Mid-West meets East

So here I am writing from the fabulous "Free wireless Internet" provided by the lovely and tightly cramped Bradley International Airport in Hartford( Note to Chicago: If dinky little Hartford has FREE internet, what the hell is taking you so long?), following two weeks of visiting family and friends.

Ever since I lived in Chicago I have only been able to make short trips home, thus making me feel like I never really get to spend time with my family. So this time I decided to make this trip as excruciatingly long as possible to ensure that we would all wanted to kill each other. This way it would hold me over for a longer time away. Weird logic right?

On this particular trip I began to really start to notice all the little differences about my home state of Connecticut and my current home, Illinois.
For the first week I felt great. I saw people that I have missed greatly, revisited all my old drinking haunts, sleep till noon everday. Never a dull moment. Then it dawned on me. Was I missing out on a better life in CT?

Ha! On to week 2....

The next week, it was the old CT I remembered. All the driving, chasing friends, sitting around and watching TV reminded me that my life had evolved past the point that CT could handle. And whats worse is that nothing even seemed to change there at all.

And then I began to miss Chicago. Not so much the city, but my new life in it. I missed my cats, smelly cab drivers, sleeping till noon (ok....wishful thinking), and most of all my new friends who I have come to realize are a big part of my happiness in my life now.

Not that there weren't high points in my trips. My family, as always, was glorious in their humor, their arguing, and most of all in their creating my sense of home.


So without further ado I present a few of the highlights from my families XMAS. And yes, yes, I know we are all nuts!

Mom, steve, and me

Piggin out

Dad and Diane....don't you just love her?


Dad in his true form


Me and Steve

Mission Impossible


Hmmmm.....ponder this

Brother Steve gets in touch with his feminine side

Gangsta Gangsta

Grrrr.....

Uncle Jim, Dana, Jodi

STRIKE!

I know I've wondered a million times what it would be like if for one day everything shut down and the masses were left to fend for themselves.

In Chicago, I have become sickenly dependent on the CTA and I don't know what I would do if they were to strike. I complain about walking three blocks to catch the bus now! Screw 50 blocks!

My heart goes out to all of the huddled, cold, angry commuters in New York City. Somehow it seems like they are gettin a real crap end of the deal. As a commuter I must say, riding public transportation in the first place ain't no picnic! Not only do we deal with the perpetual carnival ride filled with drunks, crazies, loud-mouthed kids, loud-mouth adults, obnoxious tourists, baseball fans, (don't get me started about the drunk jackasses that I have to stand pressed up against after Cubs games at Wrigley Field- that's a whole other blog) creepy men masturbating, homeless urination, stinky cars, non-reliability, long walks in the cold, CELL PHONE IDIOTS, the occasional rude and reckless driver, but now this. It's as if they are playing a sick game, thumbing their noses at the very people that supply their paycheck. Well I have one thing to these people:

Yea, that's right. I said it.

You know, I have a lot of respect for unions, when they are serving a good purpose. But nowadays, it seems that more and more, some unions are plain greedy and annoying.

I remember the days when unions were about helping people. Granted, the 33,700 transit workers have something to gain from this, but what about the millions of people who live and work in NYC?

It was reported today in NYTimes that 20 percent of NYC's workforce did not show up for work today. I'm positive that many of those were taking the day off because they knew they could get away with it (hell, I would), but many people will lose considerable amounts of money by not working.

And with the mania of Xmas shopping underway, retailers could see a financial hit of between 5 to 10 percent of their years profits. So I ask you, how are you helping when your are absolutely hurting more people?

Honestly, I don't have any ill will toward the workers, I just wish that the union heads would have planned this a little better. Maybe in the summer perhaps? When its not cold? Hmmm.....? Any of this sound better to you?

As if New Yorkers needed any other reasons to be cranky.

Holiday Wishes and A Little Soul

So, I am a huge fan of Trent's blog "Pink is the New Blog" because he has a great way of making fun of America's pop culture obsessions. Today I found this picture done by illustrator Todd Umbarger on his site:

How friggin hilarious is that?

And on a completely different note, I found this link to a throw-back Soul Train video and wanted to share it with you.....because who doesn't love Soul Train?

What is it about those dance lines that make me want to shake my ass? Although, I always seem to be the idiot who can't think of anything to do and I end up doing the robot ---------->

or the running man. Yea yea. Make fun if you must. Anyway, for this holiday season I want to wish everyone good times and good booze. And just in case any of you are wondering what I want for Xmas, I have furnished a list:

1) A date with my imaginary husband Jon Stewart.

2) A job here -------------->

3) And this:

I just wanted to make my list easy for everyone!

Later Gators!

ATTACK OF THE POD PEOPLE!!!!!
Beware the wrath of the corporate monkeys......

So I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am not a corporate/or office person. It's not the life- sucking fluorescent bulbs or even the mindless babble that I find myself desperately trying to avoid every 5 minutes from the cows in Accounting. It's my own damn brain. Yup. It's me.

There is a great quote in the movie "Office Space" where the main character, Peter, is discussing his work day with these "Evaluators". He says something like, "In one day I probably do about 1 hour of real work." And this is what he does the rest of the time:

The scary thing is, lately I have begun to look like that at my desk. Snack food and all. I honestly have no idea how these people can come in every day and sit in front of a computer without contemplating the many ways of killing themselves using only objects the around them. I know I have a million times. I also think of the many ways in which I could get fired in a creative and memorable way. Here is just a few of my list:

1) Come to work in a monkey suit and throw my feces at people who anger me.

2) Photocopy my boobs and draw them into a face that I name after the CEO, and distribute.

3) Tell the truth to that woman in accounting who continuously asks me if she looks fat, by mass email.

Ugh, I could go on forever. You get the point. I think there is something inherently evil about a corporate environment that sucks all of the creative life force from your body. I mean how else would these people be able to come in everyday, do the same thing, knowing there is no end but death? If anyone knows, please feel free to educate me. I'm miserable and I'm only here 2 days a week!

I remember when I first started, I liked the idea of a steady paycheck and a low-maintenance environment. Now, I think I am becoming more unmotivated every day that I spend here! Not in my outside life and school though. In fact, I am more motivated in school so that I don't end up having to work in a place like this. Well, I don't want to get onto a rant here (too late, I think) but I just had to get that out.

In the spirit of creating chaos, I leave you with another of my favorite images from "Office Space". Rest in Peace dear fax machine. PC Load letter to you too.

Who Comes Up With This Stuff?

So here I am at my internship, just trying to make it through the day without becoming a
"pod person" (aka corporate monkey) and I stumble upon this little gem of a quiz. (note: sarcasm)

If you have time, take this quiz. It's not that it will enlighten you politically or anything, (if your already not sure, then you probably won't ever get it anyway) it's just so friggin random. I mean, how do they determine your politics with just a few questions? But to be fair I will say that it did get a grasp of my political leanings, but its just funny that it placed me somewhere near Gorbachov and Martin Luther King Jr., and between Hilary Clinton and Gandhi. Who knew Gandhi and Hillary would be so tight? Oh, and P.S, Darth Vader is in there? Randomness quotient = 100%. Interesting. But Random

You are a Social Liberal (71% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: http://www.okcupid.com/politics

It's been a while since I've posted anything. One word, Finals. Enough said.
So rather than whine about how uncreative I am because of school sucking out every inch of my brain capacity, I leave you all with this. Ah Beavis and Butthead. Ain't nothing like it.

TORTURE

It’s become a daily event for most Americans to endure the torture of the “torture talks”. As the Bush administration back peddles across Asia taking an obvious change of tone toward his war critics, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and Vice President Dick Cheney keep shop at home, up to their eyeballs in debate.

Clearly the United States Government underestimates the American people by pretending as if “torture” methods are uncommon in intelligence gathering missions. Do they really expect us to believe that the Senate could actually pass a measure requiring U.S. troops to follow certain interrogation procedures that would work?

Think about it, would Abu Ghraib have happened if we had those procedures?

Absolutely.

Trying to say that the soldiers didn’t know they couldn’t act like that is as asinine as saying that most people do not understand right from wrong.

The point is this, for years our government has acted covertly and sometimes openly to dominate and take control of situations they deem as “threatening”, whether other nations pose a true threat or not.

Look at the CIA. Ever since President Truman signed the National Security Act of 1947, the CIA has been linked to death and government overthrows in countries like Iran, Guatemala, Haiti, Vietnam, Cuba and many more.

Our government has always operated under a shroud of secrecy and in some instances they felt they had to in order to maintain the quality of life in America we know today. So how are we surprised and outraged when the horrific tales of abuse and scandal leak into our homes every morning with the daily news?

Blinded by shock and outrage, our fair nation fails to realize that our society itself has glorified these tactics. Look at our entertainment industry for example. The movies that gross the most money are often spy films or adventure movies like “Mission Impossible” to the James Bond series or even the humorous Austin Powers films.

Every year U.S. citizens have begun sacrificing more of their rights and have handed over the decision-making and the reasoning to our elected leaders in exchange for “security.” In fact we have empowered the government to run freely and without question.

And now we are shocked by how the system operates? It cannot work both ways. If the citizens of this country are outraged, then they must stand up. Otherwise, we will continue to be led by people who will openly and blatantly lie to protect their own interests.

“The history of the United States military is clear. Torture doesn’t work,” Donald Rumsfeld said. “The military knows that. We want our people treated humanely.”

Case and point.

(www.ashersarlin.com)


DEAR INCONSIDERATE LAUNDRY ROOM HOG IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING,

For the last year I have kept silent. I haven't so much as complained, argued or posted annoying little notes. But after today, I just can't keep quiet any longer.

First and foremost I want to start off by saying that I am on to your little plan, and you suck.

A while ago I just chalked up your laundry room habits (ie: putting your clothes in the washer and conveniently forgetting them for an entire day, or putting your clothes in the bad dryer that requires $2 to finish your clothes and leaving them there damp so I can't take them out without feeling guilty) to lazyness. But now I see your genius. If you leave your clothes in the dryer, you know that most people will feel too guilty to take them out wet so they add quarters and time for you so that they will be able to use the dryer sooner. You are just a cheap ass aren't you?

I will no longer add quarters or for that matter, care about your wet clothes. I will no longer support you in a sick co-dependant laundry relationship. I'm sure you thought we had some good times, but the pleasure was always yours. Its over.

Although I'm sure that laundry is a chore we all don't like, we have to do it. So I try to get it over with in a fast and painless process. Why drag it out? And if you are going to drag it out, do it on a Monday for Christ's sake! Not SATURDAY or SUNDAY! Did you not know that the weekend is the busiest time for our fair laundry room?

So in closing I say this, you have made my life hell and now I am turning the tables. I hope you like mold my friend, because you will be seeing a lot of it from now on.

Thank you,

Your no-longer co-dependant neighbor.

Thats either one stupid cat or one really tough mouse.  

US to France: Welcome to our world


Now I'm not going to pretend that I am an expert in French History. Hell, I am only briefly familiar with your current history. But I can't help feeling like I need to weigh in on the current state of your country right now. Maybe its because for some reason I suddenly feel strangely connected to the French people.

Civil unrest you say? Class Struggle? Hmmmm... Do we ever have something in common.

I know that over the years there has been this Anti-French/Anti-American feud between our two countries, that has roots most likely found in war. And I also know that as hard as I may try, even I succumb to a little ignorance about your people now and again.

But considering that now you guys seem to be in quite a pickle, I feel it may be time for us to give up the stubbornness and for you listen to American advice for once. And not because we are some all-powerful, all-knowing nation, but simply because we know a thing or two about economic screw-ups. I mean really, who would be better than the United States to give you a crash course on what NOT to do in a time like this?

As the fires burn on in your fair country, I see many of your leaders in a political version of dodgeball. For this, I am very saddened. I don't know that much about this Nicolas Sarkozy character you got running the Interior ministry, but what I do know I don't like.

Any person whose bright idea for ending civil unrest is deportation is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Does he not realize that that will only further the disdain and lack of trust by the poorer classes in your country?

I know by looking at the problem-ridden social programs instituted in the US by our government we are not setting a great example for a harmonious country, but at the end of the day we don't give up. That's the way it is here. We may have drama, but its everyone's drama to share and slowly (sometimes very slowly) we will figure things out.

Do you really want to run the risk of looking like the racist, bratty nation who decided that since they couldn't control the generations spawned from immigrant workers, that they would just sent them back? Seriously?

At least Jacques Chirac seems to have a clue:

``We need to respond in a strong and quick way to the unquestionable problems that many inhabitants of the deprived neighbourhoods surrounding our cities are facing,'' Chirac said.

So I say, get rid of this Sarkozy guy. He seems to be the reason a lot of rioters are unhappy in the first place. I can't remember which publication it was in but there was a great quote from this rioter kid who said the day they kick Sarkozy out of office would be the same day he would turn himself in. He could feel safe again in the hands of authorities.

Crazy right? Of course there is no way he would turn himself in but, hey whatever works right?

So dear France, in your great time of need I say look to us as your example, and try not to repeat. Learn to embrace your cultural differences for it will bring a chaotic beauty unparalleled. And most of all, give the Americans a break once in a while, for now you really see what it is like to live in complete dysfunction 24/7.

This is the kind of world we live in. ARE U KIDDING ME?? 

This is where I'm taking my next vacation. Anyone interested? 

A Filibuster A Day Keeps My Conflicts Away

So as we draw closer to our holiday seasons, there are things in life we look forward to and things that we dread.

Of course there is the hasstle of waiting in the circus-like lines of department stores as we make our last minute X-MAS purchases. (and when I say last minute I do mean the day before)

But then again, there is the luxury of food and booze that hopefully make all of our stresses melt away.

The other day as I was talking to my mother about the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, she said something that struck me as funny. She said she was looking forward to the controversy that will no doubtedly spark up a good filibustering for the holiday season.

How funny is that?

So I began thinking about the filibustering system, and might I say that I am a fan? The fact that you can postpone something as serious as legislation by resorting to tactics similar to temper tantrums utterly amuses me.

So folks, for this holiday season, I give to you my idea of incorporating the age old tactic of filibustering into our daily lives.

How great would it be if you could just filibuster anyone at anytime about anything?

Think about it, SBC pissing you off? FILIBUSTER. This is what you do, call them up and invoke your rights to filibuster them. No longer will corporations have us by the short and curlies if they are mandated to sit through a filibustering process with all of their customers. Until they take the time to come to your house and finally fix your DSL that you have payed $5o friggin dollars a month for (ON TIME) but still cannot use successfully, you will filibuster them and take valuable minutes away from their workdays.

Soon they will be paying people not to be productive, but to listen to whomever decides to tirade!!

And in the spirit of the holidays, you should be able to filibuster long lines. I know its happened to all of us before: there you are at 7:55pm the night before XMAS and the store is closing in 5 minutes. Of course there are nearly 30 people ahead of you so what do you do? FILIBUSTER.

You recite useless babble at an uncomfortable volume in a manner that is almost psychotic to get the people ahead of you out of your way. I mean, it has to work. Especially if you are in the burbs.

City people might be a little harder to shake considering most of us spend 50% of our commuting week next to the crazy drunk guy peeing on himself while reciting the words to Twinkle Twinkle.

But still, don't be discouraged.

Even when Strom Thurmond filibustered for a record 24 hours against the civil rights act (that eventually got passed anyway), he came prepared. Apparently he dehydrated himself in a sauna the day before, and had an aide on stand by with a bucket.

Now thats dedication. Sick dedication for a completely stupid arguement, but dedication just the same.

And how often in school have you received a sub-par grade for something that you knew deserved better? FILIBUSTER.

Oh man I can see it now. Crowded school hallways would part in my presence if I had the power of the Filibuster up my sleeves.

You never know, filibustering could become an everyday thing. And even if the results ended up against our favor, we could get all that crazy rage that we end up taking out on our families during the holidays.

But then again, X-Mas wouldn't be X-Mas without someone getting drunk, crying, or angry. Hey, thats what families are for.

Lessons for Life

What would the world be like if Mozart never had a piano? Would the world be as colorful if Picasso had never learned how to paint? What would the game of baseball have been like if Babe Ruth had never picked up a bat?

These questions may seem silly, but they are not unrealistic queries when you consider the future of arts, music and athletic programs in schools.

Recently a teacher at a Southside Chicago Public School sat down to discuss her concerns for being trapped in a system that doesn’t allow children to strive. In her school, the primary focus is the basics, math and reading, but her fear is that the schools are leaving time for little else.

Not to long ago, as most adults will recall, a school day at most public schools consisted of the dreaded classes, horrific lunches, and to the dismay of most students, gym class. But even if you were the uncoordinated kid, you went to school acknowledging that at least you were getting some exercise.

And then there were the creative-type students who found their only outlets of release through art or music classes. After being the target of almost every dodge-ball game in gym class or lamenting the pointlessness of Algebra, the artistic students at least had an opportunity to forget about it all for a short time every day and immerse themselves in their work.

Today the world is shaping up to be a very different place for young minds.

The Southside teacher explained that currently at her school the kids have gym once a week and there isn’t any kind of music program at all.

How can this be?

In a recent study conducted in nearly 1000 schools in Illinois and with information supplied by superintendents, the hope for diverse learning programs is dwindling. Stephanie Banchero, a staff writer for the Chicago Tribune, investigated into this issue and found some very troublesome results.

In her early October article, she reported that as school budgets tighten across the country and the mandates of the No Child Left Behind Act take hold, educators are being forced to eliminate many art, music and athletic programs in schools to focus on the fundamentals of standardized testing.


So the real question yearns to be asked: What will our world be like in 10 or 20 years when we are not providing the tools for our children to explore the colors and beauty of music and art?

As our small world becomes even smaller with the advent of technology, it is a pretty safe assumption that without these things, we are running the risk of becoming a dull and homogenized culture.

And as the education systems in the U.S. bend to meet the needs of standardized testing, our country will be most likely producing far less creative thinkers. This could be a dangerous proposition in a technological time where creativity and innovation are of the highest importance to stay competitive with the rest of the world.

Pablo Picasso once said “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” If this is true, and we are not providing an environment for art to flourish in our youth, then where will art ever fit in?

Thanks Starbender!! 

Happy Halloween Ya'll 

This posting is in honor of my mother who is currently sitting outside the White House with thousands of other people protesting George W. Bush. 

This is about right....... 

This is how I feel today 

The Service Industry: Dealing with morons since the dawn of time.

To all my fellow comrades who have fought along side me for years in the thankless, dirty, and frustrating trenches of the service industy: I commend your efforts. This blog is dedicated to all of the people who have ever been stiffed by customers, asked their age 99 times a night, had their asses pinched, been puked on or in the vicinity of, had to clean puke, wait on bachelor/bachelorette parties, I SAY THAT ONE AGAIN, Wait on bachelor/bachelorette parties, and listen to the general annoyance of women with shrill high pitch voices screaming about nothing while some asshole in a suit clicks his fingers at you as if your a fucking butler.

I am not your slave, I simply provide your drinks asshole.

Whew! Now that I got that out of the way, I have to say to all the people who shake their heads at this blog thinking, "Well you chose to work in a bar!", Shut up. Just shut up.

I think now would be an appropriate time to break out my vision of how to make this world a more liveable place. I think it should be mandatory (like civil services in Germany) for every high school graduate to work in the service industry for at least 2 years.

Reason #1- You learn the value of hard work and earning money

Reason#2- You absorb an endless amount of manners about how you should behave in public. (Due to the fact that you realize that most people do not have any)

Reason#3- You become a generally more considerate person to other people in social settings. (However, you do run the risk of completely losing respect for all human beings at the same time.)

Its amazing to me how close to animals people really are. NO really. Currently aside from a social experiment I call "corporate hell", I work in a music venue/bar. And over the years working at various establishments, I have realized that people, no matter what background or race or religion, all share one very common trait.

Manners.

Yes folks, manners. I have come to realize that we have stumbled upon a point that all people regardless of class or gender, all seem to fall short on.

I wont bore you people with the details, but lets just say this, I could write this blog for 4 days without stopping, just on the stupid things people have said to me, or done in my presence while in a bar/restaurant.

And we are talking everyone. Example: Man walks into the bar I work at. See's a bar full of people and a band playing on stage and asks "Do you guys have live music tonight?" Am I missing something? Does the loud music and people playing guitars escape this guy that easily?

Apparently. It happens at least twice a night!



Or my personal favorite on a slow night: "Where is everyone tonight?" I am often tempted to slap people upside the head, but I usually just reserve to my handy dandy sarcastic response of, "I don't know, I thought they were all with you."

Anyway, I dont mean to rant......actually I do, but the point is, try to be a bit more aware of your surroundings people. And no, despite what you might think, I am not pulling in hundreds of dollars a night, thats what strippers make, so dont be so fucking cheap!

Thank you for listening. I must leave now to go spend another night "Serving" you people. I just hope this blog gets to you in time.