The greatest hour of television… the stupidity of 51% of Americans...and some jackass named Toby Keith

After another blissful evening watching the The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, me and my roommate got into discussing how hilarious Steven Colbert was at the White House Correspondents dinner. I mean, did most of those guys even realize that his show is a farce?

“That Steve Col-what’s his name is pretty good for that liberal scum network,” says conservative talking head #1.

“I agree, it’s about time they got to balancing out the REAL side of the news,” says conservative taking head #2.

“Yeah, especially after that commie Jack Steward or whatever-his-name-is, takes a crap on our good moral values for a half hour a day to those young pot heads,” says CTH #1.

And tonight, one of the funniest and scariest parts of the show was when Steven Colbert pointed out that over 60% of politicians in this country do not believe in evolution. And upon further digging, my roommate reported back that only 51% of American people do.

So what of the dinosaurs? Well, in Cincinnati at the $25 million, 6o thousand square foot snazzy Disney-esque experience that is the Creationism museum, they have found a solution to that ever nagging question of our prehistoric friends. Simply, the dinosaurs rode along side our “modern” animals on Noah’s Ark. That makes sense right?

Maybe its just me, but I can't help but wonder what kind of fancy crack potion the Almighty could have whipped up to keep all the T-Rex’s, Lions, Bears, and Wolverines from destroying the fuzzy Bunnies, Squirrels, and snuggly Koala Bears? And IF this so called potion exists, what happened to it? I mean, could he have not foreseen the even larger possibility of devastation created by his finest creation to date: MAN?

Speaking of manly creations...

So if that segment wasn’t enough to keep me entertained, I was lucky enough to waste ten minutes of my life watching the featured guest on the Colbert Report, country singer Toby Keith. Have you seen this guy? It's almost as if the conservative, southern right wing of our country sat in a lab with a mad scientist to create the Uber-Man to spout the good word of “patriotism”and the work of his holiness George W. And as if the fact that this guy even has a full page ad for Ford trucks in the back page of his CD wasn't bad enough, he actually said and I quote "I just got back from Afghanistan and things are looking great over there." Um....did he possibly miss the news item that in that particular day 100 people were actually KILLED in Afghanistan? Well, maybe 100 people isn't that bad to Mr. Keith. Maybe he has a slightly altered perception of the world in which war is o.k. as long as its not our good ole' boy Americans dying.

I’m sorry if I offend here, but I just find it rather amusing that a man who is so proud to be an AMERICAN, will insult in the same breath many of the people who live in this country. And I’m not even referring to his “world-changing” song about sticking boots up the asses of them damn “Terra-ists.”

His latest hit “High-Maintenance Woman” when played at even the lowest of volumes spontaneously will set off a idiot-alarm in your ears that will most likely prevent me from hearing again for three hours. And I quote, "She ain't got a lot on, she ain't got a lot to say. She wouldn't look my way, but buddy what'd you expect?“

Maybe I’m taking cheap shots here. I mean, when has country music ever been anything other than just a base form of music meant to speak to the everyman with everyday problems ?

It was at this point in the evening when a debate between my roommate and I began about the differences between hip-hop rap and country music. He is not so much a fan of hip-hop. I on the other hand, am. But of course I am discerning when it comes to what I listen to, the same way perhaps many people are when listening to country music. Compare for example the differences between a group like the Dixie Chicks and Toby Keith. Obvious right?

There is the same difference between a group like Gangstarr and Mims. I mean, compare the lyrics between these two songs:

Gangstarr: "I got one lyric pointed at your head for start, another pointed at your weak ass heart.If I pull the trigger on these fully loaded rhymes, you wish I would have pulled a black 9.

Mims: "This is why I’m hot, this is why your not. I’m hot cause I’m fly, you ain’t cause you not, this is why, this is why I’m hot."

A very strong argument that Mims makes for hotness, no? Ha ha ha terrible. You see what I mean? I'm probably biased though. I view Gangstarr's work as modern day poetry meant to expand the mind of the listener and question what rap or hip-hop actually is.

But back to the country/hip-hop debate. I believe that the fundamentals of country music and hip-hop are the same. The two forms of music may come from different cultures, but they are essentially saying the same things in different ways. Think about it. Every great country or hip-hop song is about women, losing women, men, losing men, making money, supporting the family, struggle, getting drunk, getting high, or getting locked up.

One of the most startling comparisons between these two music genres is that at their worst, some of the artists have the ability to represent all that is terrible about our little country and how far we really have to go before we can get people thinking or caring about anything important.

Well, I will leave you all with that thought and I hope you've all enjoyed my ramblings. If you have some time check out the website for the Creationism museum. It's really freaky. (shudder).