Boxes = Records Management
(Who thinks of this crap?)

Ok people, so what does this look like to you?




Boxes you say? Well that's what they would have you believe. Today strolling through the hallways of the corporate wasteland that I fondly call work, I locked eyes with what any normal person would consider boxes.

But alas, some marketing genius had labeled these company boxes "Records Management".

A box. Records management.......hmmm...... That box company is genius!! Now they can sell the same box that is normally .45 cents for $1.50! With such an important name you could never doubt its usefullness to your operations.

And I began to think, have we begun given useless job labels out now to even inanimate objects in the office to give them relevance? What kind of society are we in that feels that we must place the utmost importance on any object.....down to the lone thumbnail on the cork board.

Thumbnail you say? It is no longer a thumbnail, but a Paper Security Fastner Expert. Don't you dare consider demeaning it!

Ok, so I know I am pretty much rambling nonsense here but come on, what other excitement do I have in this hole they call an office.

I just wish I had thought of the box thing first.

The Rise and Decline of my Education....

I remember when I used to think that attending college was just about the best thing I could do with my day. I mean, who wouldn't want to immerse themselves in the wisdom of teachers and spend hours discussing things of social and cultural relevance?

That was till I began attending Columbia College.

Sure, there are the highs. Motivating teachers who push me to do my best and inspire me to be greater than I can dream.

But more often than not there are the lows. Hours and hours of sitting in front of someone who looks about as lost as the freshman their first day wandering around the Chicago campus.

I seriously sat in a class ( a journalism class for christs sake) and talked about the booming real estate market in Chicago.

WHO GIVES A SHIT!

I yearn for the crumbs of educational enlightenment that fall from the mouths of over-privledged students who can afford to sit in classrooms taught by nobel-prize laureates and writers. And they just shove it in there. No chewing, just swallowing and passing it through as quickly as it comes in.

But alas, I spend time in classrooms with some teachers who find value in talking about themselves and real estate.

How does that expression go? "Those who can't do, teach?" Just kidding though. I have the utmost respect for a lot of teachers.

But I beg of them all.....please please please....for the love of buddha, jesus, ganesh, whatever.......Make it worth the endless hours of backbreaking work and endless student loans that I pay to afford to sit before you in class. I mean, I even try to listen, unlike many students. You should thank me for my captivation. Otherwise.....it would be crickets for you.

Whew. I feel better now.

I just hope you all (aka my teachers) get it. Dammit.

Viva Mexico......

At last, I am back and alive after Spring Break 06'. Which I might mention was Spring Break numero uno for me, and sadly the last.

Trying to avoid the typical nonsensical insanity that is college students partying and puking their ways through the week, me and my friends Brad and Mike opted for a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico. Now I knew that there would be crazyness regardless, I was just hoping that a cruise would serve to provide us a weeks worth of stuff to do without actually having to use our brains very much. And I was right.

I would have to say that the best part of the cruise was the food. I seriously haven't eaten that well since......um....well ever. Being the same weight for the last 5 years, I was also shocked to realize that I think I packed on a few pounds from the daily gorging!

There were high points......Karaoke nights and being a celebrity in international waters, watching Brad and Mike scale their way up the rock walls, the lobster and Beach in Cozumel, and there were the low......crappy weather on thursday, cabin fever, sea sickness, and seeing the same faces in the bars night after night, but over all the trip was fun. I have decided to post a few pictures from the trip, Enjoy!!



(Sky in the gulf of Mexic0)



(This is what vacation looks like.)



(me & my hoes....aka Mike and Brad)


(Yup that's Mickey Dolenz from the Monkeys! Haha!)


(Mike was a little drunk...and thought he was a fish)


(Getting Catty)





I'm Out!!

18 days and counting.........

Ahhh....Only 18 days till my vacational bliss. At the end of the month I am taking a cruise with a couple buddies to Mexico. I can't friggin wait. This will be my official first real vacation EVER. And I owe it all to my friend VISA. Without whom I would never be able to enjoy a stroll on a Mexican beach, dance around like a jackass, and generally drink until I look like this:

Me and my friend Brad were talking about how people seem to be disappearing quite frequently from the Royal Carribean Cruise Line ships. He said that they should outfit the entire ship with a velcro type of floor and we could all wear little velcro suits when we are drunk like this:

Wouldn't that be hysterical?

The Rat Race.....



Does it ever drive you crazy to sit and listen to people having polite conversation? Today on the train I think that if I could have found a sharp enough object to jam in my ears, I would have. My question is, do people actually think that some of the stuff they are talking about is interesting?

For example.....Picture two guys, sitting across fom each other on the train.

Guy 1: Man the Brown line is slow today.

Guy2: Yup. Sure is slow.

G1: But you never know right?

G2: Yup, you never know.

G1: I like the brown line though. Its pretty clean.

G2: Yea, yeah its pretty clean. And scenic.

G1: Scenic?

G2: Yea, scenic. You know cause its above ground.

G1: Oh yea totally. And clean.

G2: Definately cleaner than the Red Line.

G1: The Red Line? Yup that train is dirty. But its faster than the Brown Line.

G2: Sometimes. One time, it was really slow. I was on it for like 20 minutes when it was stopped. That sucked. I would have rather been on the Brown Line where its above ground.

G1: Yup. You'd have something to look at

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?????? AAAGGGHHHHHHHH.

Now imagine that for like 30 minutes.

I seriously had to contain myself from standing up and shouting SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

At that point I would rather be sharing the train car with the crazy men that urinate on themselves. At least when they babble its entertaining and about:

"Monkeys that shoot fire out of their butts while doing their taxes and OH! Back in the day I was a gay cowboy who used to dress up like Pickles and jump into the middle of peach sandwiches with some KY on the side."

Yes folks, I would rather hear that.

Fin.

World, meet Lenny.....

Ok, so I felt a little guilty about posting the picture of Bob and not putting one up of Lenny. As soon as I posted his picture she began lookin' at me with that "It's cuz he's white ain't it" face. Jeez, does she know how to get me. Well, here it is. Now I feel better. And yes, she has half a tail.

Now that concludes the queeriest portion of my blogging career ever. I am now one of those people who post pictures of their animals. Sheesh. But I suppose it could be worse. I could be putting up pictures of my cats dressed in funny little outfits, or worse........Behold:


No, your eyes are not fooling you....That is a squirrel dressed up as President Bush. And you think thats bad? Check out the Sugar Bush Squirrel site for more of this sort of thing.

See, now I don't feel so bad. Hee Hee

For My Homie Bob......

As some of you may know, this is my cat Bob. Today I am writing a post in his honor because he is really sick.

Goddamn cats....

Really though, they are such a pain in the ass. But alas, I love him and therefore have shelled out the equivelant of my rent money to that no good, comb-over having, creepy pedophile looking veternarian. And all for the love of Bob.

So thats just about it. Everyone send your positive thinking his way for a speedy recovery, or for my financial relief. Goddamn cats......

Here is a pic of Bob in better, fatter days....

Feel better soon little man!

Does this bother anyone else?

Three Men and an Alien.....

The heartwarming story of three inept men and one really odd alien facing the challenges of incompetence together.

"Two nukes up!"- raves White House movie critics.

"A must-see action adventure where you never no what to expect and no one is held accountable!" - Pentagon News


Effects Coming toYour Neighborhood Soon!!!



These, my friends, are our leaders......

Now being a person who talks a lot, I can understand freudian slips or word jumbles. But I tend to hold people of significant power to higher standards when they are making bold and political statements. Should I not? Are these not the people we should turn to for answers? Are these not the people making the decisions that ultimately affect our existence?

In light of the fact that I am having a particularly hard time keeping myself from flinging random items at the television every time I see one of our "leaders", I have decided to uses a this blog as a bit of therapy.

So with no further ado I present to you a few my favorite stupid things our leaders have said, in no particular order. And since I am loathing Dick Cheney a bit more today than usual, I will start with him.



Dick Cheney on dealing with terrorists:

"I think you have to destroy them. It's the only way to deal with them."

Does anyone else think he is channeling a deceased leader from Germany? Hmm...... ponder that for a while.

"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators." --March 16, 2003

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." -- on the Iraq insurgency, June 20, 2005

"Go f*ck yourself." --to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton, June 25, 2004

On we go to Donald Rumsfeld......

"As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." —Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, responding to a U.S. soldier serving in Iraq who asked him why troops had to dig through scrap metal to armor vehicles, Dec. 8, 2004 (Source)

"I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work." --Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, asked to estimate the number of Iraqi insurgents while testifying before Congress, Feb. 16, 2005


Wow, good stuff huh? And finally, everyones personal favorite:




"I mean, there was a serious international effort to say to Saddam Hussein, you're a threat. And the 9/11 attacks extenuated that threat, as far as I-concerned." —George W. Bush, Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005

"You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." —George W. Bush, on the Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005

And my personal favorite:

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio)

Alright, I feel a little bit better now that I got to take out my frustrations posting this stuff. At least my television is spared for one more day.( but between you and me that box has been cruisin for a brusin' for quite some time now anyway)

Watch This!!!!!

Hello all! I thought I would post a clip my mother sent me. She's always really good about finding random liberal stuff online. It is so funny, and see Mom, I told you Will Ferrell was hysterical.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38792/

So whats wrong with an effin' truce?????

I guess my whole life I have been made to think that a truce was a good thing. I guess I was wrong. To hear it from the Bush Administration, a truce is a admonishment of failure. I thought I wasn't going to have anything new to write about today, but then the CIA authenticated Osama Bin Laden tape appeared on Al-Jazeera and across the globe in milliseconds.

And again I have been amazed at the sheer ignorance of our political leaders. White House spokesman Scott McClellan spoke with reporters today in response to the tapes and discussed Osama's reference to a "truce" among our nations. Now the word in question here is TRUCE. The dictionary defines a truce as:

" a state of peace agreed to between opponents so they can discuss peace terms "

OR

"A temporary cessation or suspension of hostilities by agreement of the opposing sides; an armistice.
A respite from a disagreeable state of affairs"

So here is my question. What is the F****** problem with a truce>?

Here is what our genius McClellan had to say today in the Washington Post:

"We do not negotiate with terrorists. We put them out of business. The terrorists started this war and the president made it clear that we will end it at a time and place of our choosing."

O.K. So let me get this straight. We have "terrorists" who have been making systematic attacks around the world, killing innocent people and who are just generally pissed off and impossible to reason with. And these same irrational terrorists are proposing a truce and we decline? And not just decline. Slam down in the most irrational way!!

Who sounds like the terrorist now?

I don't pretend to know everything that our so-called intelligence knows, but I do know this. It would be ignorant and stupid in the most immense and profound way to turn down an opportunity to create conversation if even for just one day.

Right now what are our alternatives? Endless more lives lost?

For once it would be nice to have someone with half a brain make the decisions that affect human life.

I also want to take the time to applaud the many American people who oppose the war and are vocal about it in the opinion polls. By speaking up we can show the rest of the world that we are all not war mongering idiots.

To read the full transcript of the tape click on this link.

FYI: A truce was offered to Great Britian before the attacks on London. They declined. Hmm......forshadowing maybe????

It feels like a freakin' monday up in this place!!!!

So I've been feeling kind of bleh lately and haven't really had anything of value to share with you kiddies. And in effect I ended up posting a picture of a kitty.

Maybe it's because I am on school break and only have 999,999 things to do as opposed to 1,545,987 things to occupy my week.

Don't you fear, I'm sure the ball with get rollin' with some new and interesting material once I return to that slacker/stoner/creative type hell hole that prances around in disguise as a college next week.

Until then I thought I'd share a tidbit from the Onion that made me laugh outloud. Yes, I know it is probably in poor taste, but dammit its funny.

"Suicide Bomber Reacts Poorly To Surprise Birthday Party"



And now I leave you, with the dying urge to post another ridiculous animal picture. I Will Not Succumb!! I know I know, I have a problem.

Afternoon Randomness......


Dear Animal Owners:

Dare I ask? What in gods name would make you do this to your cat? I know it's semi-funny when you first see it, but then it slowly becomes sad.

Poor thing. His little kitty boobs are now forever exposed for the world to see.


CAT: I feel so used......so naked.......
Owner: "You look sooooo cute!! Doesn't he look cute? Like a little lion?
CAT: I hate you.
Owner: "Aren't you just the cutest little lion in the whole world? Yes you are! Let me go get the camera"
CAT: NO! Not the camera!!!! You stupid f*!@. I will poop in your shoes! I WILL I SWEAR!
Owner: "Ok little lion!! Smile pretty for the camera!!!" Wait till my Aunt Agnes sees you!!"
CAT: I piss in your mouth in your sleep.
Owner: "What's that? You want to show off your new haircut?"
CAT: NO!!!! All my friends will see!!!! I'm dying inside. You have killed me. Dead.......

-THE END

Moving On......

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you can feel yourself change? Spiritually, mentally, physically, whatever. It's really intense.

Earlier tonight I had such a moment.

Sitting around people and "friends" that I have grown to know over the last few years at my part-time jobs yearly Xmas party, I felt a click in my heart.

For months I have been fighting it. These are people that are slightly amusing, but not earth-shaking. And on some level I feel like I have grown attached to a few of them. Even the people aside, my job itself is pretty sweet. Not only do I have the best bosses in town (financially and patiently) for bar owners, the job itself is pretty cake.

Yet tonight the finality of my own personal change finally outweighed the positive aspects of my surroundings.

I really admire those people who can just go to "Work" and tune out their surroundings long enough to make money. I, on the other hand, need to somehow enjoy what I do. Even if it's part-time. At least enough to make me feel that I am not completely surrounded by assholes who could care less about me, or the world around them for that matter.

It's not that I am seeking some intellectual haven, (Please it is the service industry!), its just that I like to have a decent conversation once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

In my current situation it is. It's like I'm surrounded by mental midgets. It's not like some of these people are not smart, some of them suprise me with their intellect. They just don't seem to care! About anything.

There is so much I love about my bar: the live blues music, the entertainers, the tourists. And there is so much I hate about it: the entertainers (sometimes), the tourists ( most of the time) and the dullness I feel being surrounded by people that do not inspire or motivate in me in any way.

So tonight, I felt the click. That moment of no return when you finally realize something is over. A relationship, a job, a liking to a favorite show. Whatever.

How I long for the days of simple wage earnings. No bullshit, no feelings, no cares. If only I could be a working class zombie. Hmmm... how much easier everything could be. (PLEASE NOTE: SARCASM IN USE)

"Would you like fries with that?" would be my motto.

But alas, I am destined for the harder( but hopefully more prosperous) road. I know I will become a better person for it and at least I won't have to serve fries in a paper hat, or worse yet, wake up at 37 and realize that I still work in a bar.

Mid-West meets East

So here I am writing from the fabulous "Free wireless Internet" provided by the lovely and tightly cramped Bradley International Airport in Hartford( Note to Chicago: If dinky little Hartford has FREE internet, what the hell is taking you so long?), following two weeks of visiting family and friends.

Ever since I lived in Chicago I have only been able to make short trips home, thus making me feel like I never really get to spend time with my family. So this time I decided to make this trip as excruciatingly long as possible to ensure that we would all wanted to kill each other. This way it would hold me over for a longer time away. Weird logic right?

On this particular trip I began to really start to notice all the little differences about my home state of Connecticut and my current home, Illinois.
For the first week I felt great. I saw people that I have missed greatly, revisited all my old drinking haunts, sleep till noon everday. Never a dull moment. Then it dawned on me. Was I missing out on a better life in CT?

Ha! On to week 2....

The next week, it was the old CT I remembered. All the driving, chasing friends, sitting around and watching TV reminded me that my life had evolved past the point that CT could handle. And whats worse is that nothing even seemed to change there at all.

And then I began to miss Chicago. Not so much the city, but my new life in it. I missed my cats, smelly cab drivers, sleeping till noon (ok....wishful thinking), and most of all my new friends who I have come to realize are a big part of my happiness in my life now.

Not that there weren't high points in my trips. My family, as always, was glorious in their humor, their arguing, and most of all in their creating my sense of home.


So without further ado I present a few of the highlights from my families XMAS. And yes, yes, I know we are all nuts!

Mom, steve, and me

Piggin out

Dad and Diane....don't you just love her?


Dad in his true form


Me and Steve

Mission Impossible


Hmmmm.....ponder this

Brother Steve gets in touch with his feminine side

Gangsta Gangsta

Grrrr.....

Uncle Jim, Dana, Jodi

STRIKE!

I know I've wondered a million times what it would be like if for one day everything shut down and the masses were left to fend for themselves.

In Chicago, I have become sickenly dependent on the CTA and I don't know what I would do if they were to strike. I complain about walking three blocks to catch the bus now! Screw 50 blocks!

My heart goes out to all of the huddled, cold, angry commuters in New York City. Somehow it seems like they are gettin a real crap end of the deal. As a commuter I must say, riding public transportation in the first place ain't no picnic! Not only do we deal with the perpetual carnival ride filled with drunks, crazies, loud-mouthed kids, loud-mouth adults, obnoxious tourists, baseball fans, (don't get me started about the drunk jackasses that I have to stand pressed up against after Cubs games at Wrigley Field- that's a whole other blog) creepy men masturbating, homeless urination, stinky cars, non-reliability, long walks in the cold, CELL PHONE IDIOTS, the occasional rude and reckless driver, but now this. It's as if they are playing a sick game, thumbing their noses at the very people that supply their paycheck. Well I have one thing to these people:

Yea, that's right. I said it.

You know, I have a lot of respect for unions, when they are serving a good purpose. But nowadays, it seems that more and more, some unions are plain greedy and annoying.

I remember the days when unions were about helping people. Granted, the 33,700 transit workers have something to gain from this, but what about the millions of people who live and work in NYC?

It was reported today in NYTimes that 20 percent of NYC's workforce did not show up for work today. I'm positive that many of those were taking the day off because they knew they could get away with it (hell, I would), but many people will lose considerable amounts of money by not working.

And with the mania of Xmas shopping underway, retailers could see a financial hit of between 5 to 10 percent of their years profits. So I ask you, how are you helping when your are absolutely hurting more people?

Honestly, I don't have any ill will toward the workers, I just wish that the union heads would have planned this a little better. Maybe in the summer perhaps? When its not cold? Hmmm.....? Any of this sound better to you?

As if New Yorkers needed any other reasons to be cranky.

Holiday Wishes and A Little Soul

So, I am a huge fan of Trent's blog "Pink is the New Blog" because he has a great way of making fun of America's pop culture obsessions. Today I found this picture done by illustrator Todd Umbarger on his site:

How friggin hilarious is that?

And on a completely different note, I found this link to a throw-back Soul Train video and wanted to share it with you.....because who doesn't love Soul Train?

What is it about those dance lines that make me want to shake my ass? Although, I always seem to be the idiot who can't think of anything to do and I end up doing the robot ---------->

or the running man. Yea yea. Make fun if you must. Anyway, for this holiday season I want to wish everyone good times and good booze. And just in case any of you are wondering what I want for Xmas, I have furnished a list:

1) A date with my imaginary husband Jon Stewart.

2) A job here -------------->

3) And this:

I just wanted to make my list easy for everyone!

Later Gators!

ATTACK OF THE POD PEOPLE!!!!!
Beware the wrath of the corporate monkeys......

So I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am not a corporate/or office person. It's not the life- sucking fluorescent bulbs or even the mindless babble that I find myself desperately trying to avoid every 5 minutes from the cows in Accounting. It's my own damn brain. Yup. It's me.

There is a great quote in the movie "Office Space" where the main character, Peter, is discussing his work day with these "Evaluators". He says something like, "In one day I probably do about 1 hour of real work." And this is what he does the rest of the time:

The scary thing is, lately I have begun to look like that at my desk. Snack food and all. I honestly have no idea how these people can come in every day and sit in front of a computer without contemplating the many ways of killing themselves using only objects the around them. I know I have a million times. I also think of the many ways in which I could get fired in a creative and memorable way. Here is just a few of my list:

1) Come to work in a monkey suit and throw my feces at people who anger me.

2) Photocopy my boobs and draw them into a face that I name after the CEO, and distribute.

3) Tell the truth to that woman in accounting who continuously asks me if she looks fat, by mass email.

Ugh, I could go on forever. You get the point. I think there is something inherently evil about a corporate environment that sucks all of the creative life force from your body. I mean how else would these people be able to come in everyday, do the same thing, knowing there is no end but death? If anyone knows, please feel free to educate me. I'm miserable and I'm only here 2 days a week!

I remember when I first started, I liked the idea of a steady paycheck and a low-maintenance environment. Now, I think I am becoming more unmotivated every day that I spend here! Not in my outside life and school though. In fact, I am more motivated in school so that I don't end up having to work in a place like this. Well, I don't want to get onto a rant here (too late, I think) but I just had to get that out.

In the spirit of creating chaos, I leave you with another of my favorite images from "Office Space". Rest in Peace dear fax machine. PC Load letter to you too.

Who Comes Up With This Stuff?

So here I am at my internship, just trying to make it through the day without becoming a
"pod person" (aka corporate monkey) and I stumble upon this little gem of a quiz. (note: sarcasm)

If you have time, take this quiz. It's not that it will enlighten you politically or anything, (if your already not sure, then you probably won't ever get it anyway) it's just so friggin random. I mean, how do they determine your politics with just a few questions? But to be fair I will say that it did get a grasp of my political leanings, but its just funny that it placed me somewhere near Gorbachov and Martin Luther King Jr., and between Hilary Clinton and Gandhi. Who knew Gandhi and Hillary would be so tight? Oh, and P.S, Darth Vader is in there? Randomness quotient = 100%. Interesting. But Random

You are a Social Liberal (71% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: http://www.okcupid.com/politics