Moving On......

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you can feel yourself change? Spiritually, mentally, physically, whatever. It's really intense.

Earlier tonight I had such a moment.

Sitting around people and "friends" that I have grown to know over the last few years at my part-time jobs yearly Xmas party, I felt a click in my heart.

For months I have been fighting it. These are people that are slightly amusing, but not earth-shaking. And on some level I feel like I have grown attached to a few of them. Even the people aside, my job itself is pretty sweet. Not only do I have the best bosses in town (financially and patiently) for bar owners, the job itself is pretty cake.

Yet tonight the finality of my own personal change finally outweighed the positive aspects of my surroundings.

I really admire those people who can just go to "Work" and tune out their surroundings long enough to make money. I, on the other hand, need to somehow enjoy what I do. Even if it's part-time. At least enough to make me feel that I am not completely surrounded by assholes who could care less about me, or the world around them for that matter.

It's not that I am seeking some intellectual haven, (Please it is the service industry!), its just that I like to have a decent conversation once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

In my current situation it is. It's like I'm surrounded by mental midgets. It's not like some of these people are not smart, some of them suprise me with their intellect. They just don't seem to care! About anything.

There is so much I love about my bar: the live blues music, the entertainers, the tourists. And there is so much I hate about it: the entertainers (sometimes), the tourists ( most of the time) and the dullness I feel being surrounded by people that do not inspire or motivate in me in any way.

So tonight, I felt the click. That moment of no return when you finally realize something is over. A relationship, a job, a liking to a favorite show. Whatever.

How I long for the days of simple wage earnings. No bullshit, no feelings, no cares. If only I could be a working class zombie. Hmmm... how much easier everything could be. (PLEASE NOTE: SARCASM IN USE)

"Would you like fries with that?" would be my motto.

But alas, I am destined for the harder( but hopefully more prosperous) road. I know I will become a better person for it and at least I won't have to serve fries in a paper hat, or worse yet, wake up at 37 and realize that I still work in a bar.