TORTURE

It’s become a daily event for most Americans to endure the torture of the “torture talks”. As the Bush administration back peddles across Asia taking an obvious change of tone toward his war critics, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and Vice President Dick Cheney keep shop at home, up to their eyeballs in debate.

Clearly the United States Government underestimates the American people by pretending as if “torture” methods are uncommon in intelligence gathering missions. Do they really expect us to believe that the Senate could actually pass a measure requiring U.S. troops to follow certain interrogation procedures that would work?

Think about it, would Abu Ghraib have happened if we had those procedures?

Absolutely.

Trying to say that the soldiers didn’t know they couldn’t act like that is as asinine as saying that most people do not understand right from wrong.

The point is this, for years our government has acted covertly and sometimes openly to dominate and take control of situations they deem as “threatening”, whether other nations pose a true threat or not.

Look at the CIA. Ever since President Truman signed the National Security Act of 1947, the CIA has been linked to death and government overthrows in countries like Iran, Guatemala, Haiti, Vietnam, Cuba and many more.

Our government has always operated under a shroud of secrecy and in some instances they felt they had to in order to maintain the quality of life in America we know today. So how are we surprised and outraged when the horrific tales of abuse and scandal leak into our homes every morning with the daily news?

Blinded by shock and outrage, our fair nation fails to realize that our society itself has glorified these tactics. Look at our entertainment industry for example. The movies that gross the most money are often spy films or adventure movies like “Mission Impossible” to the James Bond series or even the humorous Austin Powers films.

Every year U.S. citizens have begun sacrificing more of their rights and have handed over the decision-making and the reasoning to our elected leaders in exchange for “security.” In fact we have empowered the government to run freely and without question.

And now we are shocked by how the system operates? It cannot work both ways. If the citizens of this country are outraged, then they must stand up. Otherwise, we will continue to be led by people who will openly and blatantly lie to protect their own interests.

“The history of the United States military is clear. Torture doesn’t work,” Donald Rumsfeld said. “The military knows that. We want our people treated humanely.”

Case and point.

(www.ashersarlin.com)


DEAR INCONSIDERATE LAUNDRY ROOM HOG IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING,

For the last year I have kept silent. I haven't so much as complained, argued or posted annoying little notes. But after today, I just can't keep quiet any longer.

First and foremost I want to start off by saying that I am on to your little plan, and you suck.

A while ago I just chalked up your laundry room habits (ie: putting your clothes in the washer and conveniently forgetting them for an entire day, or putting your clothes in the bad dryer that requires $2 to finish your clothes and leaving them there damp so I can't take them out without feeling guilty) to lazyness. But now I see your genius. If you leave your clothes in the dryer, you know that most people will feel too guilty to take them out wet so they add quarters and time for you so that they will be able to use the dryer sooner. You are just a cheap ass aren't you?

I will no longer add quarters or for that matter, care about your wet clothes. I will no longer support you in a sick co-dependant laundry relationship. I'm sure you thought we had some good times, but the pleasure was always yours. Its over.

Although I'm sure that laundry is a chore we all don't like, we have to do it. So I try to get it over with in a fast and painless process. Why drag it out? And if you are going to drag it out, do it on a Monday for Christ's sake! Not SATURDAY or SUNDAY! Did you not know that the weekend is the busiest time for our fair laundry room?

So in closing I say this, you have made my life hell and now I am turning the tables. I hope you like mold my friend, because you will be seeing a lot of it from now on.

Thank you,

Your no-longer co-dependant neighbor.

Thats either one stupid cat or one really tough mouse.  

US to France: Welcome to our world


Now I'm not going to pretend that I am an expert in French History. Hell, I am only briefly familiar with your current history. But I can't help feeling like I need to weigh in on the current state of your country right now. Maybe its because for some reason I suddenly feel strangely connected to the French people.

Civil unrest you say? Class Struggle? Hmmmm... Do we ever have something in common.

I know that over the years there has been this Anti-French/Anti-American feud between our two countries, that has roots most likely found in war. And I also know that as hard as I may try, even I succumb to a little ignorance about your people now and again.

But considering that now you guys seem to be in quite a pickle, I feel it may be time for us to give up the stubbornness and for you listen to American advice for once. And not because we are some all-powerful, all-knowing nation, but simply because we know a thing or two about economic screw-ups. I mean really, who would be better than the United States to give you a crash course on what NOT to do in a time like this?

As the fires burn on in your fair country, I see many of your leaders in a political version of dodgeball. For this, I am very saddened. I don't know that much about this Nicolas Sarkozy character you got running the Interior ministry, but what I do know I don't like.

Any person whose bright idea for ending civil unrest is deportation is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Does he not realize that that will only further the disdain and lack of trust by the poorer classes in your country?

I know by looking at the problem-ridden social programs instituted in the US by our government we are not setting a great example for a harmonious country, but at the end of the day we don't give up. That's the way it is here. We may have drama, but its everyone's drama to share and slowly (sometimes very slowly) we will figure things out.

Do you really want to run the risk of looking like the racist, bratty nation who decided that since they couldn't control the generations spawned from immigrant workers, that they would just sent them back? Seriously?

At least Jacques Chirac seems to have a clue:

``We need to respond in a strong and quick way to the unquestionable problems that many inhabitants of the deprived neighbourhoods surrounding our cities are facing,'' Chirac said.

So I say, get rid of this Sarkozy guy. He seems to be the reason a lot of rioters are unhappy in the first place. I can't remember which publication it was in but there was a great quote from this rioter kid who said the day they kick Sarkozy out of office would be the same day he would turn himself in. He could feel safe again in the hands of authorities.

Crazy right? Of course there is no way he would turn himself in but, hey whatever works right?

So dear France, in your great time of need I say look to us as your example, and try not to repeat. Learn to embrace your cultural differences for it will bring a chaotic beauty unparalleled. And most of all, give the Americans a break once in a while, for now you really see what it is like to live in complete dysfunction 24/7.

This is the kind of world we live in. ARE U KIDDING ME?? 

This is where I'm taking my next vacation. Anyone interested? 

A Filibuster A Day Keeps My Conflicts Away

So as we draw closer to our holiday seasons, there are things in life we look forward to and things that we dread.

Of course there is the hasstle of waiting in the circus-like lines of department stores as we make our last minute X-MAS purchases. (and when I say last minute I do mean the day before)

But then again, there is the luxury of food and booze that hopefully make all of our stresses melt away.

The other day as I was talking to my mother about the nomination of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, she said something that struck me as funny. She said she was looking forward to the controversy that will no doubtedly spark up a good filibustering for the holiday season.

How funny is that?

So I began thinking about the filibustering system, and might I say that I am a fan? The fact that you can postpone something as serious as legislation by resorting to tactics similar to temper tantrums utterly amuses me.

So folks, for this holiday season, I give to you my idea of incorporating the age old tactic of filibustering into our daily lives.

How great would it be if you could just filibuster anyone at anytime about anything?

Think about it, SBC pissing you off? FILIBUSTER. This is what you do, call them up and invoke your rights to filibuster them. No longer will corporations have us by the short and curlies if they are mandated to sit through a filibustering process with all of their customers. Until they take the time to come to your house and finally fix your DSL that you have payed $5o friggin dollars a month for (ON TIME) but still cannot use successfully, you will filibuster them and take valuable minutes away from their workdays.

Soon they will be paying people not to be productive, but to listen to whomever decides to tirade!!

And in the spirit of the holidays, you should be able to filibuster long lines. I know its happened to all of us before: there you are at 7:55pm the night before XMAS and the store is closing in 5 minutes. Of course there are nearly 30 people ahead of you so what do you do? FILIBUSTER.

You recite useless babble at an uncomfortable volume in a manner that is almost psychotic to get the people ahead of you out of your way. I mean, it has to work. Especially if you are in the burbs.

City people might be a little harder to shake considering most of us spend 50% of our commuting week next to the crazy drunk guy peeing on himself while reciting the words to Twinkle Twinkle.

But still, don't be discouraged.

Even when Strom Thurmond filibustered for a record 24 hours against the civil rights act (that eventually got passed anyway), he came prepared. Apparently he dehydrated himself in a sauna the day before, and had an aide on stand by with a bucket.

Now thats dedication. Sick dedication for a completely stupid arguement, but dedication just the same.

And how often in school have you received a sub-par grade for something that you knew deserved better? FILIBUSTER.

Oh man I can see it now. Crowded school hallways would part in my presence if I had the power of the Filibuster up my sleeves.

You never know, filibustering could become an everyday thing. And even if the results ended up against our favor, we could get all that crazy rage that we end up taking out on our families during the holidays.

But then again, X-Mas wouldn't be X-Mas without someone getting drunk, crying, or angry. Hey, thats what families are for.