A Filibuster A Day Keeps My Conflicts Away

So as we draw closer to our holiday seasons, there are things in life we look forward to and things that we dread.

Of course there is the hasstle of waiting in the circus-like lines of department stores as we make our last minute X-MAS purchases. (and when I say last minute I do mean the day before)

But then again, there is the luxury of food and booze that hopefully make all of our stresses melt away.

The other day as I was talking to my mother about the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, she said something that struck me as funny. She said she was looking forward to the controversy that will no doubtedly spark up a good filibustering for the holiday season.

How funny is that?

So I began thinking about the filibustering system, and might I say that I am a fan? The fact that you can postpone something as serious as legislation by resorting to tactics similar to temper tantrums utterly amuses me.

So folks, for this holiday season, I give to you my idea of incorporating the age old tactic of filibustering into our daily lives.

How great would it be if you could just filibuster anyone at anytime about anything?

Think about it, SBC pissing you off? FILIBUSTER. This is what you do, call them up and invoke your rights to filibuster them. No longer will corporations have us by the short and curlies if they are mandated to sit through a filibustering process with all of their customers. Until they take the time to come to your house and finally fix your DSL that you have payed $5o friggin dollars a month for (ON TIME) but still cannot use successfully, you will filibuster them and take valuable minutes away from their workdays.

Soon they will be paying people not to be productive, but to listen to whomever decides to tirade!!

And in the spirit of the holidays, you should be able to filibuster long lines. I know its happened to all of us before: there you are at 7:55pm the night before XMAS and the store is closing in 5 minutes. Of course there are nearly 30 people ahead of you so what do you do? FILIBUSTER.

You recite useless babble at an uncomfortable volume in a manner that is almost psychotic to get the people ahead of you out of your way. I mean, it has to work. Especially if you are in the burbs.

City people might be a little harder to shake considering most of us spend 50% of our commuting week next to the crazy drunk guy peeing on himself while reciting the words to Twinkle Twinkle.

But still, don't be discouraged.

Even when Strom Thurmond filibustered for a record 24 hours against the civil rights act (that eventually got passed anyway), he came prepared. Apparently he dehydrated himself in a sauna the day before, and had an aide on stand by with a bucket.

Now thats dedication. Sick dedication for a completely stupid arguement, but dedication just the same.

And how often in school have you received a sub-par grade for something that you knew deserved better? FILIBUSTER.

Oh man I can see it now. Crowded school hallways would part in my presence if I had the power of the Filibuster up my sleeves.

You never know, filibustering could become an everyday thing. And even if the results ended up against our favor, we could get all that crazy rage that we end up taking out on our families during the holidays.

But then again, X-Mas wouldn't be X-Mas without someone getting drunk, crying, or angry. Hey, thats what families are for.