Realism vs. Optimism

2008-11-17T17:47:00.004-06:00

I forgot how pretty snow was. In November. In March or April, it's hideous. :)
I was just sitting in the window of my local tea shop when suddenly the sky opened up and for about 10 minutes it snowed. And the snow came down like it had burst from the sky after holding its breath for 8 months. It was cute. Like a little snow burp or something.

2008-10-24T23:34:00.001-05:00

RIP

Bullshit Corporate America Job

2007-2008

You will not be missed.

2008-10-23T15:34:00.004-05:00

Stupid Corporate Cows.....

Stop raining on my Obama-parade!

Ok, so today I'm at work and I enter my clients office to see the two of them, Cow #1= Property Mgr. chewing cud w/ Cow #2-Asst. Prop Mgr., at the window over-looking Michigan Ave. They look rather suspicious and are talking quietly.

To those of you are not Chicagoans, Barack Obama is planning on having an Election Day event in Grant Park here in Chicago. This is HUGE for Chicago fans of Barack.

Here is the conversation that transpires:

Me: Hey what's up? There a parade or something out there?

Cow#1: No, we were just overlooking the street discussing this whole Obama election day thing.

Me: Oh yeah. That's gonna be awesome!

Cow#2: Really? You think so? We were just saying how there might be implications for the building.

Me: Really? Negative implications? How do you figure? The building will be closed.

Cow#1: Well it might get a little crazy.

Me: Yeah, I know. That's awesome. (Long pause after receiving blank stares) Oh. You mean crazy in a bad way.

Cow#1: Yeah. There are a lot of people in the northwest suburbs who are Republican you know.

Me: Ha ha. You're joking right? What are they gonna do? Jump in their cars and leave the safety of the burbs to come protest Obama amid thousands of jubilant supporters. Ha. Right.

(Another long pause)

Cow#2: I don't know, it might get out of control?

Me: Yeah, because normally mass riots occur after elections. What are we really getting at here?

Cow#1: Just that there are a lot of Republicans who will not be happy. That's all.

Me: Uh-huh. Right. Well, I think it's gonna be great! (inner monologue yells: Stupid Cows!! Enjoy your pity party in the suburbs! hahaha)

Do you see what I have to work with people? Ugh.

2008-10-02T15:04:00.011-05:00

Sexual Harassment is bad... except when it's good?

While perusing around the bottomless abyss that is the internet today, I came across this rare gem of a story and it really got me thinking.

In the ridiculous and falsely named article "The Best Way to Stop Harassment" by Working Girl, A.K.A. Karen Burns, she dispenses some advice for women in the workplace.

Feeling threatened at work by that overbearing, creepy, sweaty boss of yours? Just laugh it off! There's nothing a little chuckle won't cure! And at the same time, it sends the dude the message without having to actually SAY what you are thinking! Genius right? Um...Wrong. Here are just a few of her methods:

"Laughter as a weapon comes in five flavors:
1. Scornful laughter. As in: "Right. In your dreams."
2. Incredulous laughter. As in: "Ha. You can't be serious."
3. Bemused laughter. As in: "I can't believe you just said that, and, as a favor to you, I'm going to pretend it didn't happen."
4. Faux-sympathetic laughter. As in: "Poor you. You really need to get a life, don't you?"
5. Diabolical laughter. As in: "Great! I've been waiting for you to make a stupid mistake like this."
Laughter confuses the harasser, reversing the whole dynamic in your favor. Try it. You'll see."

Um...passive aggressive much? And I love how this is one of her cornerstone "favorite and supereffective" tools for combating aggressive behavior by someone of the opposite sex.

Listen, I don't claim to be a P.C. person-- in fact I'm sure that I've crossed the line with a lot of the ridiculous garbage that falls out of my mouth most of the time. I know a thing or two about being offensive-- and I'm not going to sit here to dispense advice on correct behavior either.

But I do feel like this writer is a moron and totally irresponsible. Honestly, I think that her advice sets women back about 20 fucking years in the workplace. We shouldn't be teaching young women to be passive aggressive little nancies who need someone bigger and stronger to defend our honor. Fuck that!

Someone tells you that you gotta nice rack, (and its not the cute copy guy you've been scoping out for a while), and its not ANYONE you want looking at your rack, tell them to FUCK OFF! Or... Watch your mouth asshole! There's a lesson in subtlety. And this method has been proven with many many unruly bar patrons or ass wipes on the street. Trust me, I've done the legwork. Then we'll see what method works better.

The little chuckle that will most likely confuse the fuck out of the guy and perhaps encourage him to make more inappropriate comments? Or the FUCK OFF! Hmm... you decide.

Since we are on the topic of workplace sexual harrassment, I feel that it might be important to broach the topic of a form of sexual harassment that is more or less considered a "sexual flirtation" in some workplaces. Specifically, the service industry. It's as though there is this secret unspoken rule that ass-smacking and lewd comments are all part of an initiation into the team. And this behavior is not only male on female, but female on female, male on male, female on male, etc. etc.

Bars and restaurants are different in that most of the time the work environment is more laxed because it is nighttime and sometimes there is alcohol involved. (Which usually leads to some very awkward situations for all parties) But still, the harassment exists in its own world, untouched and almost expected. I often wonder why that is. And I can't help but to weigh the pros and cons. I mean, I've worked in both service and office jobs and on one hand it seems like people in the corporate world could probably be well served to throw back a couple shots of Jack Daniels during the day to loosen up and stop taking everything so seriously. I guarantee that Little Miss Shy Secretary will have no problems telling her chauvinist pig boss that, "No, I don't want to fuck you and I'd rather fuck a corpse!!" But then again, I don't necessarily think I could work for someone in an office who is a bad drunk. Its hard to respect anyone who you've seen projectile vomit or sob themselves to sleep.

The two environments are in fact two very different places. And I'd say that most of the people that work in busy nightclubs and bars are pretty attractive, thus creating an environment fueled by sexual tension, while in the corporate sphere the cow-looking women from accounting and the nerdy IT guys probably don't feel the same chemistry.

I guess somewhere along the lines here I've gotten beautifully off point so to get back to topic let me say this. Ladies & Gentlemen, it is 2008. No one but you will ever be able to get you out of uncomfortable situations. Some believe passiveness is a positive trait and I'm sure in a lot of ways it is, but a passive reaction to overt and unwanted aggression is never going to get you good results. So if you will all repeat after me, loudly and with purpose:

"Get Lost Fucktard!!!"

Rinse and repeat.

2008-09-25T13:09:00.004-05:00

Postpone the Debate???? Really? Hmmm...

Dear Mr. McCain,

So I get the whole crushing economic crisis and all but, did you realize that it's September 25th, dude? Um....the election is like a month away. And you think suspending the campaign is a good idea? Granted I know you were only thinking just doing it for a couple days till all this Wall Street Gobbily-Goop gets sorted out, but really?

Me= Annoyed.

Here's a hint: There is no better time than NOW to be debating. When all eyes and ears are on you. Waiting patiently to hear what you and your opponent have to say to the nation, and each other.

I'm sorry to distract you with this note, I know you're busy rescuing our economy (ie: Trying on Cowboys and Indians Halloween costumes at the White House w/ your BFF Georgie-poo.) But whenever you're done, we are waiting, patiently.

Let the debates begin!!

Sincerely,

Your Conscience.

2008-09-25T12:15:00.005-05:00

Rachel Maddow... My love knows no bounds.....

Seriously, I love her. If you haven't watched her show on MSNBC or listened to her on AirAmerica, do it immediately. If you don't, flying monkeys will come down and snatch your first born children. You've been warned.

And on a side note: She is quickly catching up with Jon Stewart in Christen's all-time crushes. I would switch teams for her.

2008-09-25T10:22:00.007-05:00

The Fabulous Life of.....The Next Great Depression!

photo courtesy: bartblog.bartcop.com

Ok, I get it. We're screwed. We're all doomed and destined to survive off of one loaf of bread and a box of steel oatmeal a week for the rest of our lives. The second Great Depression looms.... Trust me I get it.

Having been inspired by Rachel Maddow's amazing Halloween Candy metaphor and some real life events that occurred as I got ready for work this morning, I thought of a metaphor of my own.

The way I look at it, our current economic dilemma is kinda like when you're in the bathroom, brushing your teeth or combing your hair and suddenly you knock a bottle of very expensive lotion (or perfume or whatever) into the toilet. NOOOOOOO!!!!

Now, at this moment you are faced with a very serious decision. Do you stick your hand into the filthy toilet to fish it out, quickly throw it into the sink and scald it with hot water to salvage it? Or do you just leave it there and decide that your prized item, no matter the value, is not worth the putting yourself in a revolting situation. The reality is, both options suck. Economic Bailout= sticking hand in toilet, No Economic Bailout= Losing Prize Possessions.

The thing that's really bugging me today is how everyone is acting so fucking surprised that this Economic Bailout issue has happened. The truth is, the American people are just as much to blame for this predicament as the wankers on Wall Street.

You can't sit idly by watching as investment houses and private lenders get richer and richer, all the while glorifying their spendthrift lifestyle and not expect some sort of repercussion. For years, they've flaunted great monetary wealth in front of our faces. Did the American people not wonder at all where that money was coming from and whether it was being dealt with responsibly?

And it's too late to assign blame now. Ain't it a bitch?

There is not one place in the world that I can think of that has had such a slow deterioration of its economic values over the last decade than in the U.S. All you really have to do is turn on the television to prove that. We have programs that idolize and glorify this ridiculously wasteful and irresponsible behavior of the wealthy. Programs like "The Real Housewives of Orange County"- on Bravo, (insipid women who place just as much value on plastic surgery, designer clothes and social status as average people place on their families and careers) "The Fabulous Life of... Filthy Rich Billionaires, Super Spenders, The Hamptons" on VH1 or "My Super Sweet Sixteen"(MTV)- ( a show in which spoiled, vapid rich 15-year-olds browbeat their out-of-touch and idiotic parents into spending tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for their stupid birthday parties) have long been brainwashing our next generation of spenders and savers.

Now, anyone who knows me well can attest to the fact that I have fairly socialist leanings when it comes to independent wealth and how it should be distributed in society. And of course, I always manage to find myself bumping heads with one pro-Capitalism person or another on a regular basis. What's amusing to me today is that a lot of the pro-capitalist arguments that I've heard, well, seem pretty lame right now. I mean, sure there are still mega mega millionaires in the top percentage of our population, but is this whole economic debacle not proof enough that even those with that kind of money don't really know how to be responsible with it?

I say, lets turn the nation's (remaining) wealth over the the people like you and me. The people that actually know the value of stretching a dollar and saving up for a rainy day, because inevitably there are many. Not the people who think it's perfectly normal and okay to spend $30,000 on a diamond studded collar for their fucking Chihuahua.

Granted I'm making some giant leaps here between our current Economic situation and my dislike of stupid rich ass wipes, but hey, I've been looking for a reason to call them out for a while now. So there. Take that rich jerks!

2008-09-16T10:20:00.004-05:00

So last night I was texting with my cousin Jodi (16?) and she was telling me how much it blows that she works at Shaw's (a Connecticut grocery store chain). And of course my response was something to the degree of "Oh, honey. If you only knew all the crappy jobs that I've worked." I'm sure that didn't make her feel any better. But it did get me to thinking about all of the jobs I've had in my life, and why there are so many.

Then I had the fucking greatest epiphany ever! What if I am not supposed to be just one thing or have one career? Instead, perhaps I am meant to be a sort of social anthropologist, who immerses myself in everything and anything around me of interest. What if I am simply meant to be a muse? Or a-musing? Is there really anything wrong with that? I can't really think of anything cooler than to be able to reach my golden years, armed with all these amazing stories to tell my grandchildren or neighbors at the "home", about the many beautiful places and interesting people I've met along the way. What better way to honor this life than to spend time creating these wonderfully colorful patches of experience that when put together, will make the most exquisite quilt of memories?

My whole working life I've always wondered why I've never been content to just work in one job and do one thing, with the same people day after day. I think in our society, the popular opinion held of people like myself is that we are either A) Lazy or B) Free spirits who don't really want to grow up and accept real responsibility.

But you see, I don't think I'm either of those things. In fact, I'm probably one of the hardest workers a company can employ if I'm happy in what I'm doing. But there has always been a slippery slope that I teeter on. Once the balance shifts and I feel that I've mastered what it is that I'm doing, risen above others as a standout employee and taken from my job all the skills that I feel are necessary to do the work and do it well, I get...well, bored.

It is the challenge of the unknown that keeps me going. Diving head first into uncharted waters.

It's true that for as far back as I can remember, I've never been able to accept any surface explanations of things. I have always had this desire to know the whole story, figure things out, take things apart and crawl around them for a while until I understand how and why things work the way they do.

Thinking back, I don't regret any of the jobs that I've had and can honestly say that I've learned some really weird and interesting things along the way. Through my diverse experiences, I now feel that I have a greater sense of empathy for other people and their work. Because chances are I've probably done something similar. I've walked many miles in other peoples shoes... I at least know that with a different job comes a different set of challenges that you could never truly anticipate or understand until you yourself are faced with them. There is something very satisfying for me in immersing myself in a new environment and learning the specific narrative and symbolic behavior for each of those places.

I estimate that I've probably worked at over 25 places in the last 12 years. Over 25 bosses. Over 25 new sets of faces and names to remember. Over 25 different skill sets and procedures to follow. It's kind of exhausting if you think about it. I'm proud to say that I've only been fired once. But even that is a really great story.

Who knows where I'll end up, but at least I know that the best part will be finding my way there. And I'm not ashamed to say that while my jobs might not always be glamorous, I certainly feel richer.

And now, for your amusement, I've compiled a list of my jobs that I can remember up to this point. Keep in mind that many of these jobs occurred concurrently. So here they are, good and bad. Embarrassing and respectable. For better or for worse, these are the first few chapters of my life. :)

1) The Freestone Flyer-( 9 years old)- my own newspaper that I sold to my neighborhood.

2) Freddy's Pizza-(14 years old) Pizza Box folder who later graduated to sandwich-maker. Had to quit when the Pakistani owner told me that I had nice "mountains". And for the record, there were NO mountains when I was 14.

3) Main Street Video- (15-16?) Video clerk. The highlight of this job was Wednesday "Adult Video Rental- get one free" nights that would bring in all the town weirdos.

4) JT's Roadhouse Grill (16)- Hostess/ Server

5) Everything Ice Cream (16)- Ice Cream Scooper badass (I'll never again have such amazing biceps)

6) Dial America (16)- Telemarketer. Yeah yeah, I admit it.

7) Elmer's Bar- Bartender, cocktail waitress

8) The Brickyard- Bar-ho, Shot-girl, cocktail waitress

9) Club Insomnia- Door host/ Security (No really...I was female security. It's kind of hilarious thinking about that now. My main job was patting down chicks and kicking crackheads out of the bathroom stalls in the bathroom. Needless to say, the security ended up with a lot of "free" stuff and were worse druggies than most of the guests.

10) Centerfolds- Bartender/ shoulder to cry on for straggly men lacking the nerve to talk to women.

11) Wild Enterprises/Cydcor- Administrator, Sales, Assistant Manager

12) Titan Promotions/Cydcor- Manager of an office in Pompano Beach Florida

13) Noel Enterprises/Cydcor- Chicago sales office/ assistant manager

14) She-Nannigan's- Back to the bar-world in Chi-town

15) Mother's Too- Bartender/Day Manager- Greatest bar job ever. I worked 10am to 6pm Monday-Friday with a bunch of old coot regulars who would sit around and watch Law & Order Marathons with me.

16) Blue Chicago- Server in a Blues Club (Where I fell in love with the blues and met some of my personal heroes)

17) Bootlegger's- Bartender (Anarchy. 4AM bar. Ick)

18) River Shannon- Bartender

19) J- Randolph's- Bartender/Server

20) The Gin Mill- Server/Beer Tub (I only lasted like a month...icky college bar)

21) H. W. Lochner- Editorial Intern eventually promoted to Marketing Coordinator

22) Conscious Choice Magazine- Editorial Intern

23) Volo Wine Bar- (One of the best serving jobs ever)

24) CS Magazine- Editorial Intern/ Fact Checker/ Editorial Assistant

25) Echo Magazine- Features editor at Columbia College

26) Martini Park- Icky icky poo...Lasted 2 months

27) Corporate Concierge Services- My current schtick (about 1 year) we'll see how long this one lasts. :)

28) TBD

2008-09-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

Have you guys seen this?????

Sarah Palin's Churches and The Third Wave from Bruce Wilson on Vimeo.

Um.....scary much?

2008-08-29T00:05:00.004-05:00

America.... (with a lump in my throat) I believe again....

I watched as you all probably did. Millions of Americans waiting for either a message of change or a sign of great weakness. I couldn't help being reminded of four years ago as I sat helpless, almost knowing what the outcome would be, yet still paralyzed in severe denial. Contrary to what this blog may lead you to think, I'm not some crazy messenger for Barack Obama or the Democratic Party. In fact, I’m actually quite proud to be an Independent American.

I'm not blind to all of the doubts that fill the hearts and minds of the other half of Americans, some of whom reside in my own family. But I am, however, confident that I can be what most people in our country have long since forgotten to be; optimistic & hopeful.

And more than anything else, I am unabashedly angry at what it would mean for our country if we did not stand together now and make a change for the better. Not to torture you all with anything resembling regurgitated political rhetoric but I really do remember being eight or nine years old, standing in a classroom reciting the pledge of allegiance, unaware at the time of the power that those words meant. Innocently taking for granted the people that fought and died for the right for me to be able to say them.

But now, it is with no uncertain terms a different world. As you and I all know, our country is a much different place. Over the last six years in Chicago, I've met many tourists from around the world and noticed a definite change in the way we are viewed. No longer are we the recipients of respect, earned on the backs of our grandfathers and great grandfathers. We are now the targets of unwavering criticism and doubt. And you know what? I don't fucking blame them.

I watched tonight as Barack said nothing new, but echoed only the deepest desires of our hearts with resounding strength. I watched as he stood before our people, not unaware that his years of inexperience could be pinned against him for the worst, but focusing more on the fact that he could easily represent a beacon of renewal and change for this country.

I watched with my roommate, he openly admitting his concerns and overall lack of interest in the whole process, his hopes being dashed the second time Bush was re-elected. He said, "Why should I care? I live in a liberal city that is going to vote for Barack either way and it won't matter.”

And honestly, with the last few elections results in this country, I really can't blame him or others for the feelings of disconnectedness that has come with our political processes. But I also feel that that is exactly why voices like his and mine should be heard the most. Why we should fight to make them heard. Because we have had the opportunity to live in a more diverse and liberal society and can best serve as an example for others in this country. We, as educated people should be ashamed of ourselves if we are not the biggest advocates for the uneducated and underprivileged. Why shouldn’t the people that have better paying jobs not speak out for those without?

Ultimately, the question should not be about why or why not, because really, at the end of the day we all know that the reasons that we should are far greater. We know that even in our smallest efforts, we can make a difference and it does matter. And more importantly, if we don’t…who will?

The more I think about it, and the more I think about my generation's general attitude as a whole to the election process, the angrier I get. And of course you could easily write any of this off as the musings from a liberal socialist hippie with no real world experience and a penchant for the dramatic. Part of that assumption wouldn’t be completely untrue.

But what you should really consider when reading this is not my place in life and opinions of it, rather how I came to have these views. Luckily for me, I realize that my place in life has come in direct effect of the actions that others have taken for my future. Sadly, not enough of my peers do yet. They do not see that our paths and successes have been earned on the backs, hearts and minds of those who figured that somewhere down the road, their contribution, no matter how small, would make all the difference. It's crazy for me to think that when my grandmother, (one of my greatest inspirations) was a teenager, she couldn't even vote. This woman, who throughout my childhood and to todayhas served time and time again as the moral compass for many decisions in my life, could not even play a part in deciding the fate of her children or children's children? It blows my mind.

So today, the more I think about it, the less apologetic I am beginning to feel about the late night rants and pounded fists I’ve make over dinner or cocktails to women or men who I’ve just met, (or those who I know well) about the importance to take a hold of the things that we take for granted. I even once offered an old roommate a free dinner and a drive to the suburbs, just so she would vote. Who she would choose was not even the issue.

Recently, I’ve held court with some great minds over the issues of welfare, social reform and taxes. And while I can almost always empathize and see where opposing opinions are coming from, I know in my heart that what is best for this country is not the strength, wealth and example of the few, but the strength and example of us all. And for that reason, which I felt was strongly reinforced by the Democratic leaders of this country over the last few days at the convention; I will never again apologize after getting all fired up for my beliefs. For that reason, I am so very proud to have Barack Obama running for President of the United States.

2008-06-10T19:50:00.005-05:00

The War of the Waistline...P.S. We're Losing

So I apologize in advance if any of you haven't eaten yet, but a story must be told here. And unfortunately, pictures are required in this type of tale.

I live in the fattest city in America, and according to most people, just the simple fact that I actually am technically "underweight", I should have no room to speak on this issue.

(NOTE: I honestly think that in the last few years, the testing that determines "overweight, normal or underweight" has been skewed because so many people are overweight, that it has almost become the norm. For example, a good friend of mine took her happy, healthy and fit eight-year-old son to the doctor and was shocked to learn that he was only in the 40th percentile of size for his age. Upon query, the doctor informed her that her son was not in fact small, rather most other children have been tested as larger. Yikes.)

But back to the post. It is disturbing to me how many "larger" children there are running around. And since when do Flaming Hot Cheetos and a Coke constitute a decent breakfast for a child on their way to school? No joke. I actually see kids eating this in the morning on the train. And no, they are not sneaking it. They are being fed it by their mothers sitting next to them.

Ugh. I know that some people are trying to lose weight, and that the battles are epic. But I wonder sometimes how much we actually commit ourselves to fighting the challenges we face.

For example, today at lunch I popped into this place called "America Dogs". A kind of smorgasborg of hot dog delights from around the continental U.S. Knowing that I am DEFINITELY not supposed to be eating hot dogs on this new nutrition regiment given to me by my doctor, I almost walked out of the door before seeing that they had Morningstar Veggie Dogs on the menu. Hooray!! I ordered it at once. Scarfed it down with onions, mustard and ketchup, all the while reveling in my appropriate lunch choice.

And then I look over to the table next to me. There sat three Latino ladies, with what can only be described as a buffet of hot dogs, French fries, and onion rings. One lady, however, was the conscientious one who had opted for a salad. (EGADS! so the feast was now only for TWO?) At once I felt proud of that sole woman, who so bravely sat among the crinkly, beautiful, drool-worthy French fries and mouth-watering onion rings. A feat I know I would never be able to accomplish. That was until I saw this woman pull the largest carton of fries across the table and begin sprinkling them ONTO her salad.

People, I can't even make this shit up. So what the fuck what the lettuce for? An over sized garnish?

I'm not really sure I have point to all this besides, Yuck. Needless to say, I lost a little more faith in humanity today, and our ability to take care of ourselves. Double yuck.

And P.P.S. I just wrote this post while eating a plate of wraps that definitely had a LOT of bacon in them. Hypocrite? Maybe. But bacon is soooo good.

2008-06-09T10:44:00.005-05:00

The Beginning of the End.... and my new beginning.

Most of the time, I comfort myself with the notion that most of life's challenges are merely lessons that we are supposed to learn at that exact point in our life. Other times, I want to give the universe a giant middle finger for dropping upon me, many unanswerable questions.

Lately, I've been feeling like I've have finally climbed out of the depths of one life challenges to reach the top and see nothing but endless stretches of open fields in every direction. Where do I go now?

So here I am, in Chicago. Almost 6 years now. Holy shit.

And what have I learned? Well, I've learned that when I apply myself and I can do anything I set my mind to. I've learned that if you don't hold onto love, well... it moves. To California.

I've learned that relationships are fleeting. Laughter, short-lived. Friendships require care and cultivation if they are to flourish. And most of all, that we are all just strangers in our own skin meant to spend a lifetime getting to know ourselves.

And I've learned that even though we might think we know what we want out of life, those wants usually have a life of their own. They can crawl from our hearts, slide down the bed and head out the door, only to pick up residence in a new shiny heart down the hall in someone new. And in their place move-in different, new wants that stretch out the walls of their new home, often leaving you bruised and beaten after days of fighting the status quo of what has been.

So enough with the dramatic metaphors. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in this last year, I have done more than my share of self-reflection only to come to the conclusion that my life up to this point feels like borrowed time. Like a vacation I went on and think back fondly on. It's strange how suddenly everything in my life seems so fragile, and that even at the young age of 27, I am scared to not have enough time left to do the things I want. (If I ever figure out what those wants are) Weird right?

It's as though overnight, I woke up and my life is in fast forward. Literally. One day everyone is telling me to relax, have fun. Live a little, you're young! And the next, everyone I know is popping out babies and talking about "taking it easy". Really? Already? Not me.

And as much as I love Chicago, it has ceased to feel like home. It was for a while there. I remember feeling excited after going back East to visit family, to return to my shitty little apartment in the Windy City, where I didn't have much but my swollen heart to fill those four walls with joy.

And now? Well now, my apartment feels kinda transitory. I can't really complain about the living conditions though, as they have vastly improved. But now it just feels empty, even with all the furniture. So I've decided to move on seek out my new home. Wherever or with whomever it may be.

The East Coast is the obvious right choice for my move. Not only is my family there, but over the last few years it seems that so many people in my life were headed in that direction for one reason or another.

Oh, and The Ocean. I miss her dearly. The smell of it, the gritty sand that stays on your feet for hours after leaving the beach, the way the afternoon sunshine convinces us all that the day is endless.

What else do I miss? The people. Their bluntness. The rudeness. The way people really look at you when you talk, as if they are dissecting your words one by one in order to properly frame their rebuttal or affirmation.

I miss walking in a bar and having guys not even try to pretend that they are not checking you out. (NOTE TO MIDWEST GUYS: YOU ARE REALLY NOT THAT COOL). I even miss the women. The unapologetic way that they speak their minds, even if you don't want to hear it. The opinions. The openness. The way they don't hold their tongues. (NOTE TO MIDWEST WOMEN: STOP WALKING AROUND MAKING THAT "WHO FARTED IN MY FACE" SCREW-FACE. YOU ARE NOT THAT COOL EITHER)

This morning as I walked from the train to work, a total East Coast Guido who was totally creepy and most definitely leering at me, looked me straight in the eyes and proclaimed "Good Morning Beautiful!!" in his Jersey-esque accent. And funny thing is, all I could think of was "Ah, I miss Home".

2008-03-30T18:08:00.003-05:00

Brain vs. Heart..... Battle royal.

Hello my lovelies... So remember a couple months ago when I made that New Year's resolution to get rid of a certain destructive relationship? Well, you know what they say about fulfilling resolutions.. Heh.

Oops.....(Shrug, nervous laugh)

(Here is my obligatory oops...hee hee photo)

As you can probably guess, I didn't keep mine. And now here I am again, a couple months older, none the wiser and this time far more embittered about the whole situation. Ugh.

Its funny because I knew the first time we broke up that it was for the best, but yet somewhere in my cynical shell lies a hopeless romantic. And dammit, its not often when I meet people I connect with and I wasn't too keen on giving that up.

You're probably wondering if I'm worried that he might read this, but alas He won't. Not taking an interest in my creative talents was one of the smaller but still annoying issues I had with him.

So, wish me luck this time around.

And one more thing. Why is it so goddamn hard to get my brain and my heart to agree on anything? Its like I've got Laurel and Hardy in there, except with the exception of the slapstick humor occuring daily in my life, its not nearly as funny.

2008-02-11T15:52:00.000-06:00

Natalie Cole should shut her big stupid yap......

Go Team Amy Winehouse!!

Um..... am I missing something here or didn't Natalie Cole used to be a former crack/heroin addict? WOW. Those who live in glass houses right?

Did anyone else hear her on the Grammy's red carpet berating Amy Winehouse after she cleaned up with 5 Grammy Awards by claiming that she "didn't deserve to win" because she should not be rewarded for being a mess? Qua? Um.....sorry to say but she DID. And millions of people agree with me. Need proof? Look at her record sales. When was the last time Natalie Cole sold that many records?

And just in case she is not up to date with her Winehouse stats, the poor girl IS in fact struggling with an addiction for which she is attempting to get help for. In this time we should be supporting her and her sobriety, not telling her that she is undeserving.

And what kind of crap is that to say that a drug addict is not deserving of acclaim. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Billy Holiday, Jim Morrison.....and the list would go on and on. Were these people, less musically influencial because of their personal demons?

Ugh. The whole thing sickens me. She should shut her big yap and remember that the only reason she is that famous in the first place is with the help of her father's name. And that not that long ago she was spending thousands of dollars made off that name, buying crack-rock from degenerates like herself.

She needs to do a bit of homework before she lumps together pop-culture trainwrecks like Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohans/Paris Hiltons into the same group as someone as genuinely talented as Miss Amy Winehouse.

Being constantly bombarded with images of these attention-craving starlets annoyingly acting out their daily shenanigans in the media, I see what Cole was attempting to say. However, she ended up looking like a jealous ass by trying to steal Amy's thunder on such an important day in her life. Go Team Winehouse!!!

And from Prettyontheoutside.com I present Miss Winehouse:

2008-01-09T10:29:00.000-06:00

Here's the deal..... (christen's insufferable political ramblings)

(Image courtesy of: www. fragmentedself.wordpress.com )

Here we go again people. Have we all learned our lesson this time? Are we actually ready for a change?

You know, it sickens me that our country has to almost completely lapse back into a recession and a full-out economy circle-jerk before we start taking notice of our political leaders. Is anyone really shocked that the Iraq war has become less of a concern to American voters? Of course not.

Suddenly our consumer-driven society seems on the brink of consuming itself and we all wonder how it happened. Suddenly, the idea of invading and destroying another country just because we can doesn't seem to have been such a good idea. Well, you put war mongers in power folks, believe me, you get a war.

While I've tried to remain open-minded and truly weigh the possibilities of each candidate, I can't help but get a little bit caught up in this Obama-rama fever. Perhaps its because he is SO different than what we have now. It actually don't think it would be that hard for ANYONE to run on the "Change" platform and get people excited.

And of course, we have all the critics running around toting Hilary Clinton's experience as being the trump card to Obama's charm, but at the end of the day, haven't "experienced" politicians ultimately done more harm than good to this country?

I would like to see someone take the $70 billion that we send overseas to fund war turn it back around and spent on our schools and health care. I mean really, who gives a shit if we live in a safe-free country if we are all a bunch of safe-free-sick morons?

I just saw on the news that a new report ranked the US last in Health care. Shocker! I've known this for the last 10 years, living as an uninsured worker. All because I can't afford it. And why the heck is it so expensive? If we are dead last in improving overall health of patients, what the hell are we paying for? Its things like this that make me consider defecting to France or Canada or Austria or Australia. But I digress and am getting terribly off topic.

Back to the race.

Is anyone as concerned as I am about the actual voting process going to shit?

Issue #1. The electoral college. Isn't is time that we revisited how this system works? Of course there are a few pluses, like how it can balance turn-out disparities among voters, but in my view there are a lot more negatives.

Just the fact that each state determines their own processes with electors makes the system unbalanced and varied throughout the country. And what about those faithless elector guys, who choose at the last minute to vote whichever way they please? In a state with only 3 electors, that one person is way too powerful.

And then we have the issue of the popular vote. For the most part, the electoral college reflects the views of the majority, but look what happened in 2000. It was the first time in 112 years where the winner of the popular vote did not win the election. And why is that? Well I think you all know that story.

Much like our crippled and archaic Constitution, a revision of this system is desperately needed to balance out the inconsistencies of popular opinion vs. decision.

It seems unfair that in a place like Wisconsin where there is a lower population, the voting power of three electors is amplified and more influential than places like California, where there are a lot more state representatives, thus more electors.

Man, how do you get that elector gig anyway? Where do I cast my vote for those dudes? Or do I live in a state that assumes those electors based on which candidates I choose? You SEE!! Its so confusing!

Aaaghhh.

I think we should look to a National Popular Vote system which would make the electors votes be determined by the popular vote of the people. Doesn't that seem more fair?

Anyway, half of you are probably nodding off at this point, the other half of you are wondering how you ended up on my site instead of the Britney Spears gossip site. For all of you, I apologise. I promise to get at least one funny post in asap. Now YOU promise to pull your heads out of the sand and catch some sort of fever....Obama-fever, Clinton-fever, Edwards-fever, yellow fever...whatever. Ok, well maybe not the last one. Unless it makes you vote. In which case, Yea yellow fever!

I'm out.

2008-01-09T10:22:00.001-06:00

I can't help but smile when I see people walking around with T-shirts and bumper stickers that have the 1-20-09 "The end of an error" logo on them.

While I can't forsee the future and I definitley don't want to get ahead of myself, I do notice a large collective sense of relief among many people that this day is approaching. It's like a tremendous weight will be lifted from us. You see world? We were only kidding electing that guy! Hee hee *blush blush* You can LIKE us again, right?

As for you President George W. Bush, this is what I think of YOU:

(Image courtesty of : http://www.themostboringblogintheworld.wordpress.com/)

2008-01-02T11:21:00.001-06:00

How "REAL" can they be?

So the amazingness that is David Gilmore of Prettyontheoutside.com, has this love affair with the Bravo channel television show "The Real Housewives of Orange County." I have been a big fan of the pop art on his site for quite a while and most recently I have been intrigued and facinated by his series of art inspired by "The Real Housewives".

I have to say, that up till now I did my best to avoid watching it, but last night- under extreme diress from consuming MASS quantities of alcohol on NYE, rendering me almost entirely incompacitated and unable to muster the energy to grab the remote and change the channel- I watched it. Actually I watched it for 2 hours but hey, who's counting? It was captivating in its horribleness.

Hmmm... where do I start?

I guess my first thought and concern would be, if there really are aliens out there in the universe studying all the different species of the world, we are screwed.

Remember that movie in the 80s, "The Explorers" where the kid alien kidnaps the kid explorers and can only talk using dialogue he found from earth television shows? Can you imagine the crap that would come out of his mouth if he watched the Real OC shows?

"Like- Oh ma gaahwd! Thanks for totally coming on my ship!" "Money is everything...um hello?" "Like- umm... I hope you guys broke your daddie's credit cards! Lets do some interglactic shopping! Eww....no designer space suits! No room service? Ick."

Seriously though, this show made my brain hurt. The relationships they have with their family members and each other are about as fake as the boobs, hair and teeth. It really makes my skin crawl to think that there are so many people in the world that go without, and these people don't even have a fucking clue what the real value of a dollar is.

My favorite part? One of the parents, this wealthy man named George, begrudeonly agrees to take his blonde boobs-with-a-head fiance and their daughters to"rough" it in a deluxe RV in Yellowstone National Park.

While George and his lady reflect on how good this will be for their demon money hungery spawn, the girls are none pleased with this "adventure". One girl, probably no older than 13, maintained a freakish screw-face for the duration of the trip, and occassionally bellowed out her lament that there was "Like...no room service? I only go on 5 star vacations!"

Cut to a scene with George and the Boobs walking hand to hand talking about how the girls are so "spoiled" and that they are going to struggle in life because of their lack of experience and character. QUA? Did I miss something? Whose fault do they think it is that their children are morally repugnant? Oh, and Boobs was talking about her youngest daughter Sofie, and she actually said and I quote, "Thank goodness for Sofie. She's the only one of my children that hasn't disappointed me yet". Ick

Her other 2 kids ? Thrown to the wolves. Fuck em', she got a new sugar daddy and a million dollar rock on her hand. Let's just hope little Sophie doesn't dissapoint her mommy anytime soon.

Well my friends, that's pretty much all the attention I am willing to devote to that horrible program and those horrible people. Its shows like that that really make me disgusted to be American, or human. Ick. Ick. Ick. I need a shower just thinking about it again.

(image courtesy of www.prettyontheoutside.com)

2008-01-02T09:26:00.000-06:00

Do Plastic Surgeons Steal Brains?

(ANYWHEREVILLE)- **THIS IS A SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM CHRISTEN'S NEWSROOM***

Investigators from over five countries have come forward today, with startling allegations of a secret body part smuggling ring involving over 57 plastic surgeons around the world. Apparently, this sting operation has been underway for the last few years and authorities say that they are just on the brink of acquiring the information they need to close-in on many more of these rouge surgeons. The body part on the market? Brains.

Staff Sergeant Michael Williams of the Phonywood Police Department in Los Angeles, released a statement today condemning these abominable acts and calling upon all other local police departments to join him in the fight against these brain stealing monsters.

According to Phonywood PD documents, brains of unsuspecting women visiting plastic surgeons for procedures such as breast augmentation, liposuction and lip injections were victims of brain robbery. In the report, details are given of some women who were even coerced into voluntarily giving away sections of their brains in lieu of payment for services.

Certain cat-faced centenarian celebrities are among the names of famous people who have allegedly traded brains for procedures.

So what are these surgeons doing with these brains, you ask? Stay tuned for part two of this story to learn the sordid and dirty details of these plastic surgeons brazen acts of brain robbery.

(image courtesty of http://www.plasticsurgeryhumour.com/img/brain_enlargement.gif)

-

2007-12-31T14:09:00.000-06:00

I declare this...The Summer of George! Er..I mean, THE YEAR OF CHRISTEN!!!

Hello my lovelies. Today I find myself writing to you on the last day of 2007. Although it's been a good year, I am pretty glad that it's coming to an end. Because-----2008 has officially been deemed the YEAR OF CHRISTEN. And not because it is 2008, but because this year I am 27. Don't ask me what the specific relevance to being 27 is, just understand that I am declaring it... so it will be.

Big things are brewing. I can just feel it.

As for resolutions, I only have one. I don't want to go into to much detail, but it involves giving up not a habit, but a person.

I guess this person actually is my bad habit. Have you ever had a relationship with a person in your life that you know is completely destructive, yet you can't shake em'? My relationship with this person is a lot like my relationship with fast food: I love eating it, but immediately regret it.

It's going to be a struggle, but I'm pretty sure it will be worth it in the long run. I might even look back on this and laugh at how I even had an attachment to this person.

So for 2008, I am going to try to be strong and try to surround myself with people of substance, character and love. And most of all, make the YEAR OF CHRISTEN as meaningful as life should be.

Peace out 2007....

2007-12-28T15:48:00.000-06:00

Love: ....like raindrops or toilet paper, it all depends on the usage.

Okay, so I know my post title is a little strange, but some events today have led my thinking to a very strange place.

You ever have a friend that is perpetually in love? Or so they claim. I have this friend, who I LOVE dearly, who has a knack of falling in love the way I fall in lust over a hot pepperoni pizza everytime I see one. And the result of her love, and my lust, usually end in the same way. Lament and upset stomach. Mine however due to the gassyness from my lactose intolerance...but I digress.

It blows my mind really. It's not that she isn't an amazing person, she really is. She has a way of pulling people into her universe and trapping them in her surrounding gravity. It's just that I can't quite grasp how its possible to find that type of love and adoration for another human being quite so quickly, or frequently.

I'm lucky if I see ONE dude a week that I find slightly attractive. But, I do live in Chicago, one of the fattest cities in America.

But its probably better that I don't you know? I mean, knowing my track record, I would probably chase the perfect man away without even realizing I'm doing it.

Maybe its the holidays, or the fact that not one but TWO of my girlfriends called me today to tell me that they are engaged, that has really got my mind spinning on this whole "love" thing.

I guess your experiences with love are greatly determined by what your definition of love actually is. It could very well be that my expectations are WAY too high. Goddamn Disney and all their relationship propaganda.

But then again, I look at my friend, who can always seem to find love the same way raindrops find the earth, and I really wonder....are some people just magnets for it? Perhaps I need to ring Mr. Wizard and have him de-polarize or super-polarize my magnetic energy or something. Hee hee. Maybe afterward we could make some sweet rockets and shoot them into all the slow walkers on the city streets. Damn you all sheep people!

Ahhh.

I'm glad I could get that off my chest. Cause you know, XMAS is over and we are officially on countdown to TWO extremely uncomfortable...er...I mean FUN! times for single gals, New Years Eve and Valenwhores Day. I mean, who doesn't love standing around awkwardly in that moment at midnight while every couple revels in the sanctioned "tonsil hockey" PDA moment of the year. Or better yet, having every jackass you bump into on Valentine's Day ask you if you are enjoying your "girls night out". Its just a day people, relax. Remember, its the unspecial day's moments that mean the most.

Wow, do I really sound like a miser or what? Haha.

Well, so I don't leave you all on a sour note, I thought I would treat you a little "animal porn" (courtesy of AP photos). Come on, you know you love it. :)

2007-12-27T09:03:00.000-06:00

R.I. P. Benazir Bhutto 12/27/2007

2007-12-26T14:06:00.000-06:00

Tasty People.....They're Grrrreat!

Ok, so I know its a terrible thing that a dude got eaten at that zoo in San Francisco, but really, is it that suprising? I mean, it's a tiger people. They eat like 40 lbs of meat at a time. I thought I would post this tasty tid-bit because for some reason, CNN thinks this story is so shocking that they've had it on a 15 minute loop for the last 4 hours.

What, slow news day CNN? You think that that maybe the landslides were a soft story?

Ugh. And I actually feel bad for the tiger. I mean, I know that if I had to sit, with limited exercise in a fake "jungle" enclosure, day after day as red-faced, tasty-looking meat morsel human babies were dangled in front of me yelling "kitty cat!", I might eventually try to escape and eat the first thing running....just for fun.

2007-09-20T08:59:00.000-05:00

Intolerance, injustice and the Jena 6

This morning as I sit watching the thousands of people marching in Jena, Louisiana I can't help sensing the all to common feeling that the slowly deteriorating justice system in our country is failing and like many of the outdated practices of our government, it is in serious need of rehabilitation.

And while it would be easy to jump on the "Free the Jena 6" bandwagon, I realize that a crime, in fact, was committed. All the more frustrating is that many will use this rally as a way of expressing frustration over every personal injustice felt upon them by the "man", and completely lose sight of the issue at hand.

Very simply, we all ARE the man. It's a pretty simple concept but completely ungraspable to most people. The biggest issue we as a country face today and every day is that we live our lives so completely disconnected from others around us and by doing so, allow others to make very important decisions for us.

If the people of America were to get angry and stand together the way they are standing together for the Jena 6, in all the areas needing real examination, we could begin our journey to fix our problems at the root.

Apathy, low-voter turnouts, failing schools, underpaid teachers, a underfunded and severly broken child and social services program, and yes, racism too are just some of the true atrocities in our society. Yet instead of banding together when we really need to, to create change, we watch from the sidelines quietly judging and postulating our opinions upon deaf ears.

For many its easier to point fingers and blame our government for not bringing about change. If you always ride the fence, you never fall into the line of fire. And those who have strong opinions are usually the first ones getting shot. It's sad really.

Today I praise the people, of all colors who are standing up for the right reasons. Hopefully the day will end peacefully and leave a lasting impression on the folks in Jena who have been involved in the push-pull of racial tensions. " You have a rally in my town, I'll put up a confederate flag."

It's strange really, watching CNN, in 2007 and seeing so many African-American faces lined up behind fences patrolled by white, Louisiana troopers. And it is most certainly an image I won't soon forget.

2007-09-05T11:22:00.001-05:00

Europe 2007!!!

Well hello everyone! I just got back from my two-week trip to Europe with my roommate Brad and I thought that I would share some pics and stories with you. We started out visiting some of his family in Germany and later we traveled through Switzerland, Austria and Spain.

Let me tell you one thing, Germans love to eat! And coming from me, that is saying a LOT. I just weighed myself and no joke I gained 4 pounds. Seriously.

So without further ado, here is a (sort-of) narrated journey of my trip through pics. Enjoy!

Thanks to US Airways delays and incompetence, me and Brad had 10 minutes to catch our connection in Philadelphia at a terminal 1 MILE away. Literally 1 mile. I haven't ran that fast since...well ever. Needless to say, we were pretty pooped and smelly for our 8 hour plane ride to Zurich.

This is what boredom will do to you.

One of MANY cakes eaten in just ONE day.

Brad catching up with his family.

A farm next door to some of Brad's family in Germany.

Children of the corn.

I kinda have a thing for statues. This guy is known as Father Leche in Landsburg, Germany.

Landsburg at night.

The Leche at night.

Me and Brad.

This creepy huge painting was hanging on a tower in Landsberg and kind of looks like some sort of old fashioned bonage.

A tower in Landsburg at night.

A farm in Landsburg.

Brad's family walking us around town.

This statue was outside of the Landsburg history museum.

Landsburg Cathedral.

The ceiling of the cathedral.

Landsburg.

One of Brad's relatives, Andrea, took us to a German Disco.

Random German boy. They sure do make them cute. :)

The "Robot"

We walked up along these cliffs and waterfalls about 2 miles to get to Neuchweinstein Castle.

View from the top.

Neuchweinstein Castle.

This was the another castle that the king built for his grandfather.

On one of the many long drives through the hills and mountains in Germany and Switerland.

Neuschweinstein from MANY miles away. Just to give you an idea of how big it is.

The port along the Bodensee (Lake Constance) in Lindau, Germany.

Lindau.

Brad's uncle Tom, his Oma and Heinz.

An old city building in Lindau.

The tower Rapunzel supposedly let down her hair. :)

A sunset in Meersburg, Germany.

The Promenade in Meersberg.

Meersberg.

In order to get the full German experience I ordered a beer that turned out to be bigger than my head.

After the beer.

Our first hotel in Meersberg, owned by Heinz.

Meersberg.

These creepy guys were on a statue that spits on you.

This castle is one of the oldest structures in Germany.

Stairs leading to nowhere.

This statue had many wacky characters in German history including a doctor who believed magnets cured many illnesses, and another doctor who believed that you could relieve all of your ailments through laxatives.

This depiction was of a person relieving all of their ailments and demons through the ass. (Laxatives)

Here is a spider that was hanging over my head at a phone booth. (shudder)

Lucerne, Switzerland.

Back in Meersberg, Brad ordered a burger that was bigger than HIS head. There seems to be a theme in Germany.

A really cool bar in Meersburg.

Graffitti in some Swiss town.

2007-09-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

PART TWO: SPAIN & SWITZERLAND

FYI: Switzerland is expensive! Check out the prices of the value meals at the Zurich airport. Me and Brad hung out here in this massive mall/airport waiting for our flight to Barcelona. Granted, the above prices are in Swiss Francs but in US dollars it would only be about a dollar less.

And I hope you all appreciate the plethora of condiments we take for granted in the US. In most places in Europe, ketchup packets cost like 30 cents!!! But of course mustard is free. :(

Oh yeah, and they make you pay to use public bathrooms! HAHAHA

In Barcelona they are known for the thousands of street performers who line the streets of the city entertaining tourists from around the world. Jack here, from Nightmare Before Christmas was on huge stilts. I don't know if you can tell in the picture but he is rubbing the tops of people's heads.

These two stood completely still until someone would throw money in their buckets and then they would ride the bikes and make really odd noises.

I got to give some props to this lady. Everything about her was so completely detailed.

Living statue guy.

My Dad's next girlfriend. HAHAHAH. Just kidding Dad.

Check out the look on the old lady's face. She was cracking up.

The worst Teenage Mutant Ninja EVER!!!

A street in Barcelona.

An alley behind the Cathedral.

The view from the roof of the Cathedral.

The Cathedral de Barcelona. It construction was started in the 1200's.

A plaza in Barcelona.

We found this beautiful lagoon in the middle of a park in Barcelona when we were walking around one day. Pretty sweet huh?

The lagoon had swans, ducks and all kinds of wildlife running around in it.

The Hotel Continental where Brad and I. It reminded me of Hollywood a bit but at night it was a lot like being in Time Square in NY. You could walk right outside and buy cans of beer for a dollar, pot, and hookers if that was your bag. Needless to say Brad was missing a lot. Ha ha. Just kidding.

Walk this way please.

Our hotel was really conveniently located, there was free breakfast and snacks all day. Free water, free BEER, free internet and other stuff. However, we did have to suffer through the decor that looked like flowers threw up all over EVERYTHING. I'm not kidding. Even the ceiling.

A shining moment.

Our room. It was like summer camp at the Pepto Bismol academy.

This is why you don't get drunk and let your roommate take pictures of you. I don't know what the hell I was doing. He wanted me to walk backwards down stairs in the hallway of the hotel like the demon in the Exorcist. I didn't make it very far.

The Gaudi Museum.

We took a train a half an hour outside of Barcelona to a beach town called Sitges. I loved it there and I will definitely make it a destination on my next trip to Spain. This is a street on the way to the beach.

The beach. It was so beautiful.

Looks a little like Miami right?

Some broad.

Sitges beach.

Brad taking a break from staring at the topless sunbathers.

Barcelona.

Las Ramblas, (where our hotel was) in the daytime.

Out of all the places to eat in Barcelona, Brad and I chose an Indian restaurant called Bembe. It is owned by Master Chef trained in India and the UK. We had this amazing 9 course dinner that was only $25 Euros each. (About 35 bucks) I've never eaten so much in my life. I actually got a cramp walking back to the hotel from eating too much!!

Brad on our hotel lobby balcony overlooking La Rambla at night.

When we returned to Germany, we met up with some of Brad's family in Appenzale, Switzerland. Here I saw a dog that looked a lot like my dog growing up.

For those of you wondering, they do have a Penis Union in Switzerland.

Appenzale, Switzerland.

Andrea feeling "special".

Brad's cousin Nikko.

The four stooges. Brad, Andrea, Melanie and Tom.

Tomas, Nikko and Connie.

Continuing my tradition of making out with any inanimate object I could find....

Following our excursion in Appenzale we all went to this mountain where they had bob-sled rides that went down the hill. YES, me and Brad actually rode a Bob-Sled down the Swiss Alps. It was AWESOME!!

This picture defines the term "Cluster fuck". For most of our time with Brad's family, we visited places in these huge groups of people. You can imagine how hard it was to keep the group together and to agree on what to do. Luckily the debates we always in German so I didn't have to do anything but stand there and wait till someone pointed in a direction. This picture is so funny because we were at a four-way intersection and everyone was trying to go in a different direction.

To those of you who love the show "Arrested Development" as much as I do, you will appreciate that I found a store that caters to "Never-nudes".

Lake Constance (or the Bodensee as the Germans call it) from afar.

Insanity beginning to set in after 20 hours of travel with barely any sleep.

Those neck pillows really come in handy.

Sleep deprivation makes me angry!!!!!!!

Well people, I hope you enjoyed my pictures and there are still more to come from Brads camera. Check back soon!

2007-06-19T11:04:00.000-05:00

The greatest hour of television… the stupidity of 51% of Americans...and some jackass named Toby Keith

After another blissful evening watching the The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, me and my roommate got into discussing how hilarious Steven Colbert was at the White House Correspondents dinner. I mean, did most of those guys even realize that his show is a farce?

“That Steve Col-what’s his name is pretty good for that liberal scum network,” says conservative talking head #1.

“I agree, it’s about time they got to balancing out the REAL side of the news,” says conservative taking head #2.

“Yeah, especially after that commie Jack Steward or whatever-his-name-is, takes a crap on our good moral values for a half hour a day to those young pot heads,” says CTH #1.

And tonight, one of the funniest and scariest parts of the show was when Steven Colbert pointed out that over 60% of politicians in this country do not believe in evolution. And upon further digging, my roommate reported back that only 51% of American people do.

So what of the dinosaurs? Well, in Cincinnati at the $25 million, 6o thousand square foot snazzy Disney-esque experience that is the Creationism museum, they have found a solution to that ever nagging question of our prehistoric friends. Simply, the dinosaurs rode along side our “modern” animals on Noah’s Ark. That makes sense right?

Maybe its just me, but I can't help but wonder what kind of fancy crack potion the Almighty could have whipped up to keep all the T-Rex’s, Lions, Bears, and Wolverines from destroying the fuzzy Bunnies, Squirrels, and snuggly Koala Bears? And IF this so called potion exists, what happened to it? I mean, could he have not foreseen the even larger possibility of devastation created by his finest creation to date: MAN?

Speaking of manly creations...

So if that segment wasn’t enough to keep me entertained, I was lucky enough to waste ten minutes of my life watching the featured guest on the Colbert Report, country singer Toby Keith. Have you seen this guy? It's almost as if the conservative, southern right wing of our country sat in a lab with a mad scientist to create the Uber-Man to spout the good word of “patriotism”and the work of his holiness George W. And as if the fact that this guy even has a full page ad for Ford trucks in the back page of his CD wasn't bad enough, he actually said and I quote "I just got back from Afghanistan and things are looking great over there." Um....did he possibly miss the news item that in that particular day 100 people were actually KILLED in Afghanistan? Well, maybe 100 people isn't that bad to Mr. Keith. Maybe he has a slightly altered perception of the world in which war is o.k. as long as its not our good ole' boy Americans dying.

I’m sorry if I offend here, but I just find it rather amusing that a man who is so proud to be an AMERICAN, will insult in the same breath many of the people who live in this country. And I’m not even referring to his “world-changing” song about sticking boots up the asses of them damn “Terra-ists.”

His latest hit “High-Maintenance Woman” when played at even the lowest of volumes spontaneously will set off a idiot-alarm in your ears that will most likely prevent me from hearing again for three hours. And I quote, "She ain't got a lot on, she ain't got a lot to say. She wouldn't look my way, but buddy what'd you expect?“

Maybe I’m taking cheap shots here. I mean, when has country music ever been anything other than just a base form of music meant to speak to the everyman with everyday problems ?

It was at this point in the evening when a debate between my roommate and I began about the differences between hip-hop rap and country music. He is not so much a fan of hip-hop. I on the other hand, am. But of course I am discerning when it comes to what I listen to, the same way perhaps many people are when listening to country music. Compare for example the differences between a group like the Dixie Chicks and Toby Keith. Obvious right?

There is the same difference between a group like Gangstarr and Mims. I mean, compare the lyrics between these two songs:

Gangstarr: "I got one lyric pointed at your head for start, another pointed at your weak ass heart.If I pull the trigger on these fully loaded rhymes, you wish I would have pulled a black 9.

Mims: "This is why I’m hot, this is why your not. I’m hot cause I’m fly, you ain’t cause you not, this is why, this is why I’m hot."

A very strong argument that Mims makes for hotness, no? Ha ha ha terrible. You see what I mean? I'm probably biased though. I view Gangstarr's work as modern day poetry meant to expand the mind of the listener and question what rap or hip-hop actually is.

But back to the country/hip-hop debate. I believe that the fundamentals of country music and hip-hop are the same. The two forms of music may come from different cultures, but they are essentially saying the same things in different ways. Think about it. Every great country or hip-hop song is about women, losing women, men, losing men, making money, supporting the family, struggle, getting drunk, getting high, or getting locked up.

One of the most startling comparisons between these two music genres is that at their worst, some of the artists have the ability to represent all that is terrible about our little country and how far we really have to go before we can get people thinking or caring about anything important.

Well, I will leave you all with that thought and I hope you've all enjoyed my ramblings. If you have some time check out the website for the Creationism museum. It's really freaky. (shudder).

2007-05-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

Service....ain't it great?

Recently over coffee with a friend I was telling her a hilarious story involving one of my previous jobs. I remember her telling me I should write it down and right there it occurred to me that I have MANY hilarious job stories. Over the years I have worked, (mostly in the service industry) in several ridiculous places and have amassed a collection of great stories.

My grandmother once said that her life was so crazy that a person could easily write a book about it. And with that thought in mind, I've decided to test out some of my "job stories" here on my blog in hopes of getting some feedback to whether this might be a fun project for me to write and send out into the "REAL" publishing world.

Enjoy!

C

INTRODUCTION:

In my life I've made pizzas, scooped ice cream, worked as a video store clerk, been a cocktail waitress, a shot girl, a bartender, a fine dining server, a female security guard, a salesperson, a manager, a writer, an editor, a crappy intern and many more things that I can't even remember. And all before the ripe age 0f 26. Can you spot the theme?

I am a service industry person. As much as I used to fight with the notion that the service industry is not a "real" career option, I have recently come to terms with it. Like my grandfathers and father, I was born to provide service. It may not be what I was born to do, but man am I good at it.

How does that expression go? "I could sell ice to Eskimos." Yeah, something like that.
Thats me. The ice saleslady.

You would think that when you work with people everyday that you eventually would stumble across the key to magically unlock the secrets of how to deal with them in a smooth and efficient manner. That, however, is not the case. If anything, your interactions with others often become harder, marred by memories of previous bad experiences and the fears that they will be repeated. You become bitter, overly critical and impatient in situations that are really not all that bad.

Example 1: Eating out

"Jesus! How long does it take these fuckers to make fries?"

or,

"This server is terrible. We've been here five minutes and I still don't have my drinks. And I think he has an attitude problem."

Example 2: Waiting tables

"If these idiots don't get there shit together and order in the next 5 seconds I'm walking away from the table and spitting in there food."

And of course while no spit actually comes anywhere near the vicinity of a customers food, just the thought of doing it is needed to carry on.

Over the years you could say that I've met my share of characters. Between customers, workers, bosses and drunks, I feel I've run the gamut. It's occurred to me that the only real logical thing to do with these experiences is to share them all with you.

Now don't get me wrong, I believe that there are several reasons why working in the service industry is great. A few are:

1) Flexible schedules.
2) Cash in your pocket.
3) Exercise.
4) Not sitting in an office all day.
5) Networking.
6) Furthering your alcoholism. (A joke...sort of :) )
7) Determining your own worth. Work hard make more, work less make less.

On the other hand, there are many reasons that the service industry is only great if your a masochist. I guess I happen to be one. In the following posts with be a collection of fictional stories inspired by my real life experiences. I hope you enjoy or cringe through them as much as I have!

2007-04-09T22:45:00.000-05:00

Practice what you preach my friends...

So tonight on the way home I was sitting in the back of a cab listening to the ranting voice of some crazy wackjob on public radio. After a few minutes, I got a bit annoyed. He was reading quotes from Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton while trying to make the point that they were evil. As somewhat of a journalist I realize that many things when taken out of context can have a negative slant. Now, I am not defending these men, and surely a lot of what they have said can be argued as borderline wacko themselves. But, hearing the shrill, tirading voice of a man who was probably only brave enough to express his opinions on the radio from the safety of his own basement irritated the crap out of me.

So I lean forward. Looking at the driver, a man of African decent, I ponder...

"This guy is nuts."

"Why you say that?"

"Well, he sounds a bit fanatical don't you think?" says me.

"He is only reading what these bad men have said", says cabbie.

"Well I believe that a lot of what we say can definitely be taken out of context," I respond confidently.

"If you cannot be careful with your words, then you shouldn't be a leader," he says.

"Um...Have you ever seen the president of this country speak?"

"Oh, be careful. I am a Bush man."

Yeah, thats all I will leave you with. You can probably imagine the conversation that followed. Ultimately, I have respect for the cabbie because long after we reached my destination he sat on the side of the road, meter off, and discussed world affairs and his spite for our country's slow demise. He was adamant and passionate about his views. But he also listened to mine without judgment. His name was D.J. and was a native of Nigeria who has lived in the U.S. for 11 years.

I will never claim to understand how different the world might look when coming here from a very different environment. And I also will not ever understand how we as a people can get the same information yet disseminate it in completely different ways.

He was passionate about the war, about being number one, about how parents should take better care of their children and instead of wasting money on $150 sneakers buy their kids books, and about how universal health care would never work. And he was passionate in placing blame on just about any liberal or prominent African American leader in this country.

It was then when I felt a click like I had never felt before. For once I did not argue. Instead I sat there and listened with a grace rivaling Gandhi, until he had finished. I did not hate him, or even dislike him. I did not agree with him but I did feel connected with him. As crazy as it may sound I started thinking about how if I hated him, I would only be hating myself. I think I picked that up from Siddhartha or something. :)

Whether we like it or not, we are all the same. Good and bad. And for this one instance, I'm glad I had the restraint to hold back, when I really wanted to fight. I knew this was a battle of wills I would never win.

Instead, (with my newly inspired Gandhi-ess calmness) I turned the tables on him. In short, I asked him what he was doing to make our society better. Surely an educated man like himself was doing his part to teach the youth the "right way" that he preached about. No?

I felt this enormous wave of divine inspiration come over me and I began telling him that instead of directing all of his passion and energy toward bad-mouthing the bad leaders and black leaders, why doesn't he practice what he preaches and use some of that energy toward helping our youth. Of course he argued that it was the parents jobs to steer children in the right direction, but I countered by asking what we should do if they weren't doing it? Should we just give up?

Join a mentoring program at Cabrini-Green or any other organization that fights for giving children a better future. Be a role model. Turn the fucking radio off and make your own decisions. Apathy is the biggest disease in our country. Make decisions that count.

He sat silent. I watched his face ponder this and all my other points and slowly his face changed. I will never forget what he said.

"I believe that you learn something from everyone, no matter their place in life. And I don't like to admit that I don't take enough personal responsibility. You are right in what you are saying."

Now, I'm not sitting here writing this to get some satisfaction from winning an argument. I am writing this in hopes that you all will get the point and live it. It's really easy to make judgments when your sitting on the sidelines. If you don't like the way things are, stop talking about it and DO something about it. It may seem small but, if we all made those small moves soon the world would change.

Don't want to pay $3 a gallon for gas? Stop paying it. Carpool. Demand the prices go down.

Don't want to live in a country that finds it acceptable for our nation to have poverty while we export millions of dollars overseas to fight a unwinnable war? Stand up, say no!

Don't want to sit at a desk 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year to only have 2 weeks to truly be yourself in the world? Quit your fucking job!

Practice what you preach my friends... Just imagine the kind of world we could create.

2007-04-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

Gravity

I find it amusing that some of the best advice I ever got came in a book called "Taxi Driver Wisdom". Recently I was reminded of a few:

"Travel is to spread your life all over the world"

"You see in other people what you want for yourself"

&

"There's no need to stand behind anyone when there's so much room to walk"

This week finds me at the end of my journey to Costa Rica. When I was there I kept having these moments where I knew I was seeing something amazing that I would have to tell everyone about. But now when friends ask about the trip, I can't seem to find the words. Unlike any other trip I've ever had, Costa Rica had a purpose beyond vacation. I wanted to clear my head and find some perspective.

At first I struggled with the notion of living without all of the distractions that have become urban creature comforts. No phones? No TV? Whatever will I do? The bar closes at what time? 9:30????? WHAT?!! Surely you will find me wandering around in a trance, drooling, after completely losing my mind.

But after a couple of days as I shed my gadgets and gizmos and with them my sense of urgency to use them, I felt better. Whole even. Suddenly, I felt lighter. Not having all this "stuff" was surprisingly invigorating.

All in all, I guess the lesson learned was that I don't need to figure out what I want to be. I just need to be happy in the moment and none of that other stuff matters. I don't need to answer to someone to feel like I serve a "purpose". I only answer to myself.

For a long time, I've definitely had my priorities backwards. I have somehow been twisted into the thinking that "success" is measured by things gained. But the true measure of "success", I've learned, is not what is gained but being able to appreciate and enjoy what you already have around you. That is prosperity. In Costa Rica I was humbled by people, who for the most part, looked at me without judgment. They didn't care what I own, or what car I drive or what my house looks like. Instead they cared what was inside my heart.

I've tried for the past few days to explain this concept of emotional "gravity" to people, but I just can't seem to put it into words. I would love to move to a place like Costa Rica. It has been the only place on earth that I've ever been where I've been physically aware of the gravity holding my body to the ground. I feel pulled there somehow, as if it is where I should be.

Who knows where I will end up, but I know that my days are numbered in Chicago, a place where I once felt pulled to too.

2007-03-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

An Existential Crisis... or as I like to call it " A Lazy Streak"

I realize it has been quite a while since I updated on a regular basis. I somehow don't have the type of discipline it takes to whine and muse about random thoughts the way I used to. Or maybe its the fact that all my best blogging came during the times when I was held prisoner in an office for 8 hours a day.

So here I am again, almost forgetting how to type (or write for that matter). Recapturing my old wit feels a lot like riding a dusty unicycle.

I could make excuses but that would be pretty lame. As of right now I'm taking a giant step back from my life and really trying to examine the place that I am in. I have been so distracted by finishing my degree that I don't think I really put too much emphasis on figuring out what would happen after. And much like the rest of my life I foolishly assumed things would just fall into place and happen...which they usually do. I'm of the belief that if you have a positive enough attitude, good things will happen. No matter how stressful a situation, I have always been able to find my way out. "Everything will work itself out" has pretty much been my personal mantra.

So rewind to December 2006. There I was, smug and satisfied with myself for completing college in under 10 years! Yea me! I jumped into the career search, armed with a blind sense of confidence that could almost will me into getting a job on charisma alone. And then lo' and behold, after working for free in my "field" while keeping one eye on the prize I realized that what I thought I wanted might not be what I would be happiest doing.

I've been having these conversations lately with friends (that most likely make them want to stick nails in their eyes; I mean really "wa wa wa...poor me, I'm so confused"; meanwhile children in Africa are eating gnats for sustenence), about how I need to learn how to separate the idea that WHAT I do (as a career) doesn't necessarily make me WHO I am. But you see, the problem is, I want what I do to be who I am. Its not like I'm living in the burbs with two kids and working as a means to support them. Its easy to separate yourself from work when your priorities are elsewhere. I am really just searching for something that will keep me occupied and fulfilled everyday. And I don't think that will happen sitting in an office 40 hours a week.

A good friend of mine is playing with the notion of joining the Peace Corps. I have to say that I admire that about her. I think that I would love to do something like that as well. I don't, however, have the kind of patience myself that would allow me to pull off such a noble act. At the end of the day, I really like helping people but I also really like having a cocktail if you know what I mean.

Thankfully, I'm getting out of dodge for a while. Me and my mom are hitting up Costa Rica at the end of the month and it is a much needed escape. I quit 2 of my 3 jobs and till I return from my trip I'm pretty sure there will be a lot more of this going back and forth about my future.

Chicago has been good to me, but really, does my road really end here? Who knows. But hopefully, for my sake and everyone elses I will return from my trip with a clearer picture of where my next step should be. Or at least I'll be able to stop driving everyone crazy with my whining.

xoxo

C

2007-01-17T16:22:00.000-06:00

Holy crap, I'm posting again?....the job search....and Barack Obama.

Is is really possible to have viewed every website in existence? I know its not, but recently at my not-so-interesting day job, I have acquired the bad habit of surfing during breaks...surfing ad-nauseum.

After pillaging through every bookmarked blog of interest, crappy gossip blog, cute animal site and every online newspaper, I find myself staring at the screen with great contention. Not only have I become accustomed (and addicted) to checking my email every 34 seconds, but I can actually feel the shape of my ass slowly slipping into that not-so-attractive pancake butt that I despise.

Of course I may be being just a bit dramatic, but really, can I please have a job that challenges me so fiercly that the idea of doing anything but lying comatose on the couch after work does not appeal?

For instance, I am currently in search for a job. I'm at one of those crucial moments, you know the ones, the "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life and goddamn it why do I have to pick something" moments.

Well yesterday I went on yet another job interview, and this time it didn't seem quite as doomed as most of the others. I was even given an assignment to create a project for them within 48 hours so they could check out whether I could put my money where my mouth is. I was ecstatic. I kid you not, I got started on that sucker the minute I left the office and didn't stop until it was done, about 8 hours later. 48 hours my ass.

And I can honestly say I did the best I could. Now, if I don't get that job, I just may stop looking.
I can become a nomad or something else that is noble and doesn't require getting up before sunrise. The early bird may catch the worm, but the late bird had a fun time catching cocktails with all the other birds the night before.

Oh yeah, and Barack Obama is running for president. Can I be any more happy? *Sigh*

If only I could revel in this bliss for just a while longer... you know, before the shit throwing begins. I have to say that this is my favorite time of the presidential bids. Before the shit gets REALLY ugly, and people are still saying what they truly believe rather than what needs to be said to get elected. Ahhhhh....if only it could last forever.

2006-05-12T14:46:00.000-05:00

Boxes = Records Management
(Who thinks of this crap?)

Ok people, so what does this look like to you?

Boxes you say? Well that's what they would have you believe. Today strolling through the hallways of the corporate wasteland that I fondly call work, I locked eyes with what any normal person would consider boxes.

But alas, some marketing genius had labeled these company boxes "Records Management".

A box. Records management.......hmmm...... That box company is genius!! Now they can sell the same box that is normally .45 cents for $1.50! With such an important name you could never doubt its usefullness to your operations.

And I began to think, have we begun given useless job labels out now to even inanimate objects in the office to give them relevance? What kind of society are we in that feels that we must place the utmost importance on any object.....down to the lone thumbnail on the cork board.

Thumbnail you say? It is no longer a thumbnail, but a Paper Security Fastner Expert. Don't you dare consider demeaning it!

Ok, so I know I am pretty much rambling nonsense here but come on, what other excitement do I have in this hole they call an office.

I just wish I had thought of the box thing first.

2006-04-19T19:58:00.000-05:00

The Rise and Decline of my Education....

I remember when I used to think that attending college was just about the best thing I could do with my day. I mean, who wouldn't want to immerse themselves in the wisdom of teachers and spend hours discussing things of social and cultural relevance?

That was till I began attending Columbia College.

Sure, there are the highs. Motivating teachers who push me to do my best and inspire me to be greater than I can dream.

But more often than not there are the lows. Hours and hours of sitting in front of someone who looks about as lost as the freshman their first day wandering around the Chicago campus.

I seriously sat in a class ( a journalism class for christs sake) and talked about the booming real estate market in Chicago.

WHO GIVES A SHIT!

I yearn for the crumbs of educational enlightenment that fall from the mouths of over-privledged students who can afford to sit in classrooms taught by nobel-prize laureates and writers. And they just shove it in there. No chewing, just swallowing and passing it through as quickly as it comes in.

But alas, I spend time in classrooms with some teachers who find value in talking about themselves and real estate.

How does that expression go? "Those who can't do, teach?" Just kidding though. I have the utmost respect for a lot of teachers.

But I beg of them all.....please please please....for the love of buddha, jesus, ganesh, whatever.......Make it worth the endless hours of backbreaking work and endless student loans that I pay to afford to sit before you in class. I mean, I even try to listen, unlike many students. You should thank me for my captivation. Otherwise.....it would be crickets for you.

Whew. I feel better now.

I just hope you all (aka my teachers) get it. Dammit.

2006-03-26T13:12:00.000-06:00

Viva Mexico......

At last, I am back and alive after Spring Break 06'. Which I might mention was Spring Break numero uno for me, and sadly the last.

Trying to avoid the typical nonsensical insanity that is college students partying and puking their ways through the week, me and my friends Brad and Mike opted for a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico. Now I knew that there would be crazyness regardless, I was just hoping that a cruise would serve to provide us a weeks worth of stuff to do without actually having to use our brains very much. And I was right.

I would have to say that the best part of the cruise was the food. I seriously haven't eaten that well since......um....well ever. Being the same weight for the last 5 years, I was also shocked to realize that I think I packed on a few pounds from the daily gorging!

There were high points......Karaoke nights and being a celebrity in international waters, watching Brad and Mike scale their way up the rock walls, the lobster and Beach in Cozumel, and there were the low......crappy weather on thursday, cabin fever, sea sickness, and seeing the same faces in the bars night after night, but over all the trip was fun. I have decided to post a few pictures from the trip, Enjoy!!

(Sky in the gulf of Mexic0)

(This is what vacation looks like.)

(me & my hoes....aka Mike and Brad)

(Yup that's Mickey Dolenz from the Monkeys! Haha!)

(Mike was a little drunk...and thought he was a fish)

(Getting Catty)

I'm Out!!

2006-03-02T12:57:00.000-06:00

18 days and counting.........

Ahhh....Only 18 days till my vacational bliss. At the end of the month I am taking a cruise with a couple buddies to Mexico. I can't friggin wait. This will be my official first real vacation EVER. And I owe it all to my friend VISA. Without whom I would never be able to enjoy a stroll on a Mexican beach, dance around like a jackass, and generally drink until I look like this:

Me and my friend Brad were talking about how people seem to be disappearing quite frequently from the Royal Carribean Cruise Line ships. He said that they should outfit the entire ship with a velcro type of floor and we could all wear little velcro suits when we are drunk like this:

Wouldn't that be hysterical?

2006-03-02T12:37:00.000-06:00

The Rat Race.....

Does it ever drive you crazy to sit and listen to people having polite conversation? Today on the train I think that if I could have found a sharp enough object to jam in my ears, I would have. My question is, do people actually think that some of the stuff they are talking about is interesting?

For example.....Picture two guys, sitting across fom each other on the train.

Guy 1: Man the Brown line is slow today.

Guy2: Yup. Sure is slow.

G1: But you never know right?

G2: Yup, you never know.

G1: I like the brown line though. Its pretty clean.

G2: Yea, yeah its pretty clean. And scenic.

G1: Scenic?

G2: Yea, scenic. You know cause its above ground.

G1: Oh yea totally. And clean.

G2: Definately cleaner than the Red Line.

G1: The Red Line? Yup that train is dirty. But its faster than the Brown Line.

G2: Sometimes. One time, it was really slow. I was on it for like 20 minutes when it was stopped. That sucked. I would have rather been on the Brown Line where its above ground.

G1: Yup. You'd have something to look at

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?????? AAAGGGHHHHHHHH.

Now imagine that for like 30 minutes.

I seriously had to contain myself from standing up and shouting SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

At that point I would rather be sharing the train car with the crazy men that urinate on themselves. At least when they babble its entertaining and about:

"Monkeys that shoot fire out of their butts while doing their taxes and OH! Back in the day I was a gay cowboy who used to dress up like Pickles and jump into the middle of peach sandwiches with some KY on the side."

Yes folks, I would rather hear that.

Fin.

2006-02-10T15:06:00.000-06:00

World, meet Lenny.....

Ok, so I felt a little guilty about posting the picture of Bob and not putting one up of Lenny. As soon as I posted his picture she began lookin' at me with that "It's cuz he's white ain't it" face. Jeez, does she know how to get me. Well, here it is. Now I feel better. And yes, she has half a tail.

Now that concludes the queeriest portion of my blogging career ever. I am now one of those people who post pictures of their animals. Sheesh. But I suppose it could be worse. I could be putting up pictures of my cats dressed in funny little outfits, or worse........Behold:

No, your eyes are not fooling you....That is a squirrel dressed up as President Bush. And you think thats bad? Check out the Sugar Bush Squirrel site for more of this sort of thing.

See, now I don't feel so bad. Hee Hee

2006-02-10T15:00:00.000-06:00

For My Homie Bob......

As some of you may know, this is my cat Bob. Today I am writing a post in his honor because he is really sick.

Goddamn cats....

Really though, they are such a pain in the ass. But alas, I love him and therefore have shelled out the equivelant of my rent money to that no good, comb-over having, creepy pedophile looking veternarian. And all for the love of Bob.

So thats just about it. Everyone send your positive thinking his way for a speedy recovery, or for my financial relief. Goddamn cats......

Here is a pic of Bob in better, fatter days....

Feel better soon little man!

2006-02-03T16:22:00.000-06:00

Does this bother anyone else?

2006-01-20T16:21:00.000-06:00

Three Men and an Alien.....

The heartwarming story of three inept men and one really odd alien facing the challenges of incompetence together.

"Two nukes up!"- raves White House movie critics.

"A must-see action adventure where you never no what to expect and no one is held accountable!" - Pentagon News

Effects Coming toYour Neighborhood Soon!!!

These, my friends, are our leaders......

Now being a person who talks a lot, I can understand freudian slips or word jumbles. But I tend to hold people of significant power to higher standards when they are making bold and political statements. Should I not? Are these not the people we should turn to for answers? Are these not the people making the decisions that ultimately affect our existence?

In light of the fact that I am having a particularly hard time keeping myself from flinging random items at the television every time I see one of our "leaders", I have decided to uses a this blog as a bit of therapy.

So with no further ado I present to you a few my favorite stupid things our leaders have said, in no particular order. And since I am loathing Dick Cheney a bit more today than usual, I will start with him.

Dick Cheney on dealing with terrorists:

"I think you have to destroy them. It's the only way to deal with them."

Does anyone else think he is channeling a deceased leader from Germany? Hmm...... ponder that for a while.

"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators." --March 16, 2003

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." -- on the Iraq insurgency, June 20, 2005

"Go f*ck yourself." --to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton, June 25, 2004

On we go to Donald Rumsfeld......

"As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." —Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, responding to a U.S. soldier serving in Iraq who asked him why troops had to dig through scrap metal to armor vehicles, Dec. 8, 2004 (Source)

"I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work." --Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, asked to estimate the number of Iraqi insurgents while testifying before Congress, Feb. 16, 2005

Wow, good stuff huh? And finally, everyones personal favorite:

"I mean, there was a serious international effort to say to Saddam Hussein, you're a threat. And the 9/11 attacks extenuated that threat, as far as I-concerned." —George W. Bush, Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005

"You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." —George W. Bush, on the Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005

And my personal favorite:

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio)

Alright, I feel a little bit better now that I got to take out my frustrations posting this stuff. At least my television is spared for one more day.( but between you and me that box has been cruisin for a brusin' for quite some time now anyway)

2006-01-20T11:46:00.000-06:00

Watch This!!!!!

Hello all! I thought I would post a clip my mother sent me. She's always really good about finding random liberal stuff online. It is so funny, and see Mom, I told you Will Ferrell was hysterical.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38792/

2006-01-19T16:44:00.000-06:00

So whats wrong with an effin' truce?????

I guess my whole life I have been made to think that a truce was a good thing. I guess I was wrong. To hear it from the Bush Administration, a truce is a admonishment of failure. I thought I wasn't going to have anything new to write about today, but then the CIA authenticated Osama Bin Laden tape appeared on Al-Jazeera and across the globe in milliseconds.

And again I have been amazed at the sheer ignorance of our political leaders. White House spokesman Scott McClellan spoke with reporters today in response to the tapes and discussed Osama's reference to a "truce" among our nations. Now the word in question here is TRUCE. The dictionary defines a truce as:

" a state of peace agreed to between opponents so they can discuss peace terms "

"A temporary cessation or suspension of hostilities by agreement of the opposing sides; an armistice.
A respite from a disagreeable state of affairs"

So here is my question. What is the F****** problem with a truce>?

Here is what our genius McClellan had to say today in the Washington Post:

"We do not negotiate with terrorists. We put them out of business. The terrorists started this war and the president made it clear that we will end it at a time and place of our choosing."

O.K. So let me get this straight. We have "terrorists" who have been making systematic attacks around the world, killing innocent people and who are just generally pissed off and impossible to reason with. And these same irrational terrorists are proposing a truce and we decline? And not just decline. Slam down in the most irrational way!!

Who sounds like the terrorist now?

I don't pretend to know everything that our so-called intelligence knows, but I do know this. It would be ignorant and stupid in the most immense and profound way to turn down an opportunity to create conversation if even for just one day.

Right now what are our alternatives? Endless more lives lost?

For once it would be nice to have someone with half a brain make the decisions that affect human life.

I also want to take the time to applaud the many American people who oppose the war and are vocal about it in the opinion polls. By speaking up we can show the rest of the world that we are all not war mongering idiots.

To read the full transcript of the tape click on this link.

FYI: A truce was offered to Great Britian before the attacks on London. They declined. Hmm......forshadowing maybe????

2006-01-19T14:31:00.000-06:00

It feels like a freakin' monday up in this place!!!!

So I've been feeling kind of bleh lately and haven't really had anything of value to share with you kiddies. And in effect I ended up posting a picture of a kitty.

Maybe it's because I am on school break and only have 999,999 things to do as opposed to 1,545,987 things to occupy my week.

Don't you fear, I'm sure the ball with get rollin' with some new and interesting material once I return to that slacker/stoner/creative type hell hole that prances around in disguise as a college next week.

Until then I thought I'd share a tidbit from the Onion that made me laugh outloud. Yes, I know it is probably in poor taste, but dammit its funny.

"Suicide Bomber Reacts Poorly To Surprise Birthday Party"

And now I leave you, with the dying urge to post another ridiculous animal picture. I Will Not Succumb!! I know I know, I have a problem.

2006-01-09T14:02:00.000-06:00

Afternoon Randomness......

Dear Animal Owners:

Dare I ask? What in gods name would make you do this to your cat? I know it's semi-funny when you first see it, but then it slowly becomes sad.

Poor thing. His little kitty boobs are now forever exposed for the world to see.

CAT: I feel so used......so naked.......
Owner: "You look sooooo cute!! Doesn't he look cute? Like a little lion?
CAT: I hate you.
Owner: "Aren't you just the cutest little lion in the whole world? Yes you are! Let me go get the camera"
CAT: NO! Not the camera!!!! You stupid f*!@. I will poop in your shoes! I WILL I SWEAR!
Owner: "Ok little lion!! Smile pretty for the camera!!!" Wait till my Aunt Agnes sees you!!"
CAT: I piss in your mouth in your sleep.
Owner: "What's that? You want to show off your new haircut?"
CAT: NO!!!! All my friends will see!!!! I'm dying inside. You have killed me. Dead.......

-THE END

2006-01-03T00:40:00.000-06:00

Moving On......

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you can feel yourself change? Spiritually, mentally, physically, whatever. It's really intense.

Earlier tonight I had such a moment.

Sitting around people and "friends" that I have grown to know over the last few years at my part-time jobs yearly Xmas party, I felt a click in my heart.

For months I have been fighting it. These are people that are slightly amusing, but not earth-shaking. And on some level I feel like I have grown attached to a few of them. Even the people aside, my job itself is pretty sweet. Not only do I have the best bosses in town (financially and patiently) for bar owners, the job itself is pretty cake.

Yet tonight the finality of my own personal change finally outweighed the positive aspects of my surroundings.

I really admire those people who can just go to "Work" and tune out their surroundings long enough to make money. I, on the other hand, need to somehow enjoy what I do. Even if it's part-time. At least enough to make me feel that I am not completely surrounded by assholes who could care less about me, or the world around them for that matter.

It's not that I am seeking some intellectual haven, (Please it is the service industry!), its just that I like to have a decent conversation once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

In my current situation it is. It's like I'm surrounded by mental midgets. It's not like some of these people are not smart, some of them suprise me with their intellect. They just don't seem to care! About anything.

There is so much I love about my bar: the live blues music, the entertainers, the tourists. And there is so much I hate about it: the entertainers (sometimes), the tourists ( most of the time) and the dullness I feel being surrounded by people that do not inspire or motivate in me in any way.

So tonight, I felt the click. That moment of no return when you finally realize something is over. A relationship, a job, a liking to a favorite show. Whatever.

How I long for the days of simple wage earnings. No bullshit, no feelings, no cares. If only I could be a working class zombie. Hmmm... how much easier everything could be. (PLEASE NOTE: SARCASM IN USE)

"Would you like fries with that?" would be my motto.

But alas, I am destined for the harder( but hopefully more prosperous) road. I know I will become a better person for it and at least I won't have to serve fries in a paper hat, or worse yet, wake up at 37 and realize that I still work in a bar.

2005-12-30T15:49:00.000-06:00

Mid-West meets East

So here I am writing from the fabulous "Free wireless Internet" provided by the lovely and tightly cramped Bradley International Airport in Hartford( Note to Chicago: If dinky little Hartford has FREE internet, what the hell is taking you so long?), following two weeks of visiting family and friends.

Ever since I lived in Chicago I have only been able to make short trips home, thus making me feel like I never really get to spend time with my family. So this time I decided to make this trip as excruciatingly long as possible to ensure that we would all wanted to kill each other. This way it would hold me over for a longer time away. Weird logic right?

On this particular trip I began to really start to notice all the little differences about my home state of Connecticut and my current home, Illinois.
For the first week I felt great. I saw people that I have missed greatly, revisited all my old drinking haunts, sleep till noon everday. Never a dull moment. Then it dawned on me. Was I missing out on a better life in CT?

Ha! On to week 2....

The next week, it was the old CT I remembered. All the driving, chasing friends, sitting around and watching TV reminded me that my life had evolved past the point that CT could handle. And whats worse is that nothing even seemed to change there at all.

And then I began to miss Chicago. Not so much the city, but my new life in it. I missed my cats, smelly cab drivers, sleeping till noon (ok....wishful thinking), and most of all my new friends who I have come to realize are a big part of my happiness in my life now.

Not that there weren't high points in my trips. My family, as always, was glorious in their humor, their arguing, and most of all in their creating my sense of home.

So without further ado I present a few of the highlights from my families XMAS. And yes, yes, I know we are all nuts!

Mom, steve, and me

Piggin out

Dad and Diane....don't you just love her?

Dad in his true form

Me and Steve

Mission Impossible

Hmmmm.....ponder this

Brother Steve gets in touch with his feminine side

Gangsta Gangsta

Grrrr.....

Uncle Jim, Dana, Jodi

2005-12-20T16:41:00.000-06:00

STRIKE!

I know I've wondered a million times what it would be like if for one day everything shut down and the masses were left to fend for themselves.

In Chicago, I have become sickenly dependent on the CTA and I don't know what I would do if they were to strike. I complain about walking three blocks to catch the bus now! Screw 50 blocks!

My heart goes out to all of the huddled, cold, angry commuters in New York City. Somehow it seems like they are gettin a real crap end of the deal. As a commuter I must say, riding public transportation in the first place ain't no picnic! Not only do we deal with the perpetual carnival ride filled with drunks, crazies, loud-mouthed kids, loud-mouth adults, obnoxious tourists, baseball fans, (don't get me started about the drunk jackasses that I have to stand pressed up against after Cubs games at Wrigley Field- that's a whole other blog) creepy men masturbating, homeless urination, stinky cars, non-reliability, long walks in the cold, CELL PHONE IDIOTS, the occasional rude and reckless driver, but now this. It's as if they are playing a sick game, thumbing their noses at the very people that supply their paycheck. Well I have one thing to these people:

Yea, that's right. I said it.

You know, I have a lot of respect for unions, when they are serving a good purpose. But nowadays, it seems that more and more, some unions are plain greedy and annoying.

I remember the days when unions were about helping people. Granted, the 33,700 transit workers have something to gain from this, but what about the millions of people who live and work in NYC?

It was reported today in NYTimes that 20 percent of NYC's workforce did not show up for work today. I'm positive that many of those were taking the day off because they knew they could get away with it (hell, I would), but many people will lose considerable amounts of money by not working.

And with the mania of Xmas shopping underway, retailers could see a financial hit of between 5 to 10 percent of their years profits. So I ask you, how are you helping when your are absolutely hurting more people?

Honestly, I don't have any ill will toward the workers, I just wish that the union heads would have planned this a little better. Maybe in the summer perhaps? When its not cold? Hmmm.....? Any of this sound better to you?

As if New Yorkers needed any other reasons to be cranky.

2005-12-16T16:21:00.000-06:00

Holiday Wishes and A Little Soul

So, I am a huge fan of Trent's blog "Pink is the New Blog" because he has a great way of making fun of America's pop culture obsessions. Today I found this picture done by illustrator Todd Umbarger on his site:

How friggin hilarious is that?

And on a completely different note, I found this link to a throw-back Soul Train video and wanted to share it with you.....because who doesn't love Soul Train?

What is it about those dance lines that make me want to shake my ass? Although, I always seem to be the idiot who can't think of anything to do and I end up doing the robot ---------->

or the running man. Yea yea. Make fun if you must. Anyway, for this holiday season I want to wish everyone good times and good booze. And just in case any of you are wondering what I want for Xmas, I have furnished a list:

1) A date with my imaginary husband Jon Stewart.

2) A job here -------------->

3) And this:

I just wanted to make my list easy for everyone!

Later Gators!

2005-12-15T16:16:00.000-06:00

ATTACK OF THE POD PEOPLE!!!!!
Beware the wrath of the corporate monkeys......

So I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am not a corporate/or office person. It's not the life- sucking fluorescent bulbs or even the mindless babble that I find myself desperately trying to avoid every 5 minutes from the cows in Accounting. It's my own damn brain. Yup. It's me.

There is a great quote in the movie "Office Space" where the main character, Peter, is discussing his work day with these "Evaluators". He says something like, "In one day I probably do about 1 hour of real work." And this is what he does the rest of the time:

The scary thing is, lately I have begun to look like that at my desk. Snack food and all. I honestly have no idea how these people can come in every day and sit in front of a computer without contemplating the many ways of killing themselves using only objects the around them. I know I have a million times. I also think of the many ways in which I could get fired in a creative and memorable way. Here is just a few of my list:

1) Come to work in a monkey suit and throw my feces at people who anger me.

2) Photocopy my boobs and draw them into a face that I name after the CEO, and distribute.

3) Tell the truth to that woman in accounting who continuously asks me if she looks fat, by mass email.

Ugh, I could go on forever. You get the point. I think there is something inherently evil about a corporate environment that sucks all of the creative life force from your body. I mean how else would these people be able to come in everyday, do the same thing, knowing there is no end but death? If anyone knows, please feel free to educate me. I'm miserable and I'm only here 2 days a week!

I remember when I first started, I liked the idea of a steady paycheck and a low-maintenance environment. Now, I think I am becoming more unmotivated every day that I spend here! Not in my outside life and school though. In fact, I am more motivated in school so that I don't end up having to work in a place like this. Well, I don't want to get onto a rant here (too late, I think) but I just had to get that out.

In the spirit of creating chaos, I leave you with another of my favorite images from "Office Space". Rest in Peace dear fax machine. PC Load letter to you too.

2005-12-09T17:36:00.000-06:00

Who Comes Up With This Stuff?

So here I am at my internship, just trying to make it through the day without becoming a
"pod person" (aka corporate monkey) and I stumble upon this little gem of a quiz. (note: sarcasm)

If you have time, take this quiz. It's not that it will enlighten you politically or anything, (if your already not sure, then you probably won't ever get it anyway) it's just so friggin random. I mean, how do they determine your politics with just a few questions? But to be fair I will say that it did get a grasp of my political leanings, but its just funny that it placed me somewhere near Gorbachov and Martin Luther King Jr., and between Hilary Clinton and Gandhi. Who knew Gandhi and Hillary would be so tight? Oh, and P.S, Darth Vader is in there? Randomness quotient = 100%. Interesting. But Random

You are a
Social Liberal
(71% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: http://www.okcupid.com/politics

2005-12-08T16:04:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything. One word, Finals. Enough said.
So rather than whine about how uncreative I am because of school sucking out every inch of my brain capacity, I leave you all with this. Ah Beavis and Butthead. Ain't nothing like it.

2005-11-20T14:54:00.000-06:00

TORTURE

It’s become a daily event for most Americans to endure the torture of the “torture talks”. As the Bush administration back peddles across Asia taking an obvious change of tone toward his war critics, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and Vice President Dick Cheney keep shop at home, up to their eyeballs in debate.

Clearly the United States Government underestimates the American people by pretending as if “torture” methods are uncommon in intelligence gathering missions. Do they really expect us to believe that the Senate could actually pass a measure requiring U.S. troops to follow certain interrogation procedures that would work?

Think about it, would Abu Ghraib have happened if we had those procedures?

Absolutely.

Trying to say that the soldiers didn’t know they couldn’t act like that is as asinine as saying that most people do not understand right from wrong.

The point is this, for years our government has acted covertly and sometimes openly to dominate and take control of situations they deem as “threatening”, whether other nations pose a true threat or not.

Look at the CIA. Ever since President Truman signed the National Security Act of 1947, the CIA has been linked to death and government overthrows in countries like Iran, Guatemala, Haiti, Vietnam, Cuba and many more.

Our government has always operated under a shroud of secrecy and in some instances they felt they had to in order to maintain the quality of life in America we know today. So how are we surprised and outraged when the horrific tales of abuse and scandal leak into our homes every morning with the daily news?

Blinded by shock and outrage, our fair nation fails to realize that our society itself has glorified these tactics. Look at our entertainment industry for example. The movies that gross the most money are often spy films or adventure movies like “Mission Impossible” to the James Bond series or even the humorous Austin Powers films.

Every year U.S. citizens have begun sacrificing more of their rights and have handed over the decision-making and the reasoning to our elected leaders in exchange for “security.” In fact we have empowered the government to run freely and without question.

And now we are shocked by how the system operates? It cannot work both ways. If the citizens of this country are outraged, then they must stand up. Otherwise, we will continue to be led by people who will openly and blatantly lie to protect their own interests.

“The history of the United States military is clear. Torture doesn’t work,” Donald Rumsfeld said. “The military knows that. We want our people treated humanely.”

Case and point.

2005-11-19T16:41:00.000-06:00

(www.ashersarlin.com)

DEAR INCONSIDERATE LAUNDRY ROOM HOG IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING,

For the last year I have kept silent. I haven't so much as complained, argued or posted annoying little notes. But after today, I just can't keep quiet any longer.

First and foremost I want to start off by saying that I am on to your little plan, and you suck.

A while ago I just chalked up your laundry room habits (ie: putting your clothes in the washer and conveniently forgetting them for an entire day, or putting your clothes in the bad dryer that requires $2 to finish your clothes and leaving them there damp so I can't take them out without feeling guilty) to lazyness. But now I see your genius. If you leave your clothes in the dryer, you know that most people will feel too guilty to take them out wet so they add quarters and time for you so that they will be able to use the dryer sooner. You are just a cheap ass aren't you?

I will no longer add quarters or for that matter, care about your wet clothes. I will no longer support you in a sick co-dependant laundry relationship. I'm sure you thought we had some good times, but the pleasure was always yours. Its over.

Although I'm sure that laundry is a chore we all don't like, we have to do it. So I try to get it over with in a fast and painless process. Why drag it out? And if you are going to drag it out, do it on a Monday for Christ's sake! Not SATURDAY or SUNDAY! Did you not know that the weekend is the busiest time for our fair laundry room?

So in closing I say this, you have made my life hell and now I am turning the tables. I hope you like mold my friend, because you will be seeing a lot of it from now on.

Thank you,

Your no-longer co-dependant neighbor.

2005-11-12T15:21:00.000-06:00

Thats either one stupid cat or one really tough mouse.

2005-11-10T10:58:00.000-06:00

US to France: Welcome to our world

Now I'm not going to pretend that I am an expert in French History. Hell, I am only briefly familiar with your current history. But I can't help feeling like I need to weigh in on the current state of your country right now. Maybe its because for some reason I suddenly feel strangely connected to the French people.

Civil unrest you say? Class Struggle? Hmmmm... Do we ever have something in common.

I know that over the years there has been this Anti-French/Anti-American feud between our two countries, that has roots most likely found in war. And I also know that as hard as I may try, even I succumb to a little ignorance about your people now and again.

But considering that now you guys seem to be in quite a pickle, I feel it may be time for us to give up the stubbornness and for you listen to American advice for once. And not because we are some all-powerful, all-knowing nation, but simply because we know a thing or two about economic screw-ups. I mean really, who would be better than the United States to give you a crash course on what NOT to do in a time like this?

As the fires burn on in your fair country, I see many of your leaders in a political version of dodgeball. For this, I am very saddened. I don't know that much about this Nicolas Sarkozy character you got running the Interior ministry, but what I do know I don't like.

Any person whose bright idea for ending civil unrest is deportation is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Does he not realize that that will only further the disdain and lack of trust by the poorer classes in your country?

I know by looking at the problem-ridden social programs instituted in the US by our government we are not setting a great example for a harmonious country, but at the end of the day we don't give up. That's the way it is here. We may have drama, but its everyone's drama to share and slowly (sometimes very slowly) we will figure things out.

Do you really want to run the risk of looking like the racist, bratty nation who decided that since they couldn't control the generations spawned from immigrant workers, that they would just sent them back? Seriously?

At least Jacques Chirac seems to have a clue:

``We need to respond in a strong and quick way to the unquestionable problems that many inhabitants of the deprived neighbourhoods surrounding our cities are facing,'' Chirac said.

So I say, get rid of this Sarkozy guy. He seems to be the reason a lot of rioters are unhappy in the first place. I can't remember which publication it was in but there was a great quote from this rioter kid who said the day they kick Sarkozy out of office would be the same day he would turn himself in. He could feel safe again in the hands of authorities.

Crazy right? Of course there is no way he would turn himself in but, hey whatever works right?

So dear France, in your great time of need I say look to us as your example, and try not to repeat. Learn to embrace your cultural differences for it will bring a chaotic beauty unparalleled. And most of all, give the Americans a break once in a while, for now you really see what it is like to live in complete dysfunction 24/7.

2005-11-01T20:44:00.000-06:00

This is the kind of world we live in. ARE U KIDDING ME??

2005-11-01T20:43:00.000-06:00

This is where I'm taking my next vacation. Anyone interested?

2005-11-01T19:25:00.000-06:00

A Filibuster A Day Keeps My Conflicts Away

So as we draw closer to our holiday seasons, there are things in life we look forward to and things that we dread.

Of course there is the hasstle of waiting in the circus-like lines of department stores as we make our last minute X-MAS purchases. (and when I say last minute I do mean the day before)

But then again, there is the luxury of food and booze that hopefully make all of our stresses melt away.

The other day as I was talking to my mother about the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, she said something that struck me as funny. She said she was looking forward to the controversy that will no doubtedly spark up a good filibustering for the holiday season.

How funny is that?

So I began thinking about the filibustering system, and might I say that I am a fan? The fact that you can postpone something as serious as legislation by resorting to tactics similar to temper tantrums utterly amuses me.

So folks, for this holiday season, I give to you my idea of incorporating the age old tactic of filibustering into our daily lives.

How great would it be if you could just filibuster anyone at anytime about anything?

Think about it, SBC pissing you off? FILIBUSTER. This is what you do, call them up and invoke your rights to filibuster them. No longer will corporations have us by the short and curlies if they are mandated to sit through a filibustering process with all of their customers. Until they take the time to come to your house and finally fix your DSL that you have payed $5o friggin dollars a month for (ON TIME) but still cannot use successfully, you will filibuster them and take valuable minutes away from their workdays.

Soon they will be paying people not to be productive, but to listen to whomever decides to tirade!!

And in the spirit of the holidays, you should be able to filibuster long lines. I know its happened to all of us before: there you are at 7:55pm the night before XMAS and the store is closing in 5 minutes. Of course there are nearly 30 people ahead of you so what do you do? FILIBUSTER.

You recite useless babble at an uncomfortable volume in a manner that is almost psychotic to get the people ahead of you out of your way. I mean, it has to work. Especially if you are in the burbs.

City people might be a little harder to shake considering most of us spend 50% of our commuting week next to the crazy drunk guy peeing on himself while reciting the words to Twinkle Twinkle.

But still, don't be discouraged.

Even when Strom Thurmond filibustered for a record 24 hours against the civil rights act (that eventually got passed anyway), he came prepared. Apparently he dehydrated himself in a sauna the day before, and had an aide on stand by with a bucket.

Now thats dedication. Sick dedication for a completely stupid arguement, but dedication just the same.

And how often in school have you received a sub-par grade for something that you knew deserved better? FILIBUSTER.

Oh man I can see it now. Crowded school hallways would part in my presence if I had the power of the Filibuster up my sleeves.

You never know, filibustering could become an everyday thing. And even if the results ended up against our favor, we could get all that crazy rage that we end up taking out on our families during the holidays.

But then again, X-Mas wouldn't be X-Mas without someone getting drunk, crying, or angry. Hey, thats what families are for.

2005-10-31T19:15:00.000-06:00

Lessons for Life

What would the world be like if Mozart never had a piano? Would the world be as colorful if Picasso had never learned how to paint? What would the game of baseball have been like if Babe Ruth had never picked up a bat?

These questions may seem silly, but they are not unrealistic queries when you consider the future of arts, music and athletic programs in schools.

Recently a teacher at a Southside Chicago Public School sat down to discuss her concerns for being trapped in a system that doesn’t allow children to strive. In her school, the primary focus is the basics, math and reading, but her fear is that the schools are leaving time for little else.

Not to long ago, as most adults will recall, a school day at most public schools consisted of the dreaded classes, horrific lunches, and to the dismay of most students, gym class. But even if you were the uncoordinated kid, you went to school acknowledging that at least you were getting some exercise.

And then there were the creative-type students who found their only outlets of release through art or music classes. After being the target of almost every dodge-ball game in gym class or lamenting the pointlessness of Algebra, the artistic students at least had an opportunity to forget about it all for a short time every day and immerse themselves in their work.

Today the world is shaping up to be a very different place for young minds.

The Southside teacher explained that currently at her school the kids have gym once a week and there isn’t any kind of music program at all.

How can this be?

In a recent study conducted in nearly 1000 schools in Illinois and with information supplied by superintendents, the hope for diverse learning programs is dwindling. Stephanie Banchero, a staff writer for the Chicago Tribune, investigated into this issue and found some very troublesome results.

In her early October article, she reported that as school budgets tighten across the country and the mandates of the No Child Left Behind Act take hold, educators are being forced to eliminate many art, music and athletic programs in schools to focus on the fundamentals of standardized testing.

So the real question yearns to be asked: What will our world be like in 10 or 20 years when we are not providing the tools for our children to explore the colors and beauty of music and art?

As our small world becomes even smaller with the advent of technology, it is a pretty safe assumption that without these things, we are running the risk of becoming a dull and homogenized culture.

And as the education systems in the U.S. bend to meet the needs of standardized testing, our country will be most likely producing far less creative thinkers. This could be a dangerous proposition in a technological time where creativity and innovation are of the highest importance to stay competitive with the rest of the world.

Pablo Picasso once said “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” If this is true, and we are not providing an environment for art to flourish in our youth, then where will art ever fit in?

2005-10-25T15:34:00.000-05:00

Thanks Starbender!!

2005-10-25T15:32:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween Ya'll

2005-09-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

This posting is in honor of my mother who is currently sitting outside the White House with thousands of other people protesting George W. Bush.

2005-09-24T16:36:00.000-05:00

This is about right.......

2005-09-11T18:23:00.000-05:00

This is how I feel today

2005-09-09T18:03:00.000-05:00

The Service Industry: Dealing with morons since the dawn of time.

To all my fellow comrades who have fought along side me for years in the thankless, dirty, and frustrating trenches of the service industy: I commend your efforts. This blog is dedicated to all of the people who have ever been stiffed by customers, asked their age 99 times a night, had their asses pinched, been puked on or in the vicinity of, had to clean puke, wait on bachelor/bachelorette parties, I SAY THAT ONE AGAIN, Wait on bachelor/bachelorette parties, and listen to the general annoyance of women with shrill high pitch voices screaming about nothing while some asshole in a suit clicks his fingers at you as if your a fucking butler.

I am not your slave, I simply provide your drinks asshole.

Whew! Now that I got that out of the way, I have to say to all the people who shake their heads at this blog thinking, "Well you chose to work in a bar!", Shut up. Just shut up.

I think now would be an appropriate time to break out my vision of how to make this world a more liveable place. I think it should be mandatory (like civil services in Germany) for every high school graduate to work in the service industry for at least 2 years.

Reason #1- You learn the value of hard work and earning money

Reason#2- You absorb an endless amount of manners about how you should behave in public. (Due to the fact that you realize that most people do not have any)

Reason#3- You become a generally more considerate person to other people in social settings. (However, you do run the risk of completely losing respect for all human beings at the same time.)

Its amazing to me how close to animals people really are. NO really. Currently aside from a social experiment I call "corporate hell", I work in a music venue/bar. And over the years working at various establishments, I have realized that people, no matter what background or race or religion, all share one very common trait.

Manners.

Yes folks, manners. I have come to realize that we have stumbled upon a point that all people regardless of class or gender, all seem to fall short on.

I wont bore you people with the details, but lets just say this, I could write this blog for 4 days without stopping, just on the stupid things people have said to me, or done in my presence while in a bar/restaurant.

And we are talking everyone. Example: Man walks into the bar I work at. See's a bar full of people and a band playing on stage and asks "Do you guys have live music tonight?" Am I missing something? Does the loud music and people playing guitars escape this guy that easily?

Apparently. It happens at least twice a night!

Or my personal favorite on a slow night: "Where is everyone tonight?" I am often tempted to slap people upside the head, but I usually just reserve to my handy dandy sarcastic response of, "I don't know, I thought they were all with you."

Anyway, I dont mean to rant......actually I do, but the point is, try to be a bit more aware of your surroundings people. And no, despite what you might think, I am not pulling in hundreds of dollars a night, thats what strippers make, so dont be so fucking cheap!

Thank you for listening. I must leave now to go spend another night "Serving" you people. I just hope this blog gets to you in time.

2005-09-02T11:55:00.000-05:00

Dear President Bush,

It occured to me this morning as I read the Hurricane coverage in the newspapers, that you might need a little reminder of something.

As you surveyed the damage from a safe leisurely distance, you had the realization that not enough was being done to help the people. The realization struck you so much that you continued the feeling by expressing it to the mainstream media. And i quote,

"The results are not acceptable"

May I remind you that you are the PRESIDENT. You control the money, the miliary, and the economy?! So any failure on their part is a direct failure of leadership on yours!

Of course the response is not acceptable.......you suck. You are in charge. What else can we expect?

Anyway, I thought someone needed to remind you before you continued to shove your foot farther into your mouth.

And here is a marvel idea! If you really want to help, prove it. I think you should move people into the White House. Let them stay with you! You have no problem housing the families of Sultan and Arabic princes when they come visit! Or let them use your ranch. Whatever.

Here is the chance to redeem yourself. Will you take it? I know I know.....redeem is a big word. Here is a chance to help your people, we all know you dont like to help anyone else.

Sincerely, (seriously is more like it)

Concerned citizen of the US

2005-08-29T15:48:00.000-05:00

Playboy.....oh does he play!

So, I have to say this. I admire Hugh Hefner. To me, if you are an 80 year old man and you can convince a woman...err......let me clarify... a beautiful woman, to frolick around your house and bedroom like a endless sexual game of romper room, I applaud you. And to do it with 3-7 women? Come on the guy has got it made!

However, I am a woman, so therefore I see something a bit perverse in the whole situation. First of all, after watching the new E! television show "Girls Next Door", I desperately wanted to hate them and their lives. But I didn't. Seriously, how can you hate on a lifestyle that sweet?

But, there is that perversity again. I know he is Hugh Hefner, an icon, a sexual dynamo who has bedded more beautiful women than I can keep track of, but still at the end of the day..........

HE IS 80 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGGHHH.

I quote from the movie Big Daddy, "Old Balls....gross"

And what facinates me about Hugh Hefner and the Playboy Enterprise, is how quickly women are willing to strip their clothes off for Hugh. How quickly every rising star actress will pose for a spread just for a little notoriety, or just to be seen in something as legendary as Playboy.

Marilyn Monroe was in it for Christ's Sake!

But at the same time, the typical american women spits fire over a nipple incident at the Superbowl, or a MTV makeout between Madonna and that white trash chick...whats her name? Oh yeah Britney.

But you give that same american women the opportunity to strip down and run wild around the Playboy Mansion, I would say 80% would do it in a heartbeat. Odd isnt it?

And back to the old balls. I love you Hugh, don't take it the wrong way, but your 80. That borders on perversion. Your older than most men live to, and typically at that age they wear diapers.

I can just see it now, you and me cuddling on the couch and you reach over to give me a kiss, and there it is, the old smell. Well, what do I know? You have enough money you might have figured out a way to cover the smell.

But really, a word of warning to the girlfriends: ( And you should take this very seriously!!!)

Make sure you enjoy your time there, but get out quickly! You don't want to be stuck being the girlfriend that stayed too long and has to feed him his baby food. You know what I mean, it is bound to happen. He's 80. you are playing with fire! You think a 9 p.m. curfew is bad? It could always be worse.

2005-08-25T11:09:00.000-05:00

Our Slow Downward Spiral.....

Recently I was lucky enough to escape the claws of corporate america, school, and my other job long enough to have what we Americans call a "Vacation". Vacation to us is really any time where we are not involved in some sort of activity that involves thought. To the rest of the free world a Vacation is called a "Holiday" because you are actually gone long enough to break free of the mental imposition created by the mundane actions of everyday life. Fuck yeah! Celebrate! Its a Holiday! If only we were so lucky.

Anyway, back to my point. On my "vacation" I found myself sitting among a few folks out to catch a drink in the early afternoon hours at a family resort. Hell, its a vacation.

As I sat there quietly enjoying a lovely cocktail, immersed in the words of Steinbeck, a man next to me leans over and says, "Whatcha doin'? As if I was invovled in some sort of intergalactic learning activity unknown to the human kind.

So, I swallowed my disgust, leaned over, and politely but sarcastically said, "Reading. You know, words on a page, they form sentences in which you put together to form stories."

As I waited for some sign or recognition, I began to feel less normal and more like a social outcast.

And then came the words.............

"People still do that?"

I am not kidding.

I laughed politely again.....this time swallowing contempt and replied, "Yep, yes we do."

The point of this whole story is that I never realized how far removed people have become from books. And it scared me.

And it wasnt just that guy. My other afternoon drinking companions began discussing the last books that they had read.....................in high school.

I guess living in a city I take for granted that most people do not read. Everday I am surrounded by people glancing across pages on the trains or buses. And to me it doesnt even matter if they are reading a "Youth directed" lower standard newspaper, or a jaquelyn steele novel, the point is that they are reading.

So it got me thinking. How much more educated would we become as a whole if everyone was forced to travel public transportation, therefore creating more demand for reading materials to cure boredom?

Of course now with gas prices being as high as they are, that doesn't seem to be such a bad idea.

Screw our government, lets get the people from Disney to come in and build monorails connecting every town to every city in every state. They seem to have a pretty efficient system working for them.

Then again, I dont know how much travel imposed happiness I could take before getting nauseaous.

Well regardless of gas prices and our lack of vacations, I think we are struggling with a larger problem in our midst; Generations of people motivated only by visual stimulus, who call exercise lifting the T.V. controller from the sofa.

For gods sake people, Read a Book.

2005-08-12T12:43:00.000-05:00

RELIGION ROYAL PT.2

Following the posting of my relgious debate with "Peter", I had an interesting conversation with "W" who we will call "Will". Below is a transcript of our conversation.

"W":

(Peter) and I (Will) both have devoted our lives to Jesus Christ but there are details about our faith that we disagree about because God has not revealed Himself completely to us at this time. So right now, we only see in part and know in part, but one day we will fully know about God when Jesus Christ returns. CS Lewis, (the author of the Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,) wrote a book called “Mere Christianity.” I mention it because it is common-sense reasoning for Christianity without using the bible. You may have heard of it, because it is a classic in Christian literature, but it describes the current state of the world, the human nature and condition, and argues that the world is ordered and controlled by one God, and follows that everything in nature and the world points to a one single God who has control over the tiniest aspect of life. It is written, that “No one is without excuse because all of nature majesty witnesses to God.” Abraham is the founder of Judaism, Islam and Christianity, and he did not have the organized religion system the bible outlines, but he recognized that there a powerful creator that gave him life, and he had faith.
The world did not create itself out of nothing, and arguments about common descent don’t dodge the order of the world. We are like children who think they own their parent’s house, and forget that “life is absurd” (to misquote Sartre.) How is it that I didn’t exist 27 years ago, but now I think that I created myself or have always existed, because this world is mine?
I think it’s easy to get hung up on bad examples of Christians, or blame governments for oppression and spend all our time serving our common man, so that we loose site that there is a God who has made everything, and that he is in absolute control of the tiniest detail. Our pride is our biggest enemy. I don’t think it’s hard to believe in God at all, but what makes it hard is our pride. We want to be in absolute control of our lives, and do anything we want when we want it. Jesus was not concerned with governments, but did what he was required as a citizen. America is one country that has only existed 200yrs, and will likely disappear like all the great empires in the past. When our constitution was formed, the framers were trying to create a government that honored God, but they are men, so if there are flaws in the system its okay, because we have a perfect God, that if we follow Him, then our lives will be fine.
"Peter" and I both believe that God is absolutely in control, and that Jesus Christ is His son, and that Jesus Christ is returning. Things like politics for example. I voted for Bush, and like Him, and I don’t mind if my vote doesn’t “count” because I believe that God is the one that runs all governments in the world and that if I follow God, everything will turn out fine. I know this by the examples of believers throughout history, and the evidence of the bible, etc. The bible is a religious document, but it is natural that we would observe an all powerful god, who controls the smallest atom, and know truths about him. It is obvious that the world was created, and all the commands in the bible are observances of this wonderful Creation. "Peter" discussed hygiene in levitical laws given to the Israelites. It was a brilliant example (to praise my friend) because it shows that Christianity is not a fiction, but is entwined with creation, so that they are inseparable. There is not a secular world and a religious world, but there is the way the world works, and then there is man’s attempt to remove God from creation because the world justifies it. The bible testifies that God is in control, because he shows us truth before we realize them, and as man has progressed, God has revealed himself more and more, through prophets and history, that is exclusive to Christianity. The original document reinforces God’s dominion because it is evidence that He is in control, like I said when all nature testifies to God.
Now you mentioned many truths but I don’t believe that is true. I believe that science and Christianity are inseparable, but all of the details are not defined. Christianity is a word we use to describe our vignette of the truth, but there is no more accurate religion in the world, or ever will be. New religions form from out pride, and desire to be God, and do our own will. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, and since the Fall, man has progressed further away from God. Buddhism, Islam, etc, are versions of Christianity that start with the truth, but then include the mutilations and altercations of man; each with its own tactic for distracting away from God. Even Christianity has had its dark times when man has tried to manipulate it, like the Reformation of the Catholic Church, or the Crusades, etc.
The glory of Christianity is it allows imperfect men to be considered sons of God like Jesus Christ, although we are imperfect. We are unable to know God and to follow God on our own. It’s important to know that it’s the sovereignty of God that has allowed the Bible to be maintained, but it’s also obvious that we would be unable to quiet the voice of creation, (which testifies of God) so that no matter how hard we have tried to hide the voice, ultimately, the truth will never be quieted. So it is impossible for men to tamper with the Bible. Like the reformation, when the Catholic Church tried to reinterpret the scriptures for power and control, the Holy Spirit caused the church to rise up and recapture the truth.
I can go on and on about how God is in absolute control and that is why Christianity is exclusive and true. "Peter" did a good job of arguing that also. This is why I am not so concerned about politics, but I am concerned about serving God. Christianity will never leave, because Jesus is coming back soon.
I tried to touch on how we are just waves in the ocean, that appear and disappear, and worrying about controlling our lives and making the most of it is really not something we can do. God decides the fate of the world, and he does use tragedy and pain to accomplish his will. I remember reading about Aaron’s son dying when he made an incorrect sacrifice. There is a great freedom in trusting God and following him, and knowing that we are temporary and have no real control. God has shrouded himself because of our sinful nature, so that we don’t know everything about him, and although "Peter" and I, and all other Christians have a personal experience with God, God is still the same and unchanging, and in absolute control. Debates about politics and religions and such will be ceased when Jesus returns, because there will no longer be this veil over our faces, and we will see God face to face, and know the truth and find freedom in it.

Ok, where do I start. I dont mind the conversation, but what I dont understand is why everytime a valid question is posed, the response is "Because I believe" or its "Gods will".

To me, that is a way of avoiding very obvious truths and questions. Everything I or any skeptic might say is easily combated with the rehashed words over and over again that have been drilled into your minds.

I think that its amazing that you believe in something so great. But I also think it is sad when one shuts off his ability to question. Where would we be as a species if there was no one to question or go against the grain? I know your answers already......"it was gods will for that person to go against the grain."..yadayadayada.

But really, you believe and live your lives along this very straight line, choosing to believe and refusing to question. I refuse to live my life that way.

Another thing, you said in your last email that if we "choose to follow HIM, our lives will be fine."

Are you kidding? Is that not the biggest piece of religious propoganda used to scare people into becoming well mannered and devout followers? I know many people who CHOSE to believe in him, whose lives were, well, NOT fine.

And I mean no offense in my statements, but you really have to hear what you are saying sometimes. You said in your email that Christianity is one of the most accurate religions in the world. WHAT? According to WHO? The Bible, Your own personal blanket? Christians? Why yes, of course you are going to believe that your beliefs are accurate. In the same way that I believe that the New York Giants are the best football team in the world. According to ME. I assure you that there are many people who would dispute that.

I wasnt going to bring this up until W mentioned it, but you discussed the Levitical issues that C was talking about in your last email. He was using that reference as proof that the Word is true. What you are both forgetting is that while, hygiene was discussed, there was also discussion of things that don't make any sense at all. We can get more in depth about that another time.

And your discussion of pride being the enemy. I disagree. Pride is not the enemy. Ignorance is. I believe that we have very few things in life that we can hold on to and call our own. Our deeds, accomplishments, experiences. And without pride, the human ego would not have a reason to go on with life. I am proud, well, to be proud. That is what sets me apart from other people. My ability to work harder, acheive goals, and gain valuable relationships and experiences keeps me going. I do not live my life according to pride and do things only for recognition, instead I enjoy quiet moments where I can reflect and know that I am responsible for the happiness or drama in my life. You understand?
One more thing. It seems to me that you are under the assumption that all things have come from your religion and its affect on the world. However, i think it is very dangerous to say things that infer that all cultures, including eastern cultures religions are spun from Christianity.

I think you said something about Buddism being the same until man mutilated and altered its principles. Where are you getting your information from exactly. (and if you say the bible Im going to kill you!) Really, I would like to know.

Okay, back to work!!

W:
No one has committed intellectual suicide, but we have realized that the truth is that Jesus Christ is God, and that He’s coming back soon. I don’t stop at every green light, because I’ve learned over time that green means go, and it would be foolish or even dangerous to stop at the green lights because someone could hit me. I still ask questions, but both "Peter" and I are satisfied that there is no greater truth than Christ. Of course there are things we question all the time, but we consider some things as facts. viz. I have no doubt that Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again, but if a TV preacher tells me that he’s selling holy water from the Jordan river and I have to buy it to go to heaven, I’m going to question it against what I’ve learned is truth.
We will be fine if we trust in God. I believe this life is temporary and like a mist that disappears quickly. I am here maybe 100yrs, and in comparison, that’s not long at all. I think that my entire life could be in torture, but once Jesus returns, or my life ends, then all my suffering will be nothing compared to future joy. There is no promise that I will be content in life, and God could strike me dead at any moment. Pleasure does not define what is good either.
Pride is the embodiment of all that is wrong, and it is rebellion against God. Cory made a good contest that there are so many evils in the world he wished he never knew about. I think that seeing ignorance as the enemy is our pride saying, we must understand to be better and have more power, but ignorance is to let go of that power and have faith that you will be okay. We are slaves to the lives we live and that’s okay. I would consider innocent children better than a man like me who uses his knowledge for gain. It’s written that Knowledge puffs up, but Love builds up. ;)
Nothing is truly our own, because we are given everything. From our thoughts, to our language, to our reasoning, to our six senses to our very life, it was all given to us, and there is nothing we have that we can say we truly earned. Life is a gift and when you treat it as a gift and not strangle it, you become free of control. If you want your life, you have to lay it down because if you try to force it, you’ll lose it in the end.
I’m not saying that all religions spun from Christianity, but rather Christianity is the Word of God, and although we were not aware of Christianity, the truth about God has always existed. Abraham was not fully aware of Jesus Christ, but it was planned before life began that Jesus would come. There was an ideal of Adam and Eve, when they were innocent in the garden. They ate the apple, because they doubted God, and their knowledge led them further into sin. So I’m saying that God’s truth has been the same since the beginning, but all eastern religions are spun off from that truth. That’s obvious because how desperate many try to tie into the root to gain credibility. "Peter" said that Islam points to Ishmael, as its entry point, and even religions like Mormonism tie into the bible at some point. As for Buddhism and Hinduism they’re removing the Almighty god from it and freeing yourself from the cycle… Buddhism is an extension of Hinduism, and you can see the procession away from God. Hinduism removes God and says that nature punishes itself through Karma, but Buddhism says we don’t need to go through 83million births to be freed, but we can have nirvana on our own. Anyway, that’s a very detailed argument, and I’m more concerned with Jesus Christ. I believe once you understand Jesus Christ, the flaws of other religions become very visible

C:

I would rather be a slave in this life, and enjoy the ever present beauties that life has to offer, than exchange it for feeling content with a "faith". The difference between me and you guys essentially comes down to the fact that you are not comfortable living this life without feeling that there is Jesus, and a reason for it all. I on the other hand am comforted by knowing that I could never ever really know it all, and wouldn't want to. I dont need to put labels on things to feel happy, or sad. I don't need to wear a shroud of "faith" in order to understand why I feel things the way I do. I just know I feel.

I think it is very arrogant to say that you understand Jesus Christ. I have said before and I will say it again. If there is a higher purpose, what makes you so sure that you Understand what the real purpose is. You are human. I know what you are thinking.....because your love of Christ is enough. I say, bullshit. You are relying on the same instinct to turn inward for solace, that I use. Except when you come back out you are armed with your version of security, "Christianity", and I come out with inner perspective. I don't think it is pride when I admit to knowing nothing. How could it be?

As for knowledge puffing up, I hope to be the size of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. I love to learn, open my mind, explore new depths, as I am with you in discussion. And I feel built up with love everytime I take a breath. you dont have to trade one for the other.

Your search for "truth" is ultimately a search for divine knowledge, without which you feel you would have no purpose.

Anyway, I think that we all could go back and forth forever. A seemingly endless debate of words and will. It will always have the same outcome though. You are both truly happy in your place in life, and I in mine. I have enjoyed our talks, and feel that if more people communicated as openly and freely, we would all be in better shape.

2005-08-11T09:22:00.000-05:00

Trimming the fat

Today, in the Chicago Tribune there was an article about how the FAA is beginning to have weight issues aboard aircrafts due to the rising weight of passengers.

Sometimes I am embarrassed to be a human.

When did it become acceptable to be morbidly obese? And I wonder whether the culture in this country is changing so much that skinny people will eventually become the outcasts and target of all mocking.

The interesting thing is, there are food shortages and humanitarian crisises of epic proportions occuring right now in Africa. There are 3 and 4 year old children that weigh about 14 lbs, and here in the states we have "super babies" hitting 50 pounds.

What kind of country are we building? The health care system is literally "weighed down by these people, and every day more and more people die from heart disease.

So I propose a plan. We have a people swapping program. Screw fat camp! We are sending you people to Africa to live off of millet for 3 months! Supersize what??

We in turn will take boat loads of starving children and adults, fatten them up with greasy fast food, and send them home with a few extra pounds and a taste for consumerism.

It will be an interesting experiment that will no doubtedly level the scales.

Honestly though, if more people relyed less on modern technology, and more on themselves, we wouldn't be facing the same issues.

It leads me to wonder, is the ever growing dependency on modern invention, fueling our appetite? When everything is so accessible, is it safe to say that it slows down our human urge to hunt, gather, forage, destroy, and conquer? Are we destined to become a race of useless blobs?

God forbid there was any actual natural disaster that would leave us without food, water, electicity, or......hold on kids.....IPODS!!!!!!!!! Whatever would we do?

(Note: I do not own an IPOD.I try to fight forward movement from time to time, and yes I carry a walkman cd player. According to my friends, avid IPOD users, I might as well be carrying around an 8 track player.)

Anyway, I guess I want to say, no offense to those of you who struggle with obesity and are really trying to get better, but to the rest of you here is some advice:

1) Stop making excuses. It is not acceptable to live in a culture that sympothizes with others who are living highly destructive lives.

2) Stairs are not just for normal weight people. You can use them too!

3) Take the words "Extra" out of your vocabulary

4) YES, one little milkshake will hurt.

5) Flaming hot Cheetos and Pepsi is not an acceptable breakfast

6) If you find yourself complaining to a store clerk about them not carrying your size, its probably because they dont make clothes that size.

7) Just because it is called channel "Surfing", does not make it a sport.

8) Calling a built in tummy tray for beverages and snacks convienient, is the same thing as calling a triple bypass fun.

9) Wheelchairs are for the elderly and disabled. If you find yourself in one, you have a problem.

10) If you don't want to have to pay for 2 seats on an airplane, become 1 person.

There, I feel better now. Again, I want to say that I support overweight people who have serious problems and are trying to get better. However, if you choose to live your live extra large, dont be suprised when you have to expand your pants and your budget.

2005-08-02T12:46:00.000-05:00

IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE CENTS$$

Dear Chicago Cab Drivers,

Alright cabbies , I got some beef with you. You see, I am on to you. I have figured out your ways, and Im here to say......um.....im here to say......ugh..........Well I figured you out!! Haha!

Here's the deal, I take cabs on a pretty frequent basis, about 2-3 times a week. Usually late at night when public transportation becomes a bit too scary for my taste, or after a night of light to heavy drinking.

So recently as I made my way home, grumbling on the inside about having to shell out almost $20 for the ride, I made a realization about the way in which we are conditioned to tip. ( Now for those of you who are non-tippers, I have to say in defense for all other service industry workers and veterans, you are scum, and I will deal with you in a later blog. )

Anyway, I noticed when we pulled up outside my apartment, the meter said $13.45. So, being the consciencious and very generous person that I am, I always assume to give a dollar tip just for the ride. (Note: If they put anything in or out of the trunk for you, it is a few more)

Now there are those of you who may consider a dollar cheap, but you are the same people who probably never take cabs, and when you do, you are visiting friends and whip the money around indispensibly like toilet paper, and than go on and on about how good you feel to give tips to cab drivers that have moved here from other countries. But for the rest of us, who frequent cabs all the time and have since grown tired of interviewing every driver on his country of origin and what his plans are in the U.S. , we understand that a dollar per trip, with an occasional conversation is more acceptable.

Anyway I digress. So, I was about to hand the driver a 20 when I realized that he only had $6 in his hand. Seems fair right? $13.45 fare, I give him $20 then he gives me $6 of which I can choose to tip him.

But then I got to thinking. What about the other .55 cents? Now, I know this might come off as a self righteous or selfish rant, but considering I work in the service industry, I feel I have a right to pose a concern on this issue.

When I give change at work, I give them ALL the change, not the rounded up number. Just think of how much extra money I would be making if I rounded up every tables change and then extended my hand for additional gratuity.

Now I know it's just pocket change, but when I mentally add that pocket change over the course of one month it figures something like this:

3 cabs a week: $1 tip + 50 cents they assume= $4.50 a week

X 4 weeks = $18.00 a month in gratuity

$18!!! Thats more than a whole cab ride!!

So even if I am nitpicking, and I don't count the voluntary gratuity, the cabs are recieving a amount of $6 a month in money they are not even offering me in change.

That might not seem like alot to some people, but $72 a year is a lot to some people.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, don't look at me funny when I ask you for the .55 cents, or the .35 cents after giving me my change. Because you know what, that's not how it works. YOU give ME my change, then I decide what I want to tip YOU.

And for all of you that think that I am giving cabbies a hard time, I'm not, I got much love for them escorting me home night after night, dealing with all the traffic, drunks, traffic, etc. etc.

And I understand gas is expensive, but remember, I am aware of the fact that the prices of cabs just went up too! And now I am aware of your other side operation. So start carrying change guys, cause if you come across me, I'm gonna want it.

P.S

Oh and by the way, when a girl gives you a few extra dollars to make sure she gets inside her apartment safely without being mugged, dont be a jerk and drive off until she is inside. At least give the illusion that you give a shit. Thank you for listening.

2005-07-31T15:48:00.000-05:00

A MATTER OF RELIGION

Lately, I have been lucky enough to stumble upon some interesting people with whom I share very heated, in depth, and interesting theoretical debate. I myself, not being particularly attached to one affiliation of religion, am usually interested to hear what others have to say and offer, but am usually left scratching my head by realizing how completely attached some can be to the notion of their "God". Now, to preface, this will not be anti-religious or pro- religious rant. Nor will it be some sort of defense of my own opinions. The following is simply the transcripts of some very interesting debated emails that I shared with some very cool people, topics ranging from libertarianism to Christianity.

I like to think of myself as someone who is open mined enough to engage in these types of conversations without stomping off to my corner, shaking my head in confusion. But often times, I end up feeling more comfortable in the place that I am in, and more affirmed in my own beliefs.

For the purpose of this blog I will name the very Christian commenter "Peter" and I am "C".
Enjoy!

PETER:

I am a libertarian, I became one last fall before the election, the whole affair seemed so tremendously superficial and inflated, I just got fed up and started looking at third parties. I read Badnarik's essay's and was really blown away by how direct it was, I agreed with most of what he had to say, and his message was not cheapened. I voted for Badnarik and all the libertarians on my ballot. I think Noam Chomsky said he was an anarchy-libertarian, sometimes I get really enthused about chomsky and have little chomsky binges and get all indignant. Righteous indignation is nice from time to time but one finds that too much gall gets kind of lame after a while.

You should get religion, not just religion, but the good religion. That stuff we talked about a little bit that night at the blues club was only like the tip of the iceberg. It is weird that people don't see some of this, it is kind of like that thing about how once I was blind but now I can see, yeah, now that I can see out and around me a bit and kind of gauge what is going on it is strange to imagine being so blind before. Jesus takes you deep, when you get with him it is something else. Everything out there seems like superficial noise when you draw near to Jesus, there is this awesome indescribable peace, or this profound joix de vivre, you can literally get high in the Spirit. Jesus is like one of the best kept secrets there is out there. Don't be swayed by the abuse of cliches and the aesthetics involved, think of some of the things you learn when you start to think critically about the media, aesthetics are a formula to prime the will, In art you learn how to break beauty down into the elements and principles, things have different psychological implications, aesthetics are extremely manipulative. Like think for instance if the quintessence of evil were to be manifest in a innocent cuddly kitten, you can bet that people would still look at it and say awwww. I'd say that most of the stuff that turns our generation away from getting into the real substance of the good religion is aesthetic. Think of how the people you went to school with were, I bet that you could name bands that your peers listen to just by seeing what they are wearing, and that within the readimade aesthetic identities most rely on an implication of some sort of tragic darkness, and beyond that have an implicite unarticulated or even openly stated enmity against Jesus. You are a smart girl, I can tell that, you have a capacity for resilience, maybe it has something to do with that italian stuff, I urge you to read about Jesus, ike actually read a Gospel, I bet you have already. I recommend a translation that doen't use thee's and thou's and all that embellishment, and read a gospel, one of the first four books of the new testament. You might have learned alot about christianity, but even if you learn about christianity, like church doctrine and history, that is often shaded by the fact that humans are fallable, fortunately the preservation of the bible is meticulous and reliable. Please set down for a while what would hinder you from an honest unbiased look at this stuff.

Ok I'm tired of preaching, you are too genuine too just get swept up in all the worldly stuff that proves itself shallow over and over again, if not immediately then with time . transcend fasion and dull religion , embrace Jesus.

Ok I'm really tired of preaching, If I annoyed you by assailing you with the Gospel stick, just tell me and I'll tone it down, I won't stop wanting you to hook up with Jesus though. please respond if you have time. Some people feel uncomfortable when people display as much evangelistic zeal as I just did, Don't feel obligated to discuss religion beyond what you are comfortable with.

C:

There is a article called "Delusional Democracy" that I wrote in frustration at our whole political process that might interest you. I can't say that I have gotten that much into Libertarian literature, but I totally agree with you about 3rd parties, or 4th parties even. However, in our chronically bias and corrupt legal and political systems in this country, the other parties don't really seem to have enough impact, except to swing votes from one of two people that ultimately will be in power. It's the less of two evils theory i guess. I'm not condoning it, i am just being realistic. I think it sux though.

Something needs to change in a very "fall of the roman empire" type of way in this country in order for things to be shaken up enough for change. I mean think about the problems we are facing today. We live in a state that is very close to uprooting all of the policies for which we have lived for 200 years.

Now I believe that these systems are in dire need of revamping, however, there are a few liberties and balances that cannot be thrown off or aside. For instance, (I know you are religious and this is not meant to offend you), but the whole movement to undo separation of church and state. Now in a perfect world, we would all be able to live peacefully under one roof and share similar beliefs. But we don't.

So by infusing religion back into our government, we run the risk of isolating and separating the different cultures and religions in this country that we have today even more than they even are. Wasn't this country founded on the principles of freedom from religious persecution, be it Catholicism, Protestant, Judaism, whatever? In theory, People wanted to settle because they could supposedly live freely in a governed society and belief in smurfs if they wanted too.

Nowadays, there is the argument that schools should teach creationism and evolution. Well what about the little Jewish girl, or Muslim boy, or native American kid, who sit in these classrooms everyday. How fucking confused are they gonna be? Pretty soon are we going to have to separate all children to schools of religious beliefs? It is a conundrum.

I am open to people living and dying by their beliefs in life, however, they are YOUR beliefs and a free society should not have to follow.

I think that the only way to keep balance in a society, and to keep peace, is to leave the social programs, education, and governing systems, as neutral entities, and allow people to live among each other practicing their own beliefs on their own time. That saves a lot of conflict, and time that would be spent in arguments/debates about deciding policy.

Anyways, sorry about the rant. I do that sometimes.

PETER:

Ok, on the libertarian thing, yeah I realized that my vote didn't count but I will strongly object to the notion that it detracted from the two major parties votes. I approached voting in as honest a way as I could think of, well maybe that is a little more of a noble statement than it's worth. I voted for the candidate that I agreed with the most, I think that is the essential Idea in voting. Granted that I could have contributed to the bipartisan madness had I wanted to, and I knew that my candidate was not going to win, my vote was for badnarik, not for bush or carey, and after what my mind went thru in bipartisan thought neither of them could have gotten my vote. My vote was more valuable than most americans votes were. i represented a larger proportion of badnariks voters than any one person was a percentage of bush or carey. In fact I did more as an individual to bring badnarik victory than any one person did to bush or carey, I'm not absolutely sure but I think it is true. I don't know, maybe I'm being obstinate, but the larger political process was just too ,much for me to make a decision for either of the two big parties.
Another underlying motif in the political process that I cannot stand is the over use of the conservative/liberal breakup on everything. I postulate that the two party system forces people to think in red and blue or conservative and liberal, and I think that to attempt to view lifes issues from this paradigm is inadequate.

I urge you to reconsider your view on church and state. I will say that your reasoning Is clear and makes sense but I think you may benefit from a broader more general view of religion on the essential character of a nation. What I'm saying is that the view of religion you presented is sort of based on the premise that faith in God is impotent. Now granted, I don't think you or many people with similar views would feel comfortable saying to the effect that I think religion is impotent, because you probably don't believe that it is. (sorry, I don't like assuming so much but do bear with for the functionality of the statement). I think that many people's mental picture of the power of religion has a lot to do with mystical events or signs and wonders and profound encounters, and that God is otherwise detached. While I would say that it is true that signs and wonders and amazing things are a part of religion, a wonderful and cherished part too, backing up and looking at the seemingly mundane aspects of the effect of Faith in God. We have to remember that normal tangable existence as well as spiritual presence coexist in the seeming mundane/everyday things of life. Look at some of the things in the bible in the old testament, many of these things aren't just about the fireworks of mysctic encounter. God outlines to Moses things like hygenical practices, the basics of clean living while camping in the desert. Also functional things like a judicial system. There are even things in there about crop rotation, crop rotation that is more in depth than the farming methods we currntly use. This doesn't sound so profound initially but consider that the hygiene relavent ordanances come thousands of years before people have any idea that bacteria exists, they figured out that bacteria exists in 1683 and then like in the 1800's figured out that it causes disease. Think of the grotesque lack of proper hygiene practices in europe's history, or even in the civil war in the U.S., where more casualties were from sickness than from violence. Or on crop rotation think of the dustbowl in the 1920's or 30's in the U.S. in Oklahoma, because of poor farming practices like lack of crop rotation. People are born naked and helpless, we don't know much of anything, somebody needs to spell out clearly to people simple things like don't sleep with your mom. EVerybody would be like the folks on the Jerry springer show. It might be humerous to watch people from trailer parks duke out their inscestious soap opera conflicts, but that is a cheap thrill based in shock value and if it were going on in evry one of your neighbors houses and you were trying to raise a family that was wholesome and genuinely beneficial to the human endeavor you'd freak out. We have some morality in us instinctively, but human beings are way bad at determining right and wrong for ourselves, think of greed or the things that people do that you wish you never heard about. Human history isn't neat and tidy, it has it's dark points, plenty of them, but the light in all of this would not happen without some basic morality, and that is something best defined by someone beyond mankind alone, one with infinite foresight. 97.7 or something like that percent of religious believers in the united states are either Christian, Jewish, or Muslim, my 97.7 percent is rough, from something I read last night, anyhow. Jews Christians and Muslims all honor the Old testament, Jews honor it pretty much exclusively, Christians honor it and the New testament, Muslims honor it, they regard Jesus as a prophet too, and they have their own writings. Sure ther are miscelaneous other religions out there, and we should tolerate them as well, but in practices that involve religion with politics sufficient general ambiguity is used in the semantics that all believers can bow their Hearts to "God", Christians to Father/Son/Holy Spirit, Moslems to Allah, And Jews to YHWH, there might even be folks out there who are pagans or what so, but as long as they are polytheistic they probably won't mind a nod to God, if not to one then to another. Secularism sounds like it's nuetral but really, when most people, which is really true, most people do believe in God in some form, it is shutting everyone out.

So all that I just stated was just a practical measure on the inclusivity of acknowledgement of God in government, but beyond that, God is real, and why should He acknowledge a notion that throws Him Away to rely on their own delusions of how things should be. Do you really want the absolute authority over you to be the state? One can get away with disobeying the laws of the state, by lying cheating and stealing, or by offering bribes, the authority of the state is trumped by the inherent cleverness of man in his determination to have his own way. I know that for me what keeps me inclined toward doing what is right, doing what is right, admitting when I am wrong, and obeying the laws of the state is not the state itself, but the knowledge that I am loved by God more personally and more intimately than any other loves me or can love me, and that it hurts him when I knowingly do wrong in order to have my way in the World. I think that I have my share of kinks that aren't worked out yet but through Jesus's atonement formy wrongdoings, (which saying it that way makes it sound like I know technically how it works, I'm still working on that part) and his compassion and ongoing hand in my life, I will be saved and preserved to be a part of His Coming New Vision of Peace, which is Heaven on Earth.

C:

As far as what you responded to, in response to my response (Phew), I have to say that you still didn't really completely answer my question. Now I agree that I wouldn't want the State to have total control over me, but I also don't want a religious sect having control over me. Lets put this into a different kind of context.

Lets say You, are living your life day to day the way you always have, believing in Christianity, Jesus, and feeling fulfilled in the fact that you can be free to do so. There are other opinions, ideas, religions out there, but you are content with your own. Now, one day a group of people that represent a fictitious majority (Religion X for the sake of the argument), but not your religion, begin taking more and more control over the place in which you live.

Suddenly, your opinion is becoming drowned out among people telling you that they know the ultimate truth and that their beliefs in Religion X and their leader XX is the only truth and the sooner you understand that the better off you will be. Now you don't necessarily disagree with their or anyone elses beliefs, but you are comfortable with your own and don't understand why that should change.

Well in this fictitious example, it wouldn't really make a difference if it were just opinions, but its not. in our culture today, some of the religious views represent things that affect more than just our conversation. Look at stem cell research, abortion, prayer in schools. Now I'm not saying i agree or disagree with any of them, what I'm saying is that these are things that come under scrutiny because of religious beliefs and therefore set a precedent of how EVERYONE lives in our society.

Now back to Religion X, how would you feel being a Christian, living among all of the Religion Xers shouting to get your attention. Magnify that by about a 10 and you start to grasp how I feel.

I think it is great that you have such faith, and that you are willing to teach others. And that in your heart you believe, no feel, it to be true.

But remove yourself from your emotions and consider that if you were anyone else, your beliefs may be different based on what you have been taught, experienced, and felt in your life.

Now tell me, how are you any more right than anyone else in your beliefs? Forget all the historical stuff and the bible. ( i know that may be hard) Look at life, removed from what you have been taught, as just life, with a higher purpose that maybe we are not supposed to know.

I was telling W, that i believe that there is something greater than ourselves, but I think it is silly for us to believe that we have even figured out a fraction of what it is. As long as you live your life as a good person, and enjoy each breath that you take, the reason we take those breaths become secondary.

I understand that most people are not strong enough to live their lives without a purpose. I mean, emotionally weak people need a reason to get up out of bed everyday and if they can find a reason through believing in GOD than I think that is amazing.

I also understand that there are brilliant minds such as yourself who can give me reason after reason why and how Jesus existed and that he is coming back, so on and so forth. But at the end of the day, I would have gotten out of bed anyways, you know? And I would have basked in the notion that there are millions of other people out there who share the same beliefs, through different stories, that I hope to learn one day.

I have faith in people. (most of the time!)
I have faith in myself.
I think that is an amazing thing.

PETER:

I started to reply to your last e-mail, but it got erased before I finished it, that or I lost track of it. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about to perfect detail, but I believe we were talking about church and state, and my response was going to be on why it is beneficial to honor God in the public arena, though a number of different belief systems exist among the population. The reason I think it is beneficial to honor God in the public arena just in general I think was outlined in the last response. I think that if I remember correctly I stated that regard for God is healthy because of the basic foundation it lays for justice and cultural establishment, a lot of things we take for granted. To that, before before I will address the plurality of belief systems I will add that if we were to have only a secular authority as the highest standard of morality layed out in our societal conscious, it would be disastrous. Humanity is not fit to claim that it can set the standard for the highest authority, note that on your website you rail against corruption and the rediculious practices in the government, we cannot "get it right" on our own. The mechanisms of our psyche that demand self interest in order for basic survival of the species corrupt our most righteous aspirations. People who mean well still abuse and oppress other groups of people to atrocious extent, thinking they are right, only because their scope does not extend to understand the needs of the groups they oppress. People are magnificent creatures, but consider that it is impossible for people to understand the needs of other people who are foreign to them. We can be our cruelest in our efforts to be kind even. There is probably a lot more to be said about what I just stated but I will continue and address regard for God in the public arena within the context of religious plurality. The God we should address in public is the most high God, the absolute top, the greatest God. We should address no one smaller, I mean, why should anyone worship a god who also has a God over him/her/it. Then beyond that, anything that would claim to be worthy of worship who were not really the absolute highest authority, would be pretty pretentious. I think that is pretty essential, I mean, we should not in our acknowledgement regard some generic god. So far I've written purely in terms of concept of diety, in rational terms, I mean, even an athiest could agree with that, I think, they might disagree that there is a God or gods, but they would probably agree that if perchance they were wrong on the exitence thing and that there were a God or Gods that only the absolute highest most powerful God is worthy of worship. If there is someone out there who wants to worship a diety they regard as inferior, they have betrayed their worship by regarding that god as inferior, and have further demeaned themselves by worshipping an inferior. I will not for a second consider that there is some other supreme diety than God who has revealed himself through the Bible, that is what I believe, and not only believe by mere feeling, but on the soundest rationale I have a capacity for, I would even extend to say I know that the God of the Bible is God. I do not care to demean any human being that disagrees, because by believing in God I believe that all humans are made in His image and that they are all wonderful creations. I would say that I pursue God, but I don't know everything there is to know about Him, I have learned a lot, and I want to learn as much as I possibly can. At this time I don't know what he looks like for instance. I would want every man woman and child to render their hearts to Him, but I understand that I cannot force this to come about, that this is a matter of the heart and that it would be wrong to force someone into believing, because that would be corrupted belief. So for plurality, I can live in a country where other people worship God in a different manner. I am cool with Jews, they've got it right I'd say, but I understand that a number of factors play into why most of them don't believe in Jesus. The Jews were waiting for God to send their messiah, and when he came, they had distinct ideas about what he was going to do, but those distinct ideas were not in line with what God had planned. They estimated what it was going to be like, and didn't recognize it while it happened. Muslims believe in the Bible, but they've taken on some other information, and they kind of don't view it as absolute. Islam also advances forcefully, accept allah or die was how it was for a long time, I'm sure for that matter christians had some of the same blunders, but those action would have been the product of their minds not Gods. Islam advanced largely violently for a long time in history and that accounts for much of its spread and establishment, and a lot of the world then has islam as thier belief system. That takes care of the 3 major religions, most of the believers out there. I know there are people who believe a lot of other things out there too, but I think those things would be too much too addres in this letter specifically except to say that anyone who believes in god believes that their god is supreme or believes their god is second-rate, but they would probably pray still. In a prayer for the sake of our nation, it is no question that my heart would be bowed toward the God of the Bible. But my neighbor might have his heart bowed to Allah, or somebody else, I am still going to love him, I might if context provides tell him about my faith, but I will not bludgeon him with it. To have secular authority doesn't only offend Christians, but also Jews, Muslims, any pagan, or deist, and possibly agnostic. Secular supreme authority means that athiests rule that humanity and all its vices and folly is the supreme authority.

seperation of church and state never meant that religion was to be out of the public arena, it was meant that the government would not dictate things to the religious. It was put in place so that the government could not send a preacher to jail for preaching. That applies to imams and rabbis and other religious leaders too, that they cannot be forced by the government to teach and preach as the government wills.

Look at the abolition of slavery, look at the civil rights movement. Those things happened because people regarded God over the authority of the government. That didn't happen because of secular authority.

C:

I don't think that I have so much of a problem with people leading the masses with religion to motivate, inspire, help, etc etc. I have a problem with the packaging.
Stay with me here. You said in your last email that you refuse to believe that there is any other GOD but the one that you believe in. And that most major religions are similar in their beliefs. That is fine with me. What I can't understand is why can't it just be "GOD" without having to conform your thinking to one story or another.

If in fact, it is the one supreme GOD, it doesn't really matter what story you believe, as long as you believe something, right? I think that you can have the Bible, or the Koran, or whatever. I think it is all the same. I believe that whatever helps you live your life, is what you should believe in.

Can't I just say that I believe that there is a higher power, without having to commit myself to the very details of how and why? We all know that historically humans are very mischevious and forgetful people. How can we trust them getting the story straight? Thus being human. Why is it so important to focus on the details? As long as you live a good life, treat others with respect, and have LOVE in your heart, every little detail of creation to the present, is not necessary. I believe history is important, so in that sense, I understand why people would join such heated debates, but I also think that getting the facts straight, often leads to more problems than solutions.

And so, I guess what I am trying to say is, I think it is wonderful that you have found what you deem to be the ultimate "truth". But I feel that I have my own sense of truth in my heart, without having to wrap my brain and heart around one particular version or the other. Does that make sense?

At this point in my life, I do not feel lost or misguided. I do not feel like I need answers to questions about GOD. I do not seek the ultimate "Truth". I feel that I am blessed, and I feel that there is something greater than myself. And because of that I do not seek confirmation. Maybe thats just me.

Anyways, if your GOD is all forgiving and I am wrong, I dont think he/she will hold it against me!!!! J/K

2005-07-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

Fourth of July......

It is hard to celebrate sometimes, when you are surrounded by drama. And it's easy for anyone to get cynical when you live in a country that seems to get worse and worse economically and politically every year.

And usually, I find myself to be one of those cynics. This year for some reason, I felt good.

Last week at work, as every one marveled at getting out early and spending an extra day celebrating the "Holidays", I couldn't help but have an instant gag reflex. Not that I don't enjoy having a day or twelve off from work, cause I do.

I just can't help but roll my eyes at people that run around with fake patriotism yelling "Happy Fourth of July", when to them I know that the founding of this country has less significance to them than reality TV. To them, its BBQ's and fireworks, which is great and all, but not really the point.

But as I thought more about it, I realized that the process of celebration itself is enough to give the whole point of Fourth of July meaning.

Freedom. Freedom to sit around in your underwear all day if you want to. Eat a nasty hot dog. Don't take a shower. Get drunk on cheap beer at 2 in the afternoon, or 2 at night on a Sunday cause you can sleep in Monday morning. Be lazy. Be social. Be whatever.

So on this seemingly ordinary Fourth of July I had an amazing time. And I didn't even have to go anywhere. Living in Chicago has its perks here and there, but it was only tonight when I found one of the coolest ones.

Starting at about 7:30 I could stand on my porch and watch fireworks. I didn't have to haul myself to a cluttered field of families, I could stand on my porch, in my pajamas, and watch fireworks.

In every direction there was light and sound. It was as if there were a million tiny thunderclaps going off every second, in every direction.

And it went on for hours.

At that moment, standing alone on my porch, previously feeling lonely for not going out with friends or family, I felt content because realized that I wasn't alone.

Sometimes in a city it is hard to realize how much life is around you. Even though you see people everywhere, it doesnt really hit you. But tonight, it did.

Everyone had slowed down their lives, just for a few hours, to celebrate. In a city of endless possiblity is seems impossible for everyone to be doing the exact same thing that at the exact same time. But they were.

In every direction people were sharing moments. Lots of them. Hours and hours of them. It was unlike anything I have ever seen and felt. I looked around from my porch and saw other people like me, marvelling at the show we didn't even have to leave home for.

And for once I felt utterly grateful to be celebrating Fourth of July, with thousands of people I dont' even know.

2005-07-01T15:34:00.000-05:00

With Liberty and Justice for Some

As people all over the U.S. join together this weekend for a little independence Day celebrations, it makes me wonder what we are really clinging on to.

This week marks the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, and conservatives and liberals alike are scrambling about in speculation and anticipation.

And I'm not afraid to say it......I'm just a wee bit worried.

First of all, I know O'Connor was not your typical conservative. Although many of her opinions had more conservative leanings, there were always just a few moderate opinions that gave me hope for a more balanced bench. She was a voice of reason and often fairness, sometimes facing harsh opposition.

For months everyone was assuming that Chief Justice Rehnquist would be retiring, and liberals every where were freaking out. Who would replace him? Think about it, have you seen the candidates for O'Connor's replacement?

Granted Rehnquist was also a conservative, but he was also a defender of the law, and the judicial system as we know it. His steadfast beliefs that the judiciary should be safeguarded and kept separate from the legislative branch, is something that seems to be lacking in today's political arena.

Do we honestly believe that someone like say, Attorney General Gonzales will be able to keep the ever present "Bush" voice out of his ear?? I mean the guy owes his whole political success, and career to the "W."

As potential candidates go, there have been about 8 people mentioned so far, and all seem to have more conservative leanings (to put it lightly). I just hope that the administration will choose someone who understands what upholding the laws means, and that treating every situation fairly without personal relationship influence, is vital to the future of "democracy", or whatever is left of it.

2005-05-22T14:13:00.000-05:00

I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller…..-cc

So, I’ll just say it now, I am not a huge sports person. Now that’s not necessarily to say that I don’t enjoy some sports.

For example, I love football and for Monday nights I will always be thankful. I like hockey. Actually let me clarify that, I like going to hockey games. There’s something about the cheap beer and men kicking each others asses that really gets me going. It’s kind of like watching gladiators.

As for basketball and baseball……I guess I just really need to be at the game……under the influence, to really get involved.

That being said, I want to state clearly and for the record that I am not a sports hater. I am merely just a person that cannot define life or death with all things involving balls, or pucks.
And especially when being good at handling one of those balls or pucks, means that you are entitled to a better lifestyle than say…..me…?

I am absolutely amazed at the amount of money that goes into paying professional athletes every year. And sure there are the die hard sports fans who will argue that these guys work hard for the money, but honestly to me, their just like work horses that are just dragging people along for a ride.
They are a distraction from life and all the crap around it, and for that I applaud them. They give people something to look forward to, something to care about, be competitive about, and talk about.

But should they really be making that much money?

I was talking to the roommate of a friend of mine and he says that as long as there are corporations out there big enough to sign the checks, than no one is getting hurt.

Now, I understand that concept, hell I even slightly agree with it, but does it really make it right? Instead of just saying, “Fuck It, that’s just how it is” shouldn’t we be saying, “share the wealth”?

With the economy being in the shape that it is right now, couldn’t we divert some of that superfluous money into things that are more deserving than say a……fifth car that someone will never drive….or a giant indoor ski slope?

But anyways, back to sports. Recently, just for laughs, I went online just to see how much the NBA players make in contrast with the WNBA players. I always wondered how weird it must be to be a female basketball player and to know that if you were just born with a penis, you would be a multimillionaire.

What I found was that although the WNBA has half of the amount of teams and players, the average salary is less than the lowest paid athlete in the NBA.

For example, one of the highest paid NBA players makes about $30 million a year. That is more than the entire salary cap for the WNBA times about 30.

Even the lowest paid NBA athlete makes more than the entire salary cap for the WNBA. Now I know that money comes from revenue, and I don’t know anyone who rushes out to buy tickets to WNBA games, or even watches them at home for free, but Wow, that’s really nuts.

Imagine destroying your body for a sport, racking up injuries and medical bills. How are you supposed to pay them on a salary average of $40K a year? Even the WNBA’s highest player only makes about $87 K.

Kinda sucks huh? Make you wonder why some women haven’t tried to have sex changes and play in the NBA. $30 million might be worth it to some people.

Well, Im sure that all these women aren’t completely at a loss. They can always have endorsement deals and advertising dollars coming in to dry their tears with, but man, if I loved basketball that much, I would be pissed.

2005-05-21T14:06:00.000-05:00

To Clone or Not to Clone….That is the Question-cc

As of the last few days, the United States has once again been pushed back in the ranks of countries leading the world in technology in medicine. Hwang Woo-Suk of Seoul University in South Korea successfully cloned an embryonic cell from the DNA of a sick patient, the second successful clone in two years.

And here we are in the United States scurrying around with our priorities completely out of wack.

Sick people? disease you say? Screw em’, we need oil and gas for our SUV’s!!!!!

At some point you really have to start to wonder what is happening to our government when even staunch anti-abortion politicians are disagreeing with President Bush’s crusade on banning stem cell research.

Utah republican Orrin Hatch has been stepping up along with numerous other republicans for years in order to push along bills and funding for such research that could help aid Americans with Parkinson’s disease and diabetes.

But once again we hit a wall of arguments from pro-life supporters who believe that by using embryonic cells (THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THROWN AWAY ANYWAY) we are ending a life.

I just don’t get it.

Honestly, I think that the President and many other opponents know what the benefits of such research would be and would probably support it if they hadn’t buried themselves under piles and piles of “Moral” speeches about the value of “unborn life”.

This isn’t unborn life we are talking about here. These are cells that still need to be implanted manually into a body in order to become a life. If you remove the human element completely, they would never have a chance anyway, so how are we destroying life?

I think that this is an issue that few too many people are focusing on right now. And although I am tempted to side a bit more with the idea of using the cells for research, I can understand why some people are concerned.

If you open the door for cloning, what could possibly slip in underfoot and go unnoticed? Could it be possible for a country to create an army of dispensable cloned soldiers on a mission to kill, kill, kill? Or could people start determining the kind of child they want prior to conception themselves?

And to side with Mother Nature for a second, I can see how cloning to cure disease may offset the natural order of things in life. Maybe we are not all supposed to live till 100. That leads to other problems, such as overpopulation, destruction of forests and the depletion of natural resources.

I almost think that we have natural disasters as a way for the earth to shake off a little extra weight from time to time. I know that sounds bad and all, but realistically, it’s possible.

There are many scary notions to the idea of cloning, but if you think about it in terms of evolution, there have been many scientific advances in the last thousand years that one could have never anticipated, but we couldn’t live with out now.

We’ll just have to wait and see what kind of smart decision our paid lawmakers
can come up with, all the while crossing our fingers that our country won’t become the international version of the slow kid on the short bus.

2005-05-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

I Swear!!! The Dog Ate My Homework! -cc

Remember that one class in high school that you couldn’t stand and without fail would always forget or purposely not do the homework? For me it was Algebra. I don’t know what it was, the Susan Powter look-alike teacher, or just the idea of sitting around trying to figure out why x= AB cause honestly we all know you will never need to know that stuff, despite what your parents said.

I just couldn’t get into it. So it was punishment upon punishment to have to drag the Algebra book home with me under the context of “homework” as if the class work was not torture enough.

And often times I would skip it altogether and have to feign illness or go to great lengths creating a remarkable story for why I didn’t complete the assignment. Usually neither worked. But regardless of my spite for the class, the work, and my teachers hair, I always went to school knowing that I was going to lose credit for the assignment and I would have to own up to it. I would face the consequences of my actions on test day when I would stare blankly on the paper in front of me and wonder why I just couldn’t have done the damn homework assignments.

So here I am today at 24 years old and am facing a whole new slew of challenges through education. I still hate Algebra, in fact I hate anything involving math, but I have a whole new respect for the light workload that I had in high school.

In college, the teachers could care less if you don’t do the work, its your money going down the toilet. And now I even find myself to be a bit of a homework nerd. I learned from my shoddy work ethic in high school that if you don’t do the work, you won’t pass the class and with classes running about $1500 bucks a pop, that’s not a decision I’m willing to make.

Recently I stumbled upon a article about Marya Yates School in Matteson Illinois. Apparently some genius teacher thought it would be a good idea to get rid of homework altogether. Her excuse: Children simply don’t have the time and will get better grades if they drop off all those zeros for missed work.

You think I’m kidding right? Wrong, I wish I was!

Look it up, I swear to you. There is honestly a junior high that has eliminated homework so kids can have more free time.

The real evil at work here?

You got it! The current administration that believes that standardized testing scores are more important than say… teaching children about art and music, and how to be creative.

No no, we have enough of those creative types. What we need is a solid work force that will be happy working for minimum wage right?

So what I’m wondering is, what happens to these kids when they go to high school, or even college. How will they cope with the work load?

I spoke to Dan Cahill, an employee and former writer for Chicago Sun-Times, teacher at Columbia College, and a parent about the situation at Marya Yates School.

“I think that that is absolutely asinine and ridiculous. Education at that level should be directing students towards self re-enforcement by providing them with the tools they need to be successful students on their own.”

And I couldn’t agree more. Even now as I sit and slave away on whatever assignment I have thrown my way, I am tempted to give up halfway through, but my experiments with procrastination and punishment have taught me to do the latter. But then again, maybe I’ll be proven wrong. I mean anyone can be hopeful at the idea of thousands of non-creative, video game expert, and overweight children being pushed out into the real world right? Aahhh....our future.....sounds good huh?

2005-05-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

A Family Divided-CC interview

Imagine coming home from school or work one day and finding your parents sobbing in the kitchen clutching photos of family a world away. Imagine the frustration you would feel at knowing that you came to this country in hopes of gaining opportunity, while leaving behind everyone and everything you know.

Now imagine that one day, your new land of opportunity, a land that you had become a proud citizen of had decided to invade your homeland for reasons you could never understand. For reasons that are insignificant to you because the only thing that matters to you there is your family and their safety.

Every day, as the United States and countries around the world bounce from one conflict to the next, families are torn apart in the fray. For the thousands of Muslim Americans who emigrated here from Iraq, they cannot do anything but sit back and watch, and pray, as chaos and death envelops their homeland and families.

Although the U.S government would like to censor what we see in order to minimize the horror and realizations of the true cost of war by its citizens, we have history to remind us that the battles we engage in have a cost that cannot be measured.

And as the insurgencies and rebellions continue in Iraq, we find ourselves again picking at a cultural scab, North Korea, and the question is when the blood will begin to flow.

For Korean born Jessica, Korea is as foreign to her as Iraq. She was born in Korea, but raised here in the United States and exemplifies all aspects of an American born citizen. She has no Korean accent and is even fluent in Spanish. But although she grew up as an American, she has never attempted to acquire citizenship; instead she lives in Chicago as a resident alien. She says that she just hasn’t gotten around to it, but even more so now, she doesn’t want to. And like most twenty-something Americans, she doesn’t even care if she can vote.

But for her Korean mother, becoming a citizen was something to be proud of. Jessica says that her mom still bugs her about taking the citizenship test, but she really doesn’t see the point, especially now in a time where the United States isn’t proving to be the helpful big brother nation that it claims to be. She feels conflicted about it in the same way that I’m sure many younger Americans feel now, especially following an election of a not-so-popular president after record turnout among younger voters.

As for the conflict of North Korea, she says she can feel how her mother feels divided. I asked Jessica about the current issue in North Korea and quizzed her on some general knowledge of Korea itself. The following was our conversation.

Q: So how much do you know about the conflict in North Korea?
A: Um..Well not as much as I should I guess.

Q: What part of Korea is your family originally from?
A: Well my mother is from South Korea but I know that she had family in North Korea, but I think they are all dead. Actually, my parents always told me that all of the Koreans that are in the U.S. now are from South Korea and that North Koreans were not allowed to leave the country, but I’m not sure if that’s
completely true.

Q: Now you’ve said that you are not really actively pursuing American citizenship,is there any reason for that? Do you have plans to go to Korea again?
A: (laughs) NO! No, I just don’t really think about it that much.

Q: So if there is a major conflict in Korea in the next few years, even if it is just
South Korea, how do you think you would be affected, if at all?
A: Um…I don’t really think that I would

Q: What about your mother?
A: Yeah, I guess she would. She’d probably be scared for family that she still has there. I never even thought about that before now though.

Q: Would you ever have any fears of similar racial profiling that a lot of Muslim Americans are facing in the states today?
A: I never really thought of that either. But not really I guess. I mean there are a lot of Asians living in the states so it would be kinda hard I think to single out the Koreans.

After talking with Jessica for a while, I realized that ethnic roots don’t always have a bearing on how informed people are when it comes to conflicts overseas, even if it involves a region from which they are born. But for Jessica’s mother, and the hundreds of thousands of people who have immigrated to this country over the last 100 years, the idea of conflict in their homeland is a sobering notion that we are only as safe as we believe we are.

2005-05-07T15:50:00.000-05:00

My Daily Dose-CC

So I know that people are probably sick and tired of hearing the youth of America regurgitate the satirical views of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show as truth, I know I am, but I have to give it to Jon Stewart for keeping his show more real than a lot of top networks programming, even under the context of satire.

I sit in classes day after day at what is probably one of the most liberal institutions I have ever encountered, and I often find myself listening to people spout out often lopsided views on politics. And although my political leanings are a bit more towards the liberal side, I often find myself playing devil’s advocate or even defending some of the more conservative views of fellow students. And the only reason I feel compelled to do so is that people are not very well informed.

It saddens me completely to know that a majority of my fellow students, that will soon be stepping out into the world at large, base a majority of what they believe in off of what they hear in programs such as The Daily show, or even MTV News. Are you fucking kidding me?

Now, I watch the Daily Show, not religiously, but enough to respect Jon Stewarts approach to political satire. And although it bugs me to know that he is the main source of news for some of young America, I am relieved that at least someone can get them involved.

I respect Jon Stewarts approach towards issues, and often times I don’t think he gets enough credit for balancing out the humor on all political parties. For example, he had Zell Miller, a notoriouslly outspoken and conservative former democratic senator, and gave him an opportunity to promote his book, although they both have completely opposite views on almost everything.

Long gone are the days of Walter Cronkite and journalism that would make anyone proud. There still are amazing people out their fighting for stories and to get the truth, but I guess it’s just a lot harder now to sift through all the implanted media run garbage. So when I’m dizzy from the sensory overloading that comes from endless hours of half-rate journalism, I’m glad there are people like Jon Stewart out there, to give me a dose of humor and even me out.

2005-04-17T16:54:00.000-05:00

The Pope's Legacy...sounds like a Star Wars movie-CC

Okay so as much as it pains me to talk about the pope AGAIN, I will. It's not that I'm against Catholicism or Christianity as a whole, its just that I am against that idea that if you dont believe what they believe, than your gonna rot in hell.

I quote the pope in 1981: "the church cannot be an association of free thinkers."

So what do they expect people to be, sheep? I understand that the point is to live your life the right way, and you will go to Heaven. THATS GREAT. But I mean, am I that far off when I say that I think by scaring people into behaving a certain way, or even telling them that they are not supposed to be free thinkers, is a kind of violent and odd method. And what if you dont do what your supposed to do? Go to church on Sunday, repent, and all is forgiven? Talk about the ultimate loophole!

Anyways, the pope is gone and he has left behind this legacy which would make any candidate for the job a bit nervous. It's like going on a job interview to replace GOD.

I guess you dont really have to be Catholic to appreciate the many good things that the Pope did, ie: helping end communism, ending wars between nations, helping create better relations between the catholics and the jews.....etc etc....

But for some reason it is easier to dwell on the negative, especially if your not a practising Catholic. It's hard for me to really admire someone completely if there are a lot of things that I dont agree with. For example, his highly conservative views towards abortion, artificial insemination, and homosexuality.

Maybe for me, the biggest issue would be his opposing views towards women in the clergy. Maybe because I'm a girl my opinion is a bit skewed but heres what I think. I think the current state of the church is more conservative and worse off because there arent more women involved in the decision making. I mean, women are stubborn too but I think a bit more flexible.

Especially in issues invoving womens lives such as birth control and abortion. You can't expect a man to really understand what going through something like pregnancy or unwanted pregancy is like.

Well anyway, I hope that the next guy they pick knows what he is in for, and up against.

2005-04-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

For a Good Time Call Pope John Paul II!!!

So today marks the day of the death of the Pope. Seems like a pretty big deal right? Honestly, I'm not what you would call a religious person, more like a spiritual one, but I can still see the significance of his death. He was a world leader, Christ he had his own fuckin city. Wait can I say christ and fucking in the same sentence....? I'm not really to sure on the rules of these things. Anyways, he died yesterday and the whole Christian faith mourns. I can understand that, but man do I not understand where the modern religious ideals have gone.

For instance, last night at work, (keep in mind that I work in a bar) I nearly peed on myself when I caught a glimpse of the words: "Rest in Peace Pope John Paul II April 2005", on the back of the stall door.

After recovering my balance and turning to flush, what do I find there but another set of "RIP POPE" messages on the wall.

Granted, I am not the most up to date when dealing with the modern religious followers, but seriously, isn't it against some sort of law to use the popes name in the bathroom? I mean really, how ironic is it that the pope is being remembered in a stall next to the words:
"For a good time call Mike X...he has a big ......"

This question really leads me to wonder, how do we define religion in our current world? Have we as a people strayed so far from traditional religion that we can't even see that although our intentions may be right, we're not quite getting it. I'm sure that the pope would have loved to know that a good Christian was getting wasted and thought of him while urinating.

Is it really possible to continue on in life believing the same stories, while knowing there are so many other possibilites? For example, I have always wondered how I could believe in one religion, when if I was born in any other part of the world, I would believe in another. How do I know which is the right one? Oh yeah, that faith thing right??? Well I just don't buy it.

For centuries, and in more dark and isolated times, religion was necessary to give people a reason to get up at the ass crack of dawn, participate in back breaking manual labor, suffer wretched diseases and all for a life span of 35 years. Without religion, and the hope of going some place better, wouldnt every one have just said "fuck it" and try to have as much fun and sex as possible? Think about it, there would be no cities or roads or anything without the faithful people to build them.

But now, we live in a more modern society, not necessarily enlightened by any means, but maybe just a little more aware of the world outside our own private boundries. So now we as a race have a harder time grasping onto the concept of morality and life beyond death. We are a people obsessed with right now, gotta have it, ASAP. How often in our daily lives do we even have time to stop and think about next week, much less next lifetime.

This whole religion thing eludes me. However, I am open to the search for a spiritual understanding of life and all things within. I will read about and consider all angles of modern religion, till I find one that makes sense to me. But I'm pretty sure of one thing, I dont think I will be practicing my faith in a bathroom stall. To me, there is only one throne and concept I can worship at a time in there, I like to keep it simple.

2005-04-01T15:45:00.000-06:00

Big Brother....the US Government, Federalism, and Nonsense,-CC

It occurred to me recently that we live in a society of good-hearted, well-intentioned complainers. These are the people who sit on the sidelines and watch life pass by, too scared to actually join in, but quick to point out when others make mistakes. In this country, we are lucky enough to be surrounded by endless opinions, thoughts and ideas that often create mass and sometimes hysterical dialouge. However, it seems that people are often so caught up in the mix, they forget to actually attempt to solve problems.
It's amazing to me that people are so infatuated with stories like Terri Schiavos. This may seem crude but, we all die one day people. Let this family figure this shit out themselves. If it wasnt for the constant barrage of media attention and people putting in there two sense everywhere, this wouldnt even be an issue. It's like people who are Pro-Life and jump all over any attempts made by facilities like Planned Parenthood to help curve pregnancies by encouraging the use of and educating people about birth control. YES they support abortion, but they are at least trying to do something positive to prevent them. These stauch opponents crucify these organizations in the media, and most religious people agree, but I ask these people, How Many Children and Unwanted Babies Have You Adopted?????
This is precisely my point. Have an opinion, but back it up with more than just emotion. People all over the country who are for the government intervention in the Terry Schiavo case are fueling the fires of confusion by screaming about murder and everything else, but what are they doing in their own communities for the greater good. There is a plethera of websites out there now that I can't get enough of. I think that people would truly rather rant and rave than solve problems. Especially in cases like the Schiavos.
As for the government intervention into issues like these, I often wonder whether our founding fathers would have forseen what this nation has become. Even early federalists could not have really known the what large scale government control would mean 200+ years later in a society such as our own.
I believe government intervetion should only be considered in matters that cannot be resolved on a state or local level. At this time and only this time should a centralilzed power be able to come in and change the way in which people are affected in their communities. The government, as a solid entitey is too large and without enough flexibilty to be able to relate to individual situations the way a smaller government can. Smaller government can relate with a human edge, knowing faces and names and being familiar with circumstances. Larger government can only know the law and the extent thereof.
As for our current big government, I agree with Terri Schiavo's husband Michael on the one point where he stated that the administration should be ashamed of themselves. Whether the outcome of her life is right or wrong, we cannot allow a larger power with no sense of humanity to come in and scutinize issues in our private lives.