Thursday, October 02, 2008

Sexual Harassment is bad... except when it's good?



















While perusing around the bottomless abyss that is the internet today, I came across this rare gem of a story and it really got me thinking.

In the ridiculous and falsely named article "The Best Way to Stop Harassment" by Working Girl, A.K.A. Karen Burns, she dispenses some advice for women in the workplace.

Feeling threatened at work by that overbearing, creepy, sweaty boss of yours? Just laugh it off! There's nothing a little chuckle won't cure! And at the same time, it sends the dude the message without having to actually SAY what you are thinking! Genius right? Um...Wrong. Here are just a few of her methods:

"Laughter as a weapon comes in five flavors:
1. Scornful laughter. As in: "Right. In your dreams."
2. Incredulous laughter. As in: "Ha. You can't be serious."
3. Bemused laughter. As in: "I can't believe you just said that, and, as a favor to you, I'm going to pretend it didn't happen."
4. Faux-sympathetic laughter. As in: "Poor you. You really need to get a life, don't you?"
5. Diabolical laughter. As in: "Great! I've been waiting for you to make a stupid mistake like this."
Laughter confuses the harasser, reversing the whole dynamic in your favor. Try it. You'll see."




Um...passive aggressive much? And I love how this is one of her cornerstone "favorite and supereffective" tools for combating aggressive behavior by someone of the opposite sex.

Listen, I don't claim to be a P.C. person-- in fact I'm sure that I've crossed the line with a lot of the ridiculous garbage that falls out of my mouth most of the time. I know a thing or two about being offensive-- and I'm not going to sit here to dispense advice on correct behavior either.

But I do feel like this writer is a moron and totally irresponsible. Honestly, I think that her advice sets women back about 20 fucking years in the workplace. We shouldn't be teaching young women to be passive aggressive little nancies who need someone bigger and stronger to defend our honor. Fuck that!

Someone tells you that you gotta nice rack, (and its not the cute copy guy you've been scoping out for a while), and its not ANYONE you want looking at your rack, tell them to FUCK OFF! Or... Watch your mouth asshole! There's a lesson in subtlety. And this method has been proven with many many unruly bar patrons or ass wipes on the street. Trust me, I've done the legwork. Then we'll see what method works better.

The little chuckle that will most likely confuse the fuck out of the guy and perhaps encourage him to make more inappropriate comments? Or the FUCK OFF! Hmm... you decide.

Since we are on the topic of workplace sexual harrassment, I feel that it might be important to broach the topic of a form of sexual harassment that is more or less considered a "sexual flirtation" in some workplaces. Specifically, the service industry. It's as though there is this secret unspoken rule that ass-smacking and lewd comments are all part of an initiation into the team. And this behavior is not only male on female, but female on female, male on male, female on male, etc. etc.

Bars and restaurants are different in that most of the time the work environment is more laxed because it is nighttime and sometimes there is alcohol involved. (Which usually leads to some very awkward situations for all parties) But still, the harassment exists in its own world, untouched and almost expected. I often wonder why that is. And I can't help but to weigh the pros and cons. I mean, I've worked in both service and office jobs and on one hand it seems like people in the corporate world could probably be well served to throw back a couple shots of Jack Daniels during the day to loosen up and stop taking everything so seriously. I guarantee that Little Miss Shy Secretary will have no problems telling her chauvinist pig boss that, "No, I don't want to fuck you and I'd rather fuck a corpse!!" But then again, I don't necessarily think I could work for someone in an office who is a bad drunk. Its hard to respect anyone who you've seen projectile vomit or sob themselves to sleep.

The two environments are in fact two very different places. And I'd say that most of the people that work in busy nightclubs and bars are pretty attractive, thus creating an environment fueled by sexual tension, while in the corporate sphere the cow-looking women from accounting and the nerdy IT guys probably don't feel the same chemistry.

I guess somewhere along the lines here I've gotten beautifully off point so to get back to topic let me say this. Ladies & Gentlemen, it is 2008. No one but you will ever be able to get you out of uncomfortable situations. Some believe passiveness is a positive trait and I'm sure in a lot of ways it is, but a passive reaction to overt and unwanted aggression is never going to get you good results. So if you will all repeat after me, loudly and with purpose:

"Get Lost Fucktard!!!"


Rinse and repeat.







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